Sherry the fondler

The World Cup season is over. Paul the Octopus has won. Mani cut a sorry face, like parrots usually do and Harry the Crocodile didn’t get due credit, coz, let’s face it, nothing Down Under ever does, unless you’re Kylie or Nicole.

But their prowess during the World Cup has inspired the Corporate World to incorporate such best practices into their system. One leading Indian Conglomerate has stolen a march over the rest and come up with their own lucky mascot idea. However, they were confronted with a unique dilemma when they realized that they couldn’t bring an animal into the premises. So the ever-resourceful HR department decided to come up with their own animal and dug into their list of sexual harassment cases to find their own in-house predator.

It was decided to hold a reality TV competition that was beamed live through the intranet to all the 240,000 employees of the company, who voted for their favorite predator. The panel of judges, included notable figures like Shakti Kapoor, Shiney Ahuja and the Managing Director of the company. After an intense competition, which was open to all 124 registered predators and hitherto unknown ones (a group of 12567) a final winner was chosen – Sherry the fondler.

Addressing the audience after the announcement the MD clarified that Sherry held a distinct competitive advantage, because he was an equal opportunity fondler, as he went after men and women, irrespective of their sexual orientation. This was very important in the current socio-economic environment and was the right outlook that the company could showcase.

The company decided to put Sherry to work by allowing him to referee any intra company debate. For eg: If there is a heated debate over opposing business proposals, it would be left to Sherry to referee. If there were 6 people in the group and Sherry gropes/fondles one of them, say Kiran, then Kiran’s proposal would be chosen. If, however, Sherry decides to fondle more than one person then it would be declared a mistrial and the process would be restarted (Yes, this process is fair only to Sherry).

The same process would also be followed in case of promotions. Whosoever, Sherry fondles will be promoted. 1st weeks of January and July have been declared as promotion season. Sherry would be let loose with an HR team in tow and whosoever is fondled by him, would be promoted with immediate effect. The HR team would take care of all the formalities once Sherry is done with the employee.

Karan Ahuja, VP-HR says “We have got many complaints from employees on the much-delayed HR process for promotions and have found this to be the quickest way to address this issue. I’m sure we would increase employee satisfaction this way!”

It is to be seen how popular this initiative would turn out to be. Most employees have mixed feelings about this, except a very ecstatic Sherry. “I used to be an mongrel on the company premises no-one cared about. But now, Im a superstar. As they say, Every Dog Has His Day”