And then i breathe!

Finally internship over. Back to college boring life.

Need to do more.

The hunger is brewing inside me.

This is the final stretch. Words no longer hold any meaning. Action and results do. The most decisive period of my life approaches... Damn its already here!

Bring it on....Im ready!

Things have changed.

Its been a month since my last post. And all my hard work during my summer project has come to fruition. More responsibility and reward and more satisfaction.

I have no doubt now that when I play my cards right hard work always brings out its high rewards. I just need to

Push Hard,
Play Smart,
Do More,
Learn More,
Go out There and
Get It Done.

But the more I do it seems the more is asked out of me. Its fine thats how life is...With power comes responsibility and vice versa.

I sail in a very lonely boat that fights the hard winds and at times I wonder if even my sail understands why I fight this torrid tempest. It takes a different character to ride out these times and its very lonely to be me.

I will win, I will fulfill all my dreams, wished and ambitions. But for now the monkey cries...Natt.

My favourite cartoon

What else can it be!

The reason for it is....wait a second...do i need a reason to have a favourite cartoon?

I just love it! I always liked the Hanna Barbara Productions than those made by Chuck Jones. The latter sucked quite honestly!! Jerry had ears like Dumbo the elephant!! And the action or violence or whatever you want to call it seemed contrived. An attempt to keep in touch up with the standards set by Hanna Barbara.

The best part of Tom and Jerry was the absolute violence in it. Oh how i wish i could just chop my sister and nothing happens and we continue hitting and chopping each other...yeah yeah im evil brother...but just think about it... :-) oh the fun of it all!!

Yes i admit i liked tom more than jerry and always used to root for tom to be successful but the poor stupid feline could never get one trick right...and the rare moments when he did pull a fast one on jerry were ones of immense personal (!) satisfaction!

But i liked Butch better than Tom! and the moments he came in were ultra hilarious especially when he whacked the living daylights of tom. That too to an extent that jerry could never dream of accomplishing!! My fave scene, which is etched in my head is of him whacking tom over and over again with a golf club, while tom leaps in agony!!! [:D] Yep im a sadistic evil bully worshipper!! [:D]

A quiz i went through...u shud try it too

You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational. Cultural Creative 94% Existentialist 94% Idealist 81% Romanticist 75% Postmodernist 63% Fundamentalist 56% Modernist 44% Materialist 44% What is Your World View? (updated) created with QuizFarm.com

Im not happy.

I imagine my life when I was in college, I hardly had a clue which direction I wanted to go in life. Felt very bad about myself mentally and physically. Wanted very badly to be able to wake up early in the morning. Wanted to be driven. Wanted to be able to walk the talk. To be professional. To be able to look problems in the eye and deal with them. To be the one that could be trusted to get things done.

Today I've done all that. But, I'm not happy... I want more.

If success is driven by wanting more then would I ever be happy?

Definitely. I find great thrills with the smallest joys in life while I leave the bigger issues to fulfill other people's happiness. One more year of education. The world is waiting...and I can't wait to take it on.

I want more...

How I Almost Got Fired From Wipro... :-)

Ok Ive been stacking this blog with the kind of stories that have led to people thinking i have a pretty sorry life! Not True!

Here is a story of how i almost got fired from wipro!
In our wipro email ids, we have the contacts of every employee including azim premji!
so this week when i was making a cab request to the transport dept i put in a cc to the HR dept as well and on a whim i decided to go thru the mailing list! And out of curiosity clicked on azim premji's contact details [curious to know his office add u see!] And lo behold our man's id was added to the cc list!

Now imagine a req for cab being mailed to the Chairmans office!! I know i wouldve lost my job but i also suspect my boss' job wudve been in jeopardy too! On the other hand if he did approve my req for cab...im sure i wudve been travelling around in an ac Honda City for the rest of summer internship :-) Imagine the Travel Desk Guy's face when he sees a summer intern's cab request approved by the CMD!! Oh Man im so excited thinking about this that i actually want to try it out!

ok anyways i somehow spotted his id and removed it, with a huge sigh of relief!

Hmmm...

Woke up at 2.30 am today. Didnt sleep after that...Heard this GNR song at about 5 odd in the common room...I heard this song and its meaning caused me to lacriminate.

She's got a smile that it seems to me
Reminds me of childhood memories
Where everything
Was as fresh as the bright blue sky
Now and then when I see her face
She takes me away to that special place
And if I'd stare too long
I'd probably break down and cry


Sweet child o' mine
Sweet love of mine


She's got eyes of the bluest skies
As if they thought of rain
I hate to look into those eyes
And see an ounce of pain
Her hair reminds me of a warm safe place
Where as a child I'd hide
And pray for the thunder
And the rain
To quietly pass me by

Sweet child o' mine
Sweet love of mine

Where do we go
Where do we go now
Where do we go
Sweet child o' mine

When man is desperate, even the most routine and normal thing appears to be blown out of propotion. It hurts more than before when the phone is cut. Logical arguments that evoked admiration before now seem designed to keep a distance. This madness seeks reassurance but what if the reassurer is also going mad? Neither can reassure each other but end up aggravating it in their own weird way. The only hope is that when the pain is severe the balm is ultra bliss. Would there ever be a balm to this?

:-)

Things change...all in a matter of minutes. you're issue may not be resolved but it doesnt bother you that much. I live to die another day!! I want to enjoy that life however long or short it might be.

Doing the right thing is painful

Ultra painful. Just the thought of how Im going to see somebody for the next one year and not be able to speak a word...see them very happy and not be part of that happiness or even the reason for it. Not able to emote not able to appreciate, compliment or even get close to look in the eye.

IF THERE IS A GOD ABOVE I ASK YOU THIS QUESTION. WHY ME? WHAT HAVE I DONE? HOW HAVE I SINNED? TELL ME DAMMIT TELL ME WHY DO U PUT ME THRU THIS AGAIN AND AGAIN.

40 mins back i got off the metro. 30 mins back it took just 10 secs for me to die. For me to see someone and not even be able to croak a word of appreciation out my mouth that flowed so easily even yesterday...i wonder how on earth im gonna go thru this.

WHY DO I HAVE TO GO THRU THIS IN MY LIFE?

Made my move

I slept for 20 mins and honestly it felt like 3 hours. Is it that im that relieved or that tired. But i did what i had to... I may have lost the plot because i said things in the wrong manner. And in fact I might even have lost it because I opened my mouth at all. But I have no regrets. I didn't hold out any illusions to anyone. I spoke my mind, my fears and my insecurities. If that is a problem then its a pity. But then thats how life is. This journey may have ended earlier than expected. Painful. I wished it never ended. But it rather not continue on illusions. Hmmm....Painful.Painful.Painful. Is it worth this pain? I dont know. Hope life doesn't prove it is not.

Conflicting Emotions

In life we come across certain times and moments where we can withhold feelings, emotions, facts or ignore them to our advantage. It is very tough to do the right thing and risk losing what probably holds most value to you. Doing the right thing is a gamble with nothing that you can do about it….nothing. It’s the most frustrating moment in life where every conscious brain cell of yours asks you to manipulate to your advantage. It has taken me sometime to clear my mind up and I’m not sure that if I still might not go back on my decision now. Its better to act and let the deed be done than to deliberate about it and let myself be sucked in by my practical side.

I’m not a believer, but I have pretensions to be Righteous. Doing the right thing, puts me and the people around me in great difficulty. But that’s why one should do the right thing, beyond personal pain. Personal pain is maximum when the people around me get hurt.

Letting go twice in a year is stupendous! Never ever thought I’ll have to do it even once in my life. And never thought I’ll be doing it again and that too so quick. But life is such. I can hang around and win this little battle, manipulating and being a nasty person. But then I don’t want the prize of such a battle. Honour and respect mean more to me now than ever before as I want that this prize be won with dignity, honor and respect so that I can keep it and it can keep me with me pride, dignity and respect, knowing that I did nothing wrong. And so I never have to look back in life and feel bad or guilty about anything.

I’ll live a good life and full life. I’m sure of that but thus far for all its imperfections, I’ve never regretted anything I ever did in my life. I don’t want to start doing that now.

I have made up my mind

Alchemist tells Santiago

"Making a decision is only the beginning of things.When someone makes a decision , he is really diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he had never dreamed of when he first made the decision."

I've made that jump.

ME

 

The face is a mirror to your thoughts. Figure out what i'm thinking! 

more hostel holi pics

 
 
 
  

Belief and Change

It matters little where you are born. What matters more is where you belong, where your soul owes allegiance.



The quote above is from an article by Shashi Tharoor in The Hindu dt 26 march 2006. It struck an immediate chord with me, as it put in perspective a lot of the events in my life in the past month. In fact the past month has without doubt been the period of my life that has seen the most flux. Now what remains to be seen is how much i learn from these events and move forward in life as a better person.

Its such a pity that I cannot verbalise a lot of these events and emotions that I've experienced but only relate to them euphemistically.

All my life I've performed better when i get shunted out of my comfort zone. And I've always hated those moments. They are most uncomfortable yet most necessary. These are the events that have catapulted me to the next level. Yet again I'm at such a threshold and this time it is the biggest and most important as this time i'm at a crossroads, professionally, personally and intellectually. And I dont foresee a quick solution to any of these thresholds. Its going to take a long sustained process and big fight to get through this corner of my life. And its going to be my beliefs and values that are going to sustain me through this.

GodSpeed Mr.Viswam.

Moving on

Life is all about moving on...and how effectively one can do it determines one's success with it. I'm beginning to understand the meaning of the term honeytrap! And why even the best of men fall for it.

Its important for me to retain the edge that is the hallmark of my professional career. The ability to get to the top and stay there.

V- Day Blues

This is the first time in my life that i've felt the significance of this day so much, and i can tell u that my heart is bleeding...

HAPPY JANUARY

January has been a month which was filled with those little joys of life that really please me. First up i managed to see the Prime Minister of the country in flesh and blood upto 15 ft away from me when he came to D'School. It was not just the man but also seeing all the security detail around him, the best the system has to offer. must say it wasnt up to my hollywood type expectation!

Also went for the Beating the Retreat ceremony at Raisina Hill...It was an awesome exhibition of the regal and splendour of the Indian State. Surely must Thank Yogeshji for the passes! It will definitely be the high point of my stay in Delhi. Now im all the more determined to catch the RD parade next year.

The best piece of news I got this year was two of my very good friends getting placed out of GLIM. I've been witness to the struggles these guys went through...all the mental pressures and tortures to get into an Institute and finally to see them get placed on Day One with packages which satisfied them has certainly made me very very glad.

I'm in the process of doing some psychological assessments of myself and have come to face some pretty challenging questions. Need to do something about these "assessments"...let us see :)

Homo Sapiens...

Basically good at heart but never to be trusted...

Happy New Year

12 months to go. Aspirations, commitments, challenges and fears.
Life has a lot to offer and take this year...

Snapshots of thoughts going through my head.

Sourav Ganguly is either on the last tour of his career or he is gonna score big. Something tells me its gonna be the latter.

Its gonna be really cold when i get back to delhi....*shudders*

Cant wait to get back to work there.

Need to get back to jogging...im wasting away here.

Need to get O R G A N I S E D ! !

May have to get spectacles by June...lets see...