For the Sake of a Post

Didn't want 2011 to go without a post. Now mission accomplished :-)

A lot of things have happened this year but I've not had the time to blog about it and whenever I did have the time, I was too lazy!

Wishing everyone a Happy New Year.

7 Habits of Highly Effective Idiots

This is not a satiric article, but a real look at the world around. I've seen a lot of flowery articles and books on all the greatness and positive karma floating around the world. But rarely have I seen any commentary on the scum floating around. Its time to fix this deficit with this article on the 7 Habits of Highly Effective Idiots!

#1 - They are in a position of authority:

Idiots are all around us. But the ones that cause most consternation are the ones that you cannot ignore because they are in a position of authority over us. Their actions have a direct impact on our lives. Eg. parents, elder siblngs, teachers, bosses, politicians.

#2 - They think of themselves as inspirational people

They would think of themselves as inspirational ideologues and would give long-winded lectures to people who out of politeness or deference to the idiot's authority indulge them. (Think school principal!)

#3 - They overestimate their duplicity

Idiots would lie, fudge and mislead others, but are completely oblivious to the fact that the other party is on to their game. Two words to parents : Santa Claus Your kids really do lose respect when they find out.

#4 - "Know it all"

This kind of idiots would butt into any conversation and pretend that they know exactly what is going on and would try to lead the conversation forward through some inane comments that would make no sense to anyone around

#5 - Do not listen

When everybody around them is warning them about the foolhardiness of their actions, they would not pay heed and when they finally do face the consequences of their idiocy, they would blame the very same people who have been warning them.

#6 - Those who get married on reality TV

Married to Rakhi Sawant, Rahul Mahajan...seriously? But I rate this as effective idiocy, 'coz of the TRP ratings. Tells you how much of an epidemic idiocy is in our society or a lack of real entertainment in other channels that people have to watch this!

#7 - Low level of self-awareness

A highly effective idiot, would go through all above 6 points, laugh his/her gut out at other perceived idiots that they might know, but not for a moment realizing or reflecting on his/her own standing there.

Phas Gaya Re Obama - The smart hindi movie

2010 has been a year when I felt that the quality of mainstream movies went up a few notches. There were several movies like Ishqiya, Love Sex Aur Dhoka, Peepli Live that explored different ways of story telling or telling stories that haven't been told before.

In this context, Phas Gaya Re Obama was a movie that simply blew me away by the sheer depth of the script and the twisted irony, that is life, it salutes.

The way in which the unfolding script mirrors the events that led to the collapse of the housing market in the US was pure genius. Any lay person would understand the absurd chain of events that the story line captures. But when you think that its same degree of absurdity that was one of the principle causes of the current recession, it does make you wonder, wtf! And when u think that recession is what Obama is caught in, you go all the more wtf at the ironic name of the movie!

Anyways the intent of this short post is to tell you that 1) I loved this movie 2) Go watch it.

HR Manager in Leading IT Company Lynched for Disrespecting Rajnikanth Dot

In a shocking incident of blasphemy and its gory aftermath, an HR manager was brutally assaulted by a mob of employees in Bangalore’s famous, Electronic City. Giving details of the incident, Chella Devaiah, Superintendant of Police, E-City said, “The group of employees barged into the cabin of this HR manager and beat him black and blue for alleged disrespect to Rajnikanth. They then paraded him across the campus to set an example to other people who might insult Rajnikanth”

After hearing of this incident, Bangalore bus conductors union issued a statement extolling the Godliness of Rajnikanth and promised free bus travel to all the members of the employee mob. All they need to do is produce an FIR of the case filed against them. They also invited Rajnikanth to be a guest Bus Conductor on the 351 /356 Vajra bus service route to attract more passengers and boost employee morale, which has been devastated by i-pod carrying passengers who do not listen to the Sandalwood music diligently played by the bus drivers.

We spoke to some employees of this company who were able to give a cogent version of events. Apparently an employee, marked a mail to the HR Head asking for a salary hike, claiming Rajnikanth had said so. The HR Head replied, saying that, “ Salary hikes are given basis Company performance and quantum of hike depends of the individual performance. Rajnikanth has never and will not play a role in the salary hikes we give.” This response quickly went viral and was forwarded to all employees in the company. A section of the employees were enraged by the flagrant disregard shown by this HR Head to Rajnikanth’s omnipresence and his wish. Another group of employees were slighted by the HR Head not bothering to cross check with Rajnikanth before his response. But a bulk of the employees however were just pissed off that there was no direct answer to the question in the mail.

A mob soon gathered at the cafeteria and decided to teach the HR Head a lesson. But since she was a lady and Thalaivar has clear rules of engagement when it comes to dealing with women, that involves lot of respect giving, a compromise was reached to thrash the HR Manager who reported to her. Thus the mob barged into his room and took out their ire on him. When reports last came in, the HR Manager was recovering from this incident and claimed to be a fan of Rajnikanth himself and was serving the last week of his notice period with the company DOT

Pehchan Kaun

Thats for making a logo with zero inspiration... take that Airtel and JWT!!

And as for the video, with the guy popping up wherever the girl goes...isn't that a bit like Johnny Bravo? Only difference, is the girl is happy to see the guy in the ad.

Whiskey Tequila Frooti - WTF. Its gonna be a thing.

So you're 27 yr old testosterone driven male Vodafone user ever since you got a mobile phone. You wonder if your brand is meant for you. You tolerate the pug and the zoozoo though deep down you wonder it aint a little gay. But then you see the new Vodafone ad openly pandering to women and you think, Whiskey Tequila Frooti



You look at the new Airtel logo, that looks a lot like a lot of things you have seen before but can't quite place your finger on and think Whiskey Tequila Frooti.

And then in that little moment,you know thats exactly what Sunil Bharti Mittal must have been drinking when he approved the new logo! Whiskey+Tequila with Frooti.

Its been a long week and your boss calls you on Friday with a request so patently lousy that even Dilbert would go Whiskey Tequila Frooti along with you.

Your team thinks that you are a pompous ass. Whiskey Tequila Frooti. How did they know?!

Your stuck in a 2 hour traffic jam to get home on Friday, when you get a flat tyre. Yes. Whiskey Tequila Frooti

While you change your tyre, a cop fines you for stopping in a no-parking zone.Whiskey Tequila Frooti

You get home to see a 12 hour power cut and no water supply. Whiskey Tequila Frooti

You go to a restaurant, but forget your wallet. Whiskey Tequila Frooti

After all this, your partner thinks you have been deliberately ignoring her. Whiskey Tequila Frooti.

So you get the idea of WTF-Whiskey Tequila Frooti? Now in case you're wondering, why this combination? WTF!! who drinks this combination anyway??

Neighbour's Envy : Owner's Pride - A Strategy for Foreign Policy?

Anyone who has read the recent book, "Obama's Wars" by Bob Woodward would be struck by 3 things. [a] Afghanistan has been on drift in the Bush years [b] Pakistan has been basically owning the Americans and playing them at will [c] Any American military tactic would be an exercise in find a face-saving exit.

There is a very interesting analogy attributed in the book to the Pakistani Ambassador to the United Stated Haqqani. He says that Pakistan like Iran is a nation of carpet salesman and diplomacy with them is like a negotiation. You got to keep on haggling on the price. Very often the buyer (in this case the US) gets disoriented In the entire seduction of the bargain and ends up with something they would never have bought when they started out! The realities of today are no less amusing. Al Qaeda is today in Pakistan. It is more dangerous for them to be in Afghanistan. The Americans set out in 2001 to root out Al Qaeda in Afghanistan and Pakistan was their ally! If this were December 2001, the Americans would have gone into Pakistan. But somehow they are doling out billions of dollars of defence aid to Pakistan with nothing more than hope.

You have got to hand it to the Pakistanis. They are like the prodigal son of the family. Rowdy, impetuous, always getting into trouble with the good elder sibling (india) watches, yet however they get away with everything and also get the girl in the end!! Pakistan is living Salman Khan’s life!

In this context the recent pronouncements by Obama on his India visit is a landmark move by the American establishment. The Americans had already realized the Pakistani game. But for the first time they have a strategy to deal with it.

If carpet bargaining were an essential South Asian trait, sibling rivalry and jealousy is the crown. By placing up India’s role in this part of the world, the Americans have started off what could be a very bloody game in turning around Pakistan. A disaffected Pakistan could wreck havoc in the short run in the region in an attempt to role back or slow down American largesse to India. If however the Americans hold their ground, then the Pakistanis would start their carpet bargaining game again. Layer by layer new offers would be made. American leverage here is India ie the threat that they would rather get their carpets from the Big brother next door.

Possible things that would happen in the months to come would be
A] Terrorist attacks on American interests in Afghanistan
B] Another 26/11 type attack in India
C] Terrorist attacks on American interests in India
D] Pakistan giving up some senior level Taliban figures to earn goodwill

E] Pakistan giving up Mullah Omar, the Taliban chief
F] Pakistan giving up Al-Zawhari or other senior Al Qaeda leader
G] Osama Bin Laden, dying naturally (due to his kidney ailment)
H] Pakistan giving up Osama Bin Laden

The outer limit to this is the 2012 Presidential elections. If Obama gets re-elected, Pakistan sees a longer game. Else they might have an opportunity to redo from start. Either way the Americans have just unleashed a new wave of chaos. Chaos precedes stability. This unfolding diplomatic game of Neighbors Envy, Owners Pride is sure to usher in interesting times.

Tragic Suicide of Young Woman

In another tragic incident, the chaotic lifestyle of today's urban youth claimed another victim.

Renu Chawla was a 30 yr old successful newscaster for Channel WTF. Though she was from a reasonably affluent middle class background, Renu had to go through her share of problems in life. Educated in a conservative nunnery aka boarding school in Shimla, Renu felt like a freed bird when she moved to one of India’s premier colleges. Inebriation, intoxication and orgasms were words learnt in school but understood in college. These should not mask the fact that Renu was exceptional at studies, which explains her admission to these premier institutions. She was a girl who also had her fun. (If guys reading this are feeling sorry for themselves, ur bad). This life would have been the dream for any guy.

Renu went on to weather a turbulent marriage that was preceded by a whirlwind romance to a guy, whose virtues were visible only to her. She found him funny, smart, handsome and caring. Others however saw him to be slimy, two-faced and perpetually horny. The inevitable divorce left Renu in the dumps but she got her career soaring as a way of coping. Long work days, longer party nights with friends were now her lifestyle. Evading her parents and snooty relatives was now her favorite pastime. It is into this dysfunctional life he came in. She affectionately called him Kenny and she was crazy for him. She changed completely. Work now stopped at 6pm. Friends could wait for the weekend. She could now see her family in the eye.

And then one day she caught Kenny following Sara into her house. Sara was her neighbor and a TV model to boot. She hated that bitch. That bitch with her long silky hair and all. She especially hated her during her bad hair days. Tears streamed down her eyes. All the disappointments of her life flashed in front of her eyes. In a moment of madness, she jumped off her 10th floor balcony.

It was a huge story. Channel WTF covered it LIVE for 36 hours. The Police arrested her ex-husband for abetment of suicide. A heartbroken Kenny sat in the balcony and refused to eat for days and eventually died.

Video of that Bitch, Sara.


PS: This is a work of fiction and any resemblance to any Renu Chawla, Kenny or Channel WTF is entirely coincidental. However, the same may not be true for others and if this story reminds you of snippets from your own life call a suicide helpline. I shall not be responsible for any damage you do yourself or anyone around you

Kashmir Does Matter - Dont Mess With It

The recent outburst by Arundhati Roy and the reactions to it had got me thinking. While it was easy shooting down the messenger, Ms.Roy, I was however, finding it a little more difficult to overlook her message - The hopelessness felt by the people of Kashmir.

I agree that Kashmir is part of the overall geo-political game in the region and a weak hand by the Indian Government, would have ramifications for the rest of India. After a long search over the past 10 days I have discovered some cynical, startling truths that I cannot explain or justify but I have come to believe.

1. Never trust the Pakistani establishment. But, given that my state of confusion was regarding Kashmir, I would henceforth stick only to the Kashmir problem.

2. The media and punditry has always criticized the GoI for lacking imagination but never have come up with any worth while suggestions themselves. The closest anyone has come up to convince me with their idea for this has been...Pervez Musharaf!!



Watch from 6.55 onwards

3. Power Corrupts. Absolute Power Corrupts Absolutely. AFSPA is absolute power. And giving it in the hands of men trained for battle and the moral compass of whose leaders may not always be pointing North (refer Adarsh Society) is asking for trouble. This is not a problem that is restricted to the Indian State. Even the holier than thou Western powers have asked Amnesty International to take a walk when it comes to territories in Iraq and Afghanistan. The Army is meant to fight battles, not govern. They can build a bridge, better and faster than anyone else in the country. But that does not mean we let them run the country, state or districts. This is applicable in every state and corner of the country, of which Kashmir is only one.

4. It is not the Army's job to step in for the failure of elected officials to provide Governance and of bureaucrats to provide efficient pubic service. An efficient democratic process at least lets us throw out the politicians but who is holding the Judiciary and the Bureaucracy of India accountable? The bureaucrats of the country, at worst get a transfer for misdeeds or suspension with pay till they are inevitably restored. Judicial Accountability is the biggest joke in this country. The media is not allowed to question them, without attracting contempt of court proceedings and in the rarest of rare cases where the message does get through, the judge is transferred! So while this is the state of affairs in India, in Kashmir, the bureaucracy is skeletal and the judiciary phantom.

5. One of the biggest reasons for the intractable stance of most Indians in Kashmir is that they do not really have the true picture of what is happening on the ground in Kashmir. It is important for the media to give an accurate picture of the issues on the ground. Fair and balanced, but not the Fox News style! By peddling the Government's side, they are letting the Govt off the hook for its failings.

6. India is a collection of states and culture. Despite the best efforts of our Civics text books, we grow to realize that there is no "Indian culture". Most Indians would feel discriminated and subject to racial taunts when they go to other parts of the country. Ask anyone from the North East in Delhi or South Indian in Delhi or North Indian in Chennai or Bihari in Mumbai. Yet we travel and move to fulfill our dreams. We assimilate and learn. We understand and forgive. We grow by being more Indian.

Being Indian is an acquired taste. I think its worth it.