Man throws shoe at supervisor for bad appraisal

When Muntadhar al-Zaidi threw his infamous Size 10 shoe, he unwittingly popularized a new form of civil disobedience. This form of political protest has resonated around the world. And now, it has entered the corporate world. All thanks to Johnny Gaddar.

Johnny Gaddar was a happy go lucky corporate lackey, who did anything to keep his boss happy and the good appraisals rolling in. His motto in life was naukri aur chokri. But when his boss sat down with him to discuss a less than satisfactory appraisal, Johnny lost his cool. He could not believe that his hypocritical boss would have the gall to tell him he did not perform, with a straight face. Ten minutes into the conversation, Johnny snapped. He wanted to cry, but didn't want to give his boss the pleasure of seeing him cry. In a flash, he removed his Size 11 shoes and let loose at his boss. The sweet sound of leather smacking his bald forehead was so cathartic for Johnny that he wanted to do it again. By the time, he got his other shoe off, his boss had fled the conference room and was running down the aisle. Seeing this scene unfold before them, other co-workers too took aim at the boss. In fact, Jasmine's six-inch stilettos drew first blood.

Within one hour, word of this incredible happenstance, spread like wildfire across the corporate world. Such scenes were beginning to get replicated across the world. Someone shot a re-enactment of this on their mobile phone and put it up on youtube. The video, had 6 million hits in 6 hours. The Security team in Johnny's office immediately swung into action to confiscate footwear. As you can see, they literally ended with a mountain of shoes.

Group9 Security Head, John Rambo (no relation to Johnny) said, "We had deployed highly qualified security personnel for our operations, as we believed that these corporates were vulnerable to terrorist attacks. In fact many of our personnel are trained commandos. But we did not figure that the biggest terror would come from within."

A senior industry analyst quipped that security agencies like Group9 are seeing windfall profits by charging a bomb for putting up extra overweights chowkidars and putting up cheap mosquito net partitions in conference rooms to protect against shoe-throwers. "A new multi-billion dollar industry has opened overnight, all thanks to stupid bosses!"

MBTI Khap Panchayat

There is a huge social unrest sweeping the country today. It has got the people up in arms and angst. There have been riots across the country, with many State Governments struggling to enforce law and order.

As we know, the entire country is divided into a rigid system of khaps, which are based on an individual’s MBTI scores. There are 16 different khaps across the country as permitted by the MBTI scores. For generations, the khaps have strictly enforced 3 basic rules

1. A man cannot marry a woman from the same khap ie with the same MBTI score
2. A man cannot marry a woman with the same MBTI score as his mother
3. There shall be no social discrimination basis one’s khap or MBTI score

Lily Dholakia, renowned khap sociologist says, “The 3 khap rules of engagement were perfect. A couple with the same MBTI score getting together, was akin to inbreeding and would have begotten retarded children. Rule #2 reflects the total chauvinistic nature of society. If the woman and mother in law had the same MBTI score, the chances of them being best friends are very high, which could undermine the men in the family. Hence they never let bride-Mother in law with the same MBTI score come together.”

This time tested system has seen some recent challenges. Instances of same-khap marriages have increased among young couples. There has been an increase in young couples committing suicide.
One couple, Bunty and Bably Singh in their joint suicide note said, “Once the embers of young love, have fizzled out, we came to realize that we were basically married to mirror images of ourselves and we could neither stand ourselves and neither could we find solace in our partner. We do not want to live such wretched lives. This decision is entirely ours and not influenced by anyone else in our families or khaps and especially not by the group therapy sessions conducted by our khap panchayat”

After the recent recession, companies have begun to realize that they need to fire the bottom 10% employees in their companies. An arbit survey done by NASSCOM has come to the conclusion that ENFP employees form the bulk of these laid-off employees.


Sajani Singhania, a senior HR professional says, “ENFP are very employable people. Its easiest for them to find a job in the market. It also rests very lightly on our conscience, as we know they are going to be better off anyways. It really is a win-win situation” Responding, to this Kroor Singh, a senior INTJ khap leader, said, “If ENFP can have a firing quota, then we demand that INTJ people also be given a hiring quota. This will only restore the balance of fairness. This has a huge conflict potential, with all khaps possibly laying claims to various degress of quotas.

With these competing and controversial demands, the country is heading for tough times ahead. Only cricket or the Government can save us. But with the cricket team and IPL in shambles, as usual, we look to the Government of Pakistan to provide a suitably spectacular diversion so that people can be distracted from this controversy.

Sherry the fondler

The World Cup season is over. Paul the Octopus has won. Mani cut a sorry face, like parrots usually do and Harry the Crocodile didn’t get due credit, coz, let’s face it, nothing Down Under ever does, unless you’re Kylie or Nicole.

But their prowess during the World Cup has inspired the Corporate World to incorporate such best practices into their system. One leading Indian Conglomerate has stolen a march over the rest and come up with their own lucky mascot idea. However, they were confronted with a unique dilemma when they realized that they couldn’t bring an animal into the premises. So the ever-resourceful HR department decided to come up with their own animal and dug into their list of sexual harassment cases to find their own in-house predator.

It was decided to hold a reality TV competition that was beamed live through the intranet to all the 240,000 employees of the company, who voted for their favorite predator. The panel of judges, included notable figures like Shakti Kapoor, Shiney Ahuja and the Managing Director of the company. After an intense competition, which was open to all 124 registered predators and hitherto unknown ones (a group of 12567) a final winner was chosen – Sherry the fondler.

Addressing the audience after the announcement the MD clarified that Sherry held a distinct competitive advantage, because he was an equal opportunity fondler, as he went after men and women, irrespective of their sexual orientation. This was very important in the current socio-economic environment and was the right outlook that the company could showcase.

The company decided to put Sherry to work by allowing him to referee any intra company debate. For eg: If there is a heated debate over opposing business proposals, it would be left to Sherry to referee. If there were 6 people in the group and Sherry gropes/fondles one of them, say Kiran, then Kiran’s proposal would be chosen. If, however, Sherry decides to fondle more than one person then it would be declared a mistrial and the process would be restarted (Yes, this process is fair only to Sherry).

The same process would also be followed in case of promotions. Whosoever, Sherry fondles will be promoted. 1st weeks of January and July have been declared as promotion season. Sherry would be let loose with an HR team in tow and whosoever is fondled by him, would be promoted with immediate effect. The HR team would take care of all the formalities once Sherry is done with the employee.

Karan Ahuja, VP-HR says “We have got many complaints from employees on the much-delayed HR process for promotions and have found this to be the quickest way to address this issue. I’m sure we would increase employee satisfaction this way!”

It is to be seen how popular this initiative would turn out to be. Most employees have mixed feelings about this, except a very ecstatic Sherry. “I used to be an mongrel on the company premises no-one cared about. But now, Im a superstar. As they say, Every Dog Has His Day”