Woke up at 2.30 am today. Didnt sleep after that...Heard this GNR song at about 5 odd in the common room...I heard this song and its meaning caused me to lacriminate.
She's got a smile that it seems to me
Reminds me of childhood memories
Where everything
Was as fresh as the bright blue sky
Now and then when I see her face
She takes me away to that special place
And if I'd stare too long
I'd probably break down and cry
Sweet child o' mine
Sweet love of mine
She's got eyes of the bluest skies
As if they thought of rain
I hate to look into those eyes
And see an ounce of pain
Her hair reminds me of a warm safe place
Where as a child I'd hide
And pray for the thunder
And the rain
To quietly pass me by
Sweet child o' mine
Sweet love of mine
Where do we go
Where do we go now
Where do we go
Sweet child o' mine
When man is desperate, even the most routine and normal thing appears to be blown out of propotion. It hurts more than before when the phone is cut. Logical arguments that evoked admiration before now seem designed to keep a distance. This madness seeks reassurance but what if the reassurer is also going mad? Neither can reassure each other but end up aggravating it in their own weird way. The only hope is that when the pain is severe the balm is ultra bliss. Would there ever be a balm to this?
Monday, May 22, 2006
Sunday, May 21, 2006
:-)
Things change...all in a matter of minutes. you're issue may not be resolved but it doesnt bother you that much. I live to die another day!! I want to enjoy that life however long or short it might be.
Doing the right thing is painful
Ultra painful. Just the thought of how Im going to see somebody for the next one year and not be able to speak a word...see them very happy and not be part of that happiness or even the reason for it. Not able to emote not able to appreciate, compliment or even get close to look in the eye.
IF THERE IS A GOD ABOVE I ASK YOU THIS QUESTION. WHY ME? WHAT HAVE I DONE? HOW HAVE I SINNED? TELL ME DAMMIT TELL ME WHY DO U PUT ME THRU THIS AGAIN AND AGAIN.
40 mins back i got off the metro. 30 mins back it took just 10 secs for me to die. For me to see someone and not even be able to croak a word of appreciation out my mouth that flowed so easily even yesterday...i wonder how on earth im gonna go thru this.
WHY DO I HAVE TO GO THRU THIS IN MY LIFE?
IF THERE IS A GOD ABOVE I ASK YOU THIS QUESTION. WHY ME? WHAT HAVE I DONE? HOW HAVE I SINNED? TELL ME DAMMIT TELL ME WHY DO U PUT ME THRU THIS AGAIN AND AGAIN.
40 mins back i got off the metro. 30 mins back it took just 10 secs for me to die. For me to see someone and not even be able to croak a word of appreciation out my mouth that flowed so easily even yesterday...i wonder how on earth im gonna go thru this.
WHY DO I HAVE TO GO THRU THIS IN MY LIFE?
Made my move
I slept for 20 mins and honestly it felt like 3 hours. Is it that im that relieved or that tired. But i did what i had to... I may have lost the plot because i said things in the wrong manner. And in fact I might even have lost it because I opened my mouth at all. But I have no regrets. I didn't hold out any illusions to anyone. I spoke my mind, my fears and my insecurities. If that is a problem then its a pity. But then thats how life is. This journey may have ended earlier than expected. Painful. I wished it never ended. But it rather not continue on illusions. Hmmm....Painful.Painful.Painful. Is it worth this pain? I dont know. Hope life doesn't prove it is not.
Conflicting Emotions
In life we come across certain times and moments where we can withhold feelings, emotions, facts or ignore them to our advantage. It is very tough to do the right thing and risk losing what probably holds most value to you. Doing the right thing is a gamble with nothing that you can do about it….nothing. It’s the most frustrating moment in life where every conscious brain cell of yours asks you to manipulate to your advantage. It has taken me sometime to clear my mind up and I’m not sure that if I still might not go back on my decision now. Its better to act and let the deed be done than to deliberate about it and let myself be sucked in by my practical side.
I’m not a believer, but I have pretensions to be Righteous. Doing the right thing, puts me and the people around me in great difficulty. But that’s why one should do the right thing, beyond personal pain. Personal pain is maximum when the people around me get hurt.
Letting go twice in a year is stupendous! Never ever thought I’ll have to do it even once in my life. And never thought I’ll be doing it again and that too so quick. But life is such. I can hang around and win this little battle, manipulating and being a nasty person. But then I don’t want the prize of such a battle. Honour and respect mean more to me now than ever before as I want that this prize be won with dignity, honor and respect so that I can keep it and it can keep me with me pride, dignity and respect, knowing that I did nothing wrong. And so I never have to look back in life and feel bad or guilty about anything.
I’ll live a good life and full life. I’m sure of that but thus far for all its imperfections, I’ve never regretted anything I ever did in my life. I don’t want to start doing that now.
I’m not a believer, but I have pretensions to be Righteous. Doing the right thing, puts me and the people around me in great difficulty. But that’s why one should do the right thing, beyond personal pain. Personal pain is maximum when the people around me get hurt.
Letting go twice in a year is stupendous! Never ever thought I’ll have to do it even once in my life. And never thought I’ll be doing it again and that too so quick. But life is such. I can hang around and win this little battle, manipulating and being a nasty person. But then I don’t want the prize of such a battle. Honour and respect mean more to me now than ever before as I want that this prize be won with dignity, honor and respect so that I can keep it and it can keep me with me pride, dignity and respect, knowing that I did nothing wrong. And so I never have to look back in life and feel bad or guilty about anything.
I’ll live a good life and full life. I’m sure of that but thus far for all its imperfections, I’ve never regretted anything I ever did in my life. I don’t want to start doing that now.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
I have made up my mind
Alchemist tells Santiago
"Making a decision is only the beginning of things.When someone makes a decision , he is really diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he had never dreamed of when he first made the decision."
I've made that jump.
"Making a decision is only the beginning of things.When someone makes a decision , he is really diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he had never dreamed of when he first made the decision."
I've made that jump.
Monday, April 03, 2006
Saturday, April 01, 2006
Saturday, March 25, 2006
Belief and Change
It matters little where you are born. What matters more is where you belong, where your soul owes allegiance.
The quote above is from an article by Shashi Tharoor in The Hindu dt 26 march 2006. It struck an immediate chord with me, as it put in perspective a lot of the events in my life in the past month. In fact the past month has without doubt been the period of my life that has seen the most flux. Now what remains to be seen is how much i learn from these events and move forward in life as a better person.
Its such a pity that I cannot verbalise a lot of these events and emotions that I've experienced but only relate to them euphemistically.
All my life I've performed better when i get shunted out of my comfort zone. And I've always hated those moments. They are most uncomfortable yet most necessary. These are the events that have catapulted me to the next level. Yet again I'm at such a threshold and this time it is the biggest and most important as this time i'm at a crossroads, professionally, personally and intellectually. And I dont foresee a quick solution to any of these thresholds. Its going to take a long sustained process and big fight to get through this corner of my life. And its going to be my beliefs and values that are going to sustain me through this.
GodSpeed Mr.Viswam.
The quote above is from an article by Shashi Tharoor in The Hindu dt 26 march 2006. It struck an immediate chord with me, as it put in perspective a lot of the events in my life in the past month. In fact the past month has without doubt been the period of my life that has seen the most flux. Now what remains to be seen is how much i learn from these events and move forward in life as a better person.
Its such a pity that I cannot verbalise a lot of these events and emotions that I've experienced but only relate to them euphemistically.
All my life I've performed better when i get shunted out of my comfort zone. And I've always hated those moments. They are most uncomfortable yet most necessary. These are the events that have catapulted me to the next level. Yet again I'm at such a threshold and this time it is the biggest and most important as this time i'm at a crossroads, professionally, personally and intellectually. And I dont foresee a quick solution to any of these thresholds. Its going to take a long sustained process and big fight to get through this corner of my life. And its going to be my beliefs and values that are going to sustain me through this.
GodSpeed Mr.Viswam.
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Moving on
Life is all about moving on...and how effectively one can do it determines one's success with it. I'm beginning to understand the meaning of the term honeytrap! And why even the best of men fall for it.
Its important for me to retain the edge that is the hallmark of my professional career. The ability to get to the top and stay there.
Its important for me to retain the edge that is the hallmark of my professional career. The ability to get to the top and stay there.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
V- Day Blues
This is the first time in my life that i've felt the significance of this day so much, and i can tell u that my heart is bleeding...
Saturday, February 04, 2006
HAPPY JANUARY
January has been a month which was filled with those little joys of life that really please me. First up i managed to see the Prime Minister of the country in flesh and blood upto 15 ft away from me when he came to D'School. It was not just the man but also seeing all the security detail around him, the best the system has to offer. must say it wasnt up to my hollywood type expectation!
Also went for the Beating the Retreat ceremony at Raisina Hill...It was an awesome exhibition of the regal and splendour of the Indian State. Surely must Thank Yogeshji for the passes! It will definitely be the high point of my stay in Delhi. Now im all the more determined to catch the RD parade next year.
The best piece of news I got this year was two of my very good friends getting placed out of GLIM. I've been witness to the struggles these guys went through...all the mental pressures and tortures to get into an Institute and finally to see them get placed on Day One with packages which satisfied them has certainly made me very very glad.
I'm in the process of doing some psychological assessments of myself and have come to face some pretty challenging questions. Need to do something about these "assessments"...let us see :)
Also went for the Beating the Retreat ceremony at Raisina Hill...It was an awesome exhibition of the regal and splendour of the Indian State. Surely must Thank Yogeshji for the passes! It will definitely be the high point of my stay in Delhi. Now im all the more determined to catch the RD parade next year.
The best piece of news I got this year was two of my very good friends getting placed out of GLIM. I've been witness to the struggles these guys went through...all the mental pressures and tortures to get into an Institute and finally to see them get placed on Day One with packages which satisfied them has certainly made me very very glad.
I'm in the process of doing some psychological assessments of myself and have come to face some pretty challenging questions. Need to do something about these "assessments"...let us see :)
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Happy New Year
12 months to go. Aspirations, commitments, challenges and fears.
Life has a lot to offer and take this year...
Snapshots of thoughts going through my head.
Sourav Ganguly is either on the last tour of his career or he is gonna score big. Something tells me its gonna be the latter.
Its gonna be really cold when i get back to delhi....*shudders*
Cant wait to get back to work there.
Need to get back to jogging...im wasting away here.
Need to get O R G A N I S E D ! !
May have to get spectacles by June...lets see...
Life has a lot to offer and take this year...
Snapshots of thoughts going through my head.
Sourav Ganguly is either on the last tour of his career or he is gonna score big. Something tells me its gonna be the latter.
Its gonna be really cold when i get back to delhi....*shudders*
Cant wait to get back to work there.
Need to get back to jogging...im wasting away here.
Need to get O R G A N I S E D ! !
May have to get spectacles by June...lets see...
Monday, December 26, 2005
my travails in delhi
Well I've been absent from this blog the past month or so because of my exams. I've also been in some amount of physical discomfort. Yes exams are a pain in the ass but no literally! It has been the weather in Delhi! Too cold for comfort...
It was a torture studying during the exams, especially in the nights. Couldn't wait for that hot 2 am maggi from the canteen to warm my alimentary system. And once i fell asleep it was impossible to wake up in the morning. All the alarms and wake up calls were useless. Getting oneself off the bed was the toughest thing to do.
Initially I was happy they scheduled the exams between 2-5pm. Thought that would avoid early morning wake ups and shower. Also thought it would help me beat the cold. How wrong i was... I was always seated near the window and after 4 pm it suddenly started getting cold and I would always be caught unawares. And it would get difficult to write after that! So after the first exam i made a mental note that i have to finish writing my best answers up front coz not much can be done in the last hour.
After the exams it had gotten even colder and i had taken to jogging and sports to keep myself warm! Hell most of the hostel is doin the same to keep themselves warm! Now guys wake up only by about 8.30ish and get into the 8.50 shift for getting ready for the 9.00 am class. My roomie's friend in the Indian Military Academy came visiting last week and told us that in the IMA they get ready in 10 mins bath crap shave boot polish dress etc in that time. I told him we do the same too only we miss out some of those activities :D
Well I'm back in Chennai now. It feels good to be warm again! I guess the metro should have been extended till dwaraka by the time i get back so i get to my LG's place much more easily! And to Gurgaon too hopefully.
It was a torture studying during the exams, especially in the nights. Couldn't wait for that hot 2 am maggi from the canteen to warm my alimentary system. And once i fell asleep it was impossible to wake up in the morning. All the alarms and wake up calls were useless. Getting oneself off the bed was the toughest thing to do.
Initially I was happy they scheduled the exams between 2-5pm. Thought that would avoid early morning wake ups and shower. Also thought it would help me beat the cold. How wrong i was... I was always seated near the window and after 4 pm it suddenly started getting cold and I would always be caught unawares. And it would get difficult to write after that! So after the first exam i made a mental note that i have to finish writing my best answers up front coz not much can be done in the last hour.
After the exams it had gotten even colder and i had taken to jogging and sports to keep myself warm! Hell most of the hostel is doin the same to keep themselves warm! Now guys wake up only by about 8.30ish and get into the 8.50 shift for getting ready for the 9.00 am class. My roomie's friend in the Indian Military Academy came visiting last week and told us that in the IMA they get ready in 10 mins bath crap shave boot polish dress etc in that time. I told him we do the same too only we miss out some of those activities :D
Well I'm back in Chennai now. It feels good to be warm again! I guess the metro should have been extended till dwaraka by the time i get back so i get to my LG's place much more easily! And to Gurgaon too hopefully.
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Saturday, December 24, 2005
Sourav Ganguly - Whither Indian Cricket?
A long time has passed since my last post but more on that later. First I want to unload something that has been eating my head for the past 24 hours.
The recent Ganguly episode in my opinion marks the beginning of the end for Indian cricket. More now than even during the match fixing crises days. The rationale of the Ganguly brigade for bringing him back was that he was experienced, got more ODI runs save Tendulkar and was an asset to the team.
By the same criteria, Anil Kumble should be playing in ODI's too. He has got more ODI wickets than any other Indian, 329 to be precise from 264 matches and that is experience. And by all accounts his bowling hasnt gone down but on the contrary, the man is in the best form of his life. Pray tell me why should the same Ganguly logic not apply to Anil Kumble? Maybe they should've had a left Govt in Karnataka. Imagine Lalu pushing for someone from Bihar to be included in the team. The day is not far off as Lalu is already President of the Bihar Cricket Association.
Ganguly, no doubt should be given a chance to get back to the team but by the sheer weight of performance. ie His performance on the field and not his supporters off the field. He should've been scoring tons of runs in the domestic circuit to press his case. And its not like he is a man who can't do it. It happened to him at the beginning of his career and he did comeback on the sheer weight of his domestic performances. But the Ganguly of now seems content to ride the weight of his political backers. And they have not done themselves any credit with the pathetic way they treated the Indian team in Kolkata.
Sourav Ganguly made his reputation as a Tiger who didn't have to hide behind someone else but as someone was never afraid of confrontation. But his "comeback" is as a man who needed all other persuasions but the performance of his bat to merit a recall.
The irony of this entire show is that now the stage is set. He has made a comeback. How he did it is history. If he fails in Pakistan, then he is as good as history. Because there are a lot of powers that be who have a little less patience for him.
The recent Ganguly episode in my opinion marks the beginning of the end for Indian cricket. More now than even during the match fixing crises days. The rationale of the Ganguly brigade for bringing him back was that he was experienced, got more ODI runs save Tendulkar and was an asset to the team.
By the same criteria, Anil Kumble should be playing in ODI's too. He has got more ODI wickets than any other Indian, 329 to be precise from 264 matches and that is experience. And by all accounts his bowling hasnt gone down but on the contrary, the man is in the best form of his life. Pray tell me why should the same Ganguly logic not apply to Anil Kumble? Maybe they should've had a left Govt in Karnataka. Imagine Lalu pushing for someone from Bihar to be included in the team. The day is not far off as Lalu is already President of the Bihar Cricket Association.
Ganguly, no doubt should be given a chance to get back to the team but by the sheer weight of performance. ie His performance on the field and not his supporters off the field. He should've been scoring tons of runs in the domestic circuit to press his case. And its not like he is a man who can't do it. It happened to him at the beginning of his career and he did comeback on the sheer weight of his domestic performances. But the Ganguly of now seems content to ride the weight of his political backers. And they have not done themselves any credit with the pathetic way they treated the Indian team in Kolkata.
Sourav Ganguly made his reputation as a Tiger who didn't have to hide behind someone else but as someone was never afraid of confrontation. But his "comeback" is as a man who needed all other persuasions but the performance of his bat to merit a recall.
The irony of this entire show is that now the stage is set. He has made a comeback. How he did it is history. If he fails in Pakistan, then he is as good as history. Because there are a lot of powers that be who have a little less patience for him.
Monday, November 14, 2005
Random Musings
1. Libido levels are pretty high in Delhi. I guess its
the weather for even rank outsiders like me are
affected.
2. Its not even winter yet and already im having to
squeeze frozen oil out of a Parachute bottle!
3. I will die of pnuemonia by January!
4. Accounts can be so simple yet so irritatingly
complicated.
5. Its unethical to cheat in a Business and Ethics
paper...or is it?
6. The mess food is really good now with the new mess
contractor coming in.
7. As a result of point no.6, I think I might put on
weight as its too cold to go out jogging in the
morning.
8. I need to get some perspective on my life and start
looking at the bigger picture!
9. Statistics is killing me....BIGGER PICTURE DAMMIT!!!
the weather for even rank outsiders like me are
affected.
2. Its not even winter yet and already im having to
squeeze frozen oil out of a Parachute bottle!
3. I will die of pnuemonia by January!
4. Accounts can be so simple yet so irritatingly
complicated.
5. Its unethical to cheat in a Business and Ethics
paper...or is it?
6. The mess food is really good now with the new mess
contractor coming in.
7. As a result of point no.6, I think I might put on
weight as its too cold to go out jogging in the
morning.
8. I need to get some perspective on my life and start
looking at the bigger picture!
9. Statistics is killing me....BIGGER PICTURE DAMMIT!!!
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Its all about the money
Business Environment from a student's perspective.
As professionals, we look forward to working in the best organisations which offer us the maximum potential for growth and learning. From such a perspective, for a true professional, all things considered, geographical location shouldn't be a problem. That meaning, he/she has to find that place adaptable.
My recent visits to Bangalore, Hyderabad and Chennai have set me thinking as to how we at MHROD are looking towards adapting. We have an alumni strength of about 320 and we have at best only around 25 people working in these cities. Straight up, the reason for this imbalance, can be explained to be that most of our students come from across North India. But these three cities, the IT triangle, is where the action is happening. Can we afford to miss the bus? And moreover what do these cities have to offer for us MHRODians?
Hyderabad, for one is one of the cheapest cities to live in. It has got everything to offer in terms of modern urban amenities-movie plazas, malls, posh apartment blocks etc but still is the cheapest of the IT cities to live in. Bangalore, for long having enjoyed the status of being the city to live in, is now under the cloud of "crumbling" infrastructre.It also has a problem with rising vehicular pollution. But, nevertheless,is furiously working towards regaining its pre-eminince. Chennai, the other end of this triangle, has a big problem for the non-Hindi speaking population but is ramping up infrastructure pretty fast too.
These three cities are pulling ahead very fast and offer companies a huge cost saving if they invest here. Hence, even these companies don't seem to mind the minor inconvenience as long as they work gets done.Its all about the money...
As professionals, we look forward to working in the best organisations which offer us the maximum potential for growth and learning. From such a perspective, for a true professional, all things considered, geographical location shouldn't be a problem. That meaning, he/she has to find that place adaptable.
My recent visits to Bangalore, Hyderabad and Chennai have set me thinking as to how we at MHROD are looking towards adapting. We have an alumni strength of about 320 and we have at best only around 25 people working in these cities. Straight up, the reason for this imbalance, can be explained to be that most of our students come from across North India. But these three cities, the IT triangle, is where the action is happening. Can we afford to miss the bus? And moreover what do these cities have to offer for us MHRODians?
Hyderabad, for one is one of the cheapest cities to live in. It has got everything to offer in terms of modern urban amenities-movie plazas, malls, posh apartment blocks etc but still is the cheapest of the IT cities to live in. Bangalore, for long having enjoyed the status of being the city to live in, is now under the cloud of "crumbling" infrastructre.It also has a problem with rising vehicular pollution. But, nevertheless,is furiously working towards regaining its pre-eminince. Chennai, the other end of this triangle, has a big problem for the non-Hindi speaking population but is ramping up infrastructure pretty fast too.
These three cities are pulling ahead very fast and offer companies a huge cost saving if they invest here. Hence, even these companies don't seem to mind the minor inconvenience as long as they work gets done.Its all about the money...
Friday, October 07, 2005
ok Mr./hopefully Ms. Anonymous!
i had an entry from an anonymous person asking me to guess who he/hopefully she was! problem is how do i get in touch with the gentleman/ hopefully lady?
I'm currently in Chennai after a short stop at Hyderabad, again as part of my extended PlaceCom trip. At the end of two years, if i last in the placecom im sure well qualified to be a Head Hunter....Presentations, Negotiations, Deals....you name it...PlaceCom does it!!
It better be as well coz im not getting any live projects which the other students in class are getting right now. This is so seriously bad!!!...no regrets so far. Enjoying it.
Man never ask people in Hyderabad for directions. Its seriously sad. They wouldn't know the place but wud say seedha jaakar right maro while pointing towards the left!!... always find the nearest landmark to the location u want to go to. Mere address will not get you there.
I did have hyderabadi biryani...not in the old city but still it was very good. Much better than any other ive had. Rohan George and his fave Shameerpet Dabha stand forgiven!!
We had a good Alumni dinner for 5 at Hyderabad and one of em was a friend i was meeting after 5 years. What can i say...A Real Pleasure! And i also couldnt help thinking...you gotta be a hopeless loser in life to remain unemployed after getting out of MHROD!!!
I'm currently in Chennai after a short stop at Hyderabad, again as part of my extended PlaceCom trip. At the end of two years, if i last in the placecom im sure well qualified to be a Head Hunter....Presentations, Negotiations, Deals....you name it...PlaceCom does it!!
It better be as well coz im not getting any live projects which the other students in class are getting right now. This is so seriously bad!!!...no regrets so far. Enjoying it.
Man never ask people in Hyderabad for directions. Its seriously sad. They wouldn't know the place but wud say seedha jaakar right maro while pointing towards the left!!... always find the nearest landmark to the location u want to go to. Mere address will not get you there.
I did have hyderabadi biryani...not in the old city but still it was very good. Much better than any other ive had. Rohan George and his fave Shameerpet Dabha stand forgiven!!
We had a good Alumni dinner for 5 at Hyderabad and one of em was a friend i was meeting after 5 years. What can i say...A Real Pleasure! And i also couldnt help thinking...you gotta be a hopeless loser in life to remain unemployed after getting out of MHROD!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
