Enter My Mind

For the Sake of a Post

2011-12-29T20:21:00.000-08:00

Didn't want 2011 to go without a post. Now mission accomplished :-)

A lot of things have happened this year but I've not had the time to blog about it and whenever I did have the time, I was too lazy!

Wishing everyone a Happy New Year.

7 Habits of Highly Effective Idiots

2010-12-25T06:57:00.000-08:00

This is not a satiric article, but a real look at the world around. I've seen a lot of flowery articles and books on all the greatness and positive karma floating around the world. But rarely have I seen any commentary on the scum floating around. Its time to fix this deficit with this article on the 7 Habits of Highly Effective Idiots!

#1 - They are in a position of authority:

Idiots are all around us. But the ones that cause most consternation are the ones that you cannot ignore because they are in a position of authority over us. Their actions have a direct impact on our lives. Eg. parents, elder siblngs, teachers, bosses, politicians.

#2 - They think of themselves as inspirational people

They would think of themselves as inspirational ideologues and would give long-winded lectures to people who out of politeness or deference to the idiot's authority indulge them. (Think school principal!)

#3 - They overestimate their duplicity

Idiots would lie, fudge and mislead others, but are completely oblivious to the fact that the other party is on to their game. Two words to parents : Santa Claus Your kids really do lose respect when they find out.

#4 - "Know it all"

This kind of idiots would butt into any conversation and pretend that they know exactly what is going on and would try to lead the conversation forward through some inane comments that would make no sense to anyone around

#5 - Do not listen

When everybody around them is warning them about the foolhardiness of their actions, they would not pay heed and when they finally do face the consequences of their idiocy, they would blame the very same people who have been warning them.

#6 - Those who get married on reality TV

Married to Rakhi Sawant, Rahul Mahajan...seriously? But I rate this as effective idiocy, 'coz of the TRP ratings. Tells you how much of an epidemic idiocy is in our society or a lack of real entertainment in other channels that people have to watch this!

#7 - Low level of self-awareness

A highly effective idiot, would go through all above 6 points, laugh his/her gut out at other perceived idiots that they might know, but not for a moment realizing or reflecting on his/her own standing there.

Phas Gaya Re Obama - The smart hindi movie

2010-12-25T06:56:00.000-08:00

2010 has been a year when I felt that the quality of mainstream movies went up a few notches. There were several movies like Ishqiya, Love Sex Aur Dhoka, Peepli Live that explored different ways of story telling or telling stories that haven't been told before.

In this context, Phas Gaya Re Obama was a movie that simply blew me away by the sheer depth of the script and the twisted irony, that is life, it salutes.

The way in which the unfolding script mirrors the events that led to the collapse of the housing market in the US was pure genius. Any lay person would understand the absurd chain of events that the story line captures. But when you think that its same degree of absurdity that was one of the principle causes of the current recession, it does make you wonder, wtf! And when u think that recession is what Obama is caught in, you go all the more wtf at the ironic name of the movie!

Anyways the intent of this short post is to tell you that 1) I loved this movie 2) Go watch it.

HR Manager in Leading IT Company Lynched for Disrespecting Rajnikanth Dot

2010-12-16T02:00:00.000-08:00

In a shocking incident of blasphemy and its gory aftermath, an HR manager was brutally assaulted by a mob of employees in Bangalore’s famous, Electronic City. Giving details of the incident, Chella Devaiah, Superintendant of Police, E-City said, “The group of employees barged into the cabin of this HR manager and beat him black and blue for alleged disrespect to Rajnikanth. They then paraded him across the campus to set an example to other people who might insult Rajnikanth”

After hearing of this incident, Bangalore bus conductors union issued a statement extolling the Godliness of Rajnikanth and promised free bus travel to all the members of the employee mob. All they need to do is produce an FIR of the case filed against them. They also invited Rajnikanth to be a guest Bus Conductor on the 351 /356 Vajra bus service route to attract more passengers and boost employee morale, which has been devastated by i-pod carrying passengers who do not listen to the Sandalwood music diligently played by the bus drivers.

We spoke to some employees of this company who were able to give a cogent version of events. Apparently an employee, marked a mail to the HR Head asking for a salary hike, claiming Rajnikanth had said so. The HR Head replied, saying that, “ Salary hikes are given basis Company performance and quantum of hike depends of the individual performance. Rajnikanth has never and will not play a role in the salary hikes we give.” This response quickly went viral and was forwarded to all employees in the company. A section of the employees were enraged by the flagrant disregard shown by this HR Head to Rajnikanth’s omnipresence and his wish. Another group of employees were slighted by the HR Head not bothering to cross check with Rajnikanth before his response. But a bulk of the employees however were just pissed off that there was no direct answer to the question in the mail.

A mob soon gathered at the cafeteria and decided to teach the HR Head a lesson. But since she was a lady and Thalaivar has clear rules of engagement when it comes to dealing with women, that involves lot of respect giving, a compromise was reached to thrash the HR Manager who reported to her. Thus the mob barged into his room and took out their ire on him. When reports last came in, the HR Manager was recovering from this incident and claimed to be a fan of Rajnikanth himself and was serving the last week of his notice period with the company DOT

Pehchan Kaun

2010-11-20T23:59:00.001-08:00

Thats for making a logo with zero inspiration... take that Airtel and JWT!!

And as for the video, with the guy popping up wherever the girl goes...isn't that a bit like Johnny Bravo? Only difference, is the girl is happy to see the guy in the ad.

Whiskey Tequila Frooti - WTF. Its gonna be a thing.

2010-11-20T08:46:00.000-08:00

So you're 27 yr old testosterone driven male Vodafone user ever since you got a mobile phone. You wonder if your brand is meant for you. You tolerate the pug and the zoozoo though deep down you wonder it aint a little gay. But then you see the new Vodafone ad openly pandering to women and you think, Whiskey Tequila Frooti

You look at the new Airtel logo, that looks a lot like a lot of things you have seen before but can't quite place your finger on and think Whiskey Tequila Frooti.

And then in that little moment,you know thats exactly what Sunil Bharti Mittal must have been drinking when he approved the new logo! Whiskey+Tequila with Frooti.

Its been a long week and your boss calls you on Friday with a request so patently lousy that even Dilbert would go Whiskey Tequila Frooti along with you.

Your team thinks that you are a pompous ass. Whiskey Tequila Frooti. How did they know?!

Your stuck in a 2 hour traffic jam to get home on Friday, when you get a flat tyre. Yes. Whiskey Tequila Frooti

While you change your tyre, a cop fines you for stopping in a no-parking zone.Whiskey Tequila Frooti

You get home to see a 12 hour power cut and no water supply. Whiskey Tequila Frooti

You go to a restaurant, but forget your wallet. Whiskey Tequila Frooti

After all this, your partner thinks you have been deliberately ignoring her. Whiskey Tequila Frooti.

So you get the idea of WTF-Whiskey Tequila Frooti? Now in case you're wondering, why this combination? WTF!! who drinks this combination anyway??

Neighbour's Envy : Owner's Pride - A Strategy for Foreign Policy?

2010-11-12T06:51:00.000-08:00

Anyone who has read the recent book, "Obama's Wars" by Bob Woodward would be struck by 3 things. [a] Afghanistan has been on drift in the Bush years [b] Pakistan has been basically owning the Americans and playing them at will [c] Any American military tactic would be an exercise in find a face-saving exit.

There is a very interesting analogy attributed in the book to the Pakistani Ambassador to the United Stated Haqqani. He says that Pakistan like Iran is a nation of carpet salesman and diplomacy with them is like a negotiation. You got to keep on haggling on the price. Very often the buyer (in this case the US) gets disoriented In the entire seduction of the bargain and ends up with something they would never have bought when they started out! The realities of today are no less amusing. Al Qaeda is today in Pakistan. It is more dangerous for them to be in Afghanistan. The Americans set out in 2001 to root out Al Qaeda in Afghanistan and Pakistan was their ally! If this were December 2001, the Americans would have gone into Pakistan. But somehow they are doling out billions of dollars of defence aid to Pakistan with nothing more than hope.

You have got to hand it to the Pakistanis. They are like the prodigal son of the family. Rowdy, impetuous, always getting into trouble with the good elder sibling (india) watches, yet however they get away with everything and also get the girl in the end!! Pakistan is living Salman Khan’s life!

In this context the recent pronouncements by Obama on his India visit is a landmark move by the American establishment. The Americans had already realized the Pakistani game. But for the first time they have a strategy to deal with it.

If carpet bargaining were an essential South Asian trait, sibling rivalry and jealousy is the crown. By placing up India’s role in this part of the world, the Americans have started off what could be a very bloody game in turning around Pakistan. A disaffected Pakistan could wreck havoc in the short run in the region in an attempt to role back or slow down American largesse to India. If however the Americans hold their ground, then the Pakistanis would start their carpet bargaining game again. Layer by layer new offers would be made. American leverage here is India ie the threat that they would rather get their carpets from the Big brother next door.

Possible things that would happen in the months to come would be
A] Terrorist attacks on American interests in Afghanistan
B] Another 26/11 type attack in India
C] Terrorist attacks on American interests in India
D] Pakistan giving up some senior level Taliban figures to earn goodwill

E] Pakistan giving up Mullah Omar, the Taliban chief
F] Pakistan giving up Al-Zawhari or other senior Al Qaeda leader
G] Osama Bin Laden, dying naturally (due to his kidney ailment)
H] Pakistan giving up Osama Bin Laden

The outer limit to this is the 2012 Presidential elections. If Obama gets re-elected, Pakistan sees a longer game. Else they might have an opportunity to redo from start. Either way the Americans have just unleashed a new wave of chaos. Chaos precedes stability. This unfolding diplomatic game of Neighbors Envy, Owners Pride is sure to usher in interesting times.

Tragic Suicide of Young Woman

2010-11-09T04:14:00.000-08:00

In another tragic incident, the chaotic lifestyle of today's urban youth claimed another victim.

Renu Chawla was a 30 yr old successful newscaster for Channel WTF. Though she was from a reasonably affluent middle class background, Renu had to go through her share of problems in life. Educated in a conservative nunnery aka boarding school in Shimla, Renu felt like a freed bird when she moved to one of India’s premier colleges. Inebriation, intoxication and orgasms were words learnt in school but understood in college. These should not mask the fact that Renu was exceptional at studies, which explains her admission to these premier institutions. She was a girl who also had her fun. (If guys reading this are feeling sorry for themselves, ur bad). This life would have been the dream for any guy.

Renu went on to weather a turbulent marriage that was preceded by a whirlwind romance to a guy, whose virtues were visible only to her. She found him funny, smart, handsome and caring. Others however saw him to be slimy, two-faced and perpetually horny. The inevitable divorce left Renu in the dumps but she got her career soaring as a way of coping. Long work days, longer party nights with friends were now her lifestyle. Evading her parents and snooty relatives was now her favorite pastime. It is into this dysfunctional life he came in. She affectionately called him Kenny and she was crazy for him. She changed completely. Work now stopped at 6pm. Friends could wait for the weekend. She could now see her family in the eye.

And then one day she caught Kenny following Sara into her house. Sara was her neighbor and a TV model to boot. She hated that bitch. That bitch with her long silky hair and all. She especially hated her during her bad hair days. Tears streamed down her eyes. All the disappointments of her life flashed in front of her eyes. In a moment of madness, she jumped off her 10th floor balcony.

It was a huge story. Channel WTF covered it LIVE for 36 hours. The Police arrested her ex-husband for abetment of suicide. A heartbroken Kenny sat in the balcony and refused to eat for days and eventually died.

Video of that Bitch, Sara.

PS: This is a work of fiction and any resemblance to any Renu Chawla, Kenny or Channel WTF is entirely coincidental. However, the same may not be true for others and if this story reminds you of snippets from your own life call a suicide helpline. I shall not be responsible for any damage you do yourself or anyone around you

Kashmir Does Matter - Dont Mess With It

2010-11-03T23:50:00.000-07:00

The recent outburst by Arundhati Roy and the reactions to it had got me thinking. While it was easy shooting down the messenger, Ms.Roy, I was however, finding it a little more difficult to overlook her message - The hopelessness felt by the people of Kashmir.

I agree that Kashmir is part of the overall geo-political game in the region and a weak hand by the Indian Government, would have ramifications for the rest of India. After a long search over the past 10 days I have discovered some cynical, startling truths that I cannot explain or justify but I have come to believe.

1. Never trust the Pakistani establishment. But, given that my state of confusion was regarding Kashmir, I would henceforth stick only to the Kashmir problem.

2. The media and punditry has always criticized the GoI for lacking imagination but never have come up with any worth while suggestions themselves. The closest anyone has come up to convince me with their idea for this has been...Pervez Musharaf!!

Watch from 6.55 onwards

3. Power Corrupts. Absolute Power Corrupts Absolutely. AFSPA is absolute power. And giving it in the hands of men trained for battle and the moral compass of whose leaders may not always be pointing North (refer Adarsh Society) is asking for trouble. This is not a problem that is restricted to the Indian State. Even the holier than thou Western powers have asked Amnesty International to take a walk when it comes to territories in Iraq and Afghanistan. The Army is meant to fight battles, not govern. They can build a bridge, better and faster than anyone else in the country. But that does not mean we let them run the country, state or districts. This is applicable in every state and corner of the country, of which Kashmir is only one.

4. It is not the Army's job to step in for the failure of elected officials to provide Governance and of bureaucrats to provide efficient pubic service. An efficient democratic process at least lets us throw out the politicians but who is holding the Judiciary and the Bureaucracy of India accountable? The bureaucrats of the country, at worst get a transfer for misdeeds or suspension with pay till they are inevitably restored. Judicial Accountability is the biggest joke in this country. The media is not allowed to question them, without attracting contempt of court proceedings and in the rarest of rare cases where the message does get through, the judge is transferred! So while this is the state of affairs in India, in Kashmir, the bureaucracy is skeletal and the judiciary phantom.

5. One of the biggest reasons for the intractable stance of most Indians in Kashmir is that they do not really have the true picture of what is happening on the ground in Kashmir. It is important for the media to give an accurate picture of the issues on the ground. Fair and balanced, but not the Fox News style! By peddling the Government's side, they are letting the Govt off the hook for its failings.

6. India is a collection of states and culture. Despite the best efforts of our Civics text books, we grow to realize that there is no "Indian culture". Most Indians would feel discriminated and subject to racial taunts when they go to other parts of the country. Ask anyone from the North East in Delhi or South Indian in Delhi or North Indian in Chennai or Bihari in Mumbai. Yet we travel and move to fulfill our dreams. We assimilate and learn. We understand and forgive. We grow by being more Indian.

Being Indian is an acquired taste. I think its worth it.

Tri-Color Nation

2010-10-31T05:02:00.000-07:00

The tri-color reminds many people in India, Russia, Romania, Ireland and Costa Rica of their nation's flag. But the tri-color also represents a ubiquitous entity that transcends national boundaries. It is the color coded lingo of the corporate world.

Across industries, these three simple colors have been used as code by the corporate world to measure complex performance requirements. The job might be getting thermal nuclear power plants to power an entire continent or simply packaging candies made for 3 yr olds, but the report card is the same - Red, Amber of Green. If there is one person who can take credit for this dumbing down of Corporate Management, it is Captain Ranga De.

Captain Ranga De, was a colossus who strutted around this Corporate Nation across continents, in his 25 year corporate career. After a 6 year Army career that was cut short by life-threatening injuries, Ranga De moved to the corporate world and has worked in many companies in different countries in many different roles.

Two things he always carried with him -
1. A hard charging and overbearing attitude that drove his teams to the extreme limits of their performance, patience and sanity
2. The tri-color performance matrix that drove his teams to the extreme limits of their performance, patience and sanity

Ranga De was a hard man to please. Once as the Director of a Sport Channel, he showed Harsha Bhogle the red card from the commentary box, telling him that he would be much better at his job if he talked less and worked more.

Another time, as the Sales Head of a struggling car dealership, he ordered the flagship model to be sold only in Green color to turnaround sales in Gujarat. When that did not succeed, he moved into an HR role and fired the entire sales team for non-performance.

The coup de grace from this illustrious gentleman was delivered surprisingly by his wife, Basanti Ranga De at his retirement party when she said, "I would like to thank everyone he has worked with, who supported him despite the life-threatening injuries, that left him color-blind when he joined the corporate world"

Breaking News : Leading IT Company declares 0% attrition through 2010-11

2010-10-28T01:14:00.001-07:00

In what can only be described as a Bradmanesque achievement one of the industry leading marquee IT firms stole a march over all other companies in declaring that it has seen 0% attrition in the entire financial year of 2010-11. When asked by dumb-founded analysts about the secret behind this incredulous achievement, the Chairman of the company pointed to an internal policy memo circulated to its employees by its Chief Human Resource Officer last March.

Dear Employee,
As you would be knowing, we are going through tough times in the IT industry. To help the company overcome these uncertain times, I am implementing the following steps
• I would be linking 30% of your take-home salary to the company performance. And since the company is not doing well, you will in-effect be having a 30% pay-cut.
• I’m also happy to inform you that the above policy would be in-effect for 2 yrs. And when we revert to our old policy all of you would feel like you have got a 30% hike with no additional cost to the company.
• I am implementing a High Convenience travel policy. All future travel requests would start with an Autorickshaw request, For example, if an employee has to travel between Delhi and Chennai, he would start with an Autorickshaw request. If no autos are available, then a bus request and if no buses are available then a train request and finally if no other option is available, the supervisor would fly to Chennai.
• I am terminating the entire house keeping staff in all our office with immediate effect. Employees in bench would be utilized for these services. This would be part of our effort to imbibe Gandhian values in the workplace.
• In appreciation of the employee contribution to the company, with immediate effect I am rewarding all employees with two free Gulab Jamuns at lunch.

I know that all of you would appreciate the Gulab Jamuns and continue to work with us

RAJNIKANTH
Chief Human Resource Officer

Honest Confession to Voyeurism

2010-10-16T22:35:00.000-07:00

I'm no voyeur. But some of you are doing your best to make me one. Many of you might refuse to recognise me after this post. Its ok, but you should know.

You see my name is such that it invariably ends up in the top of most people's mobile phone contact lists. Thanks to this privilege, I get atleast 6 unsolicited calls each week.

50% of the time, the unlocked keypad in your pocket, lets me know that you are travelling. Most of the time, its the people on the bikes (I can tell by the sound of the traffic). My dear friends, I sincerely hope that it is a mistake that your phone got dialled and not because your pillion rider was playing with it, in your pocket. I do give you the benefit of the doubt, it was a genuine mistake on your part.

20% of the time, people go to sleep on their mobile phone. You see when I get a call at night, its scary. The nature of my job, means any night time call from an office colleague's number is an indication of disaster. So I actually attend these calls. Only to hear snoring at the other end. Yes. Ladies, some of you snore. Or is the person next to you? I do give you the benefit of the doubt, it was a genuine mistake on your part.

20% of the time, its your kids. Some of you might wonder, why an otherwise scary creature like me, could be so good with kids. Well because they call me. All the time. Give any kid a mobile phone and invariably mine is the first number they dial. I strain to understand the mumbo-jumbo language because something in me says its rude to hang up on a kid who called me. Even if I'm running through an airport security check (Yes I left the phone on while it went through the scanner). I don't think any parent gives their cellphone deliberately to their kid. I do give you the benefit of the doubt, it was a genuine mistake on your part.

9% of the time, (I'm still not sure how) people hang up when I pick up the phone. I guess this is the malady of the great Indian telecom revolution that is called Call Dropping. Stupid Mobile Phone companies, but friends, I do give you the benefit of the doubt, it was not even a genuine mistake on your part.

Last 1% or less, 2 times this has happened. When you make out with your partner, please do put your phone away. Its not at all necessary for me to hear it or about it. I know who you are, but wouldn't embarrass you. I don't think you wanted to make me jealous. I do give you the benefit of the doubt, it was a stupid mistake on your part.

This story is a work of fiction (maybe not) and definitely has no relation to anyone living or dead. But when you see/hear the ubiquitous Amitabh Bachchan remember "Lock Kar Diya Jai", your mobile phone.

Man throws shoe at supervisor for bad appraisal

2010-08-29T03:09:00.000-07:00

When Muntadhar al-Zaidi threw his infamous Size 10 shoe, he unwittingly popularized a new form of civil disobedience. This form of political protest has resonated around the world. And now, it has entered the corporate world. All thanks to Johnny Gaddar.

Johnny Gaddar was a happy go lucky corporate lackey, who did anything to keep his boss happy and the good appraisals rolling in. His motto in life was naukri aur chokri. But when his boss sat down with him to discuss a less than satisfactory appraisal, Johnny lost his cool. He could not believe that his hypocritical boss would have the gall to tell him he did not perform, with a straight face. Ten minutes into the conversation, Johnny snapped. He wanted to cry, but didn't want to give his boss the pleasure of seeing him cry. In a flash, he removed his Size 11 shoes and let loose at his boss. The sweet sound of leather smacking his bald forehead was so cathartic for Johnny that he wanted to do it again. By the time, he got his other shoe off, his boss had fled the conference room and was running down the aisle. Seeing this scene unfold before them, other co-workers too took aim at the boss. In fact, Jasmine's six-inch stilettos drew first blood.

Within one hour, word of this incredible happenstance, spread like wildfire across the corporate world. Such scenes were beginning to get replicated across the world. Someone shot a re-enactment of this on their mobile phone and put it up on youtube. The video, had 6 million hits in 6 hours. The Security team in Johnny's office immediately swung into action to confiscate footwear. As you can see, they literally ended with a mountain of shoes.

Group9 Security Head, John Rambo (no relation to Johnny) said, "We had deployed highly qualified security personnel for our operations, as we believed that these corporates were vulnerable to terrorist attacks. In fact many of our personnel are trained commandos. But we did not figure that the biggest terror would come from within."

A senior industry analyst quipped that security agencies like Group9 are seeing windfall profits by charging a bomb for putting up extra overweights chowkidars and putting up cheap mosquito net partitions in conference rooms to protect against shoe-throwers. "A new multi-billion dollar industry has opened overnight, all thanks to stupid bosses!"

MBTI Khap Panchayat

2010-08-24T07:22:00.000-07:00

There is a huge social unrest sweeping the country today. It has got the people up in arms and angst. There have been riots across the country, with many State Governments struggling to enforce law and order.

As we know, the entire country is divided into a rigid system of khaps, which are based on an individual’s MBTI scores. There are 16 different khaps across the country as permitted by the MBTI scores. For generations, the khaps have strictly enforced 3 basic rules

1. A man cannot marry a woman from the same khap ie with the same MBTI score
2. A man cannot marry a woman with the same MBTI score as his mother
3. There shall be no social discrimination basis one’s khap or MBTI score

Lily Dholakia, renowned khap sociologist says, “The 3 khap rules of engagement were perfect. A couple with the same MBTI score getting together, was akin to inbreeding and would have begotten retarded children. Rule #2 reflects the total chauvinistic nature of society. If the woman and mother in law had the same MBTI score, the chances of them being best friends are very high, which could undermine the men in the family. Hence they never let bride-Mother in law with the same MBTI score come together.”

This time tested system has seen some recent challenges. Instances of same-khap marriages have increased among young couples. There has been an increase in young couples committing suicide.
One couple, Bunty and Bably Singh in their joint suicide note said, “Once the embers of young love, have fizzled out, we came to realize that we were basically married to mirror images of ourselves and we could neither stand ourselves and neither could we find solace in our partner. We do not want to live such wretched lives. This decision is entirely ours and not influenced by anyone else in our families or khaps and especially not by the group therapy sessions conducted by our khap panchayat”

After the recent recession, companies have begun to realize that they need to fire the bottom 10% employees in their companies. An arbit survey done by NASSCOM has come to the conclusion that ENFP employees form the bulk of these laid-off employees.

Sajani Singhania, a senior HR professional says, “ENFP are very employable people. Its easiest for them to find a job in the market. It also rests very lightly on our conscience, as we know they are going to be better off anyways. It really is a win-win situation” Responding, to this Kroor Singh, a senior INTJ khap leader, said, “If ENFP can have a firing quota, then we demand that INTJ people also be given a hiring quota. This will only restore the balance of fairness. This has a huge conflict potential, with all khaps possibly laying claims to various degress of quotas.

With these competing and controversial demands, the country is heading for tough times ahead. Only cricket or the Government can save us. But with the cricket team and IPL in shambles, as usual, we look to the Government of Pakistan to provide a suitably spectacular diversion so that people can be distracted from this controversy.

Sherry the fondler

2010-08-19T08:26:00.000-07:00

The World Cup season is over. Paul the Octopus has won. Mani cut a sorry face, like parrots usually do and Harry the Crocodile didn’t get due credit, coz, let’s face it, nothing Down Under ever does, unless you’re Kylie or Nicole.

But their prowess during the World Cup has inspired the Corporate World to incorporate such best practices into their system. One leading Indian Conglomerate has stolen a march over the rest and come up with their own lucky mascot idea. However, they were confronted with a unique dilemma when they realized that they couldn’t bring an animal into the premises. So the ever-resourceful HR department decided to come up with their own animal and dug into their list of sexual harassment cases to find their own in-house predator.

It was decided to hold a reality TV competition that was beamed live through the intranet to all the 240,000 employees of the company, who voted for their favorite predator. The panel of judges, included notable figures like Shakti Kapoor, Shiney Ahuja and the Managing Director of the company. After an intense competition, which was open to all 124 registered predators and hitherto unknown ones (a group of 12567) a final winner was chosen – Sherry the fondler.

Addressing the audience after the announcement the MD clarified that Sherry held a distinct competitive advantage, because he was an equal opportunity fondler, as he went after men and women, irrespective of their sexual orientation. This was very important in the current socio-economic environment and was the right outlook that the company could showcase.

The company decided to put Sherry to work by allowing him to referee any intra company debate. For eg: If there is a heated debate over opposing business proposals, it would be left to Sherry to referee. If there were 6 people in the group and Sherry gropes/fondles one of them, say Kiran, then Kiran’s proposal would be chosen. If, however, Sherry decides to fondle more than one person then it would be declared a mistrial and the process would be restarted (Yes, this process is fair only to Sherry).

The same process would also be followed in case of promotions. Whosoever, Sherry fondles will be promoted. 1st weeks of January and July have been declared as promotion season. Sherry would be let loose with an HR team in tow and whosoever is fondled by him, would be promoted with immediate effect. The HR team would take care of all the formalities once Sherry is done with the employee.

Karan Ahuja, VP-HR says “We have got many complaints from employees on the much-delayed HR process for promotions and have found this to be the quickest way to address this issue. I’m sure we would increase employee satisfaction this way!”

It is to be seen how popular this initiative would turn out to be. Most employees have mixed feelings about this, except a very ecstatic Sherry. “I used to be an mongrel on the company premises no-one cared about. But now, Im a superstar. As they say, Every Dog Has His Day”

A small story with some expletives

2010-05-18T22:29:00.001-07:00

Random Industry Conference

Friend : Hi, you're from CTB?

CTB HR lady : Yes (with a stern face)

Friend : So you know a lady called S***n who works there?

CHRL : Oh I'm from U*S. But we don't discuss lady employees with strangers

Friend : I'm sorry. Few friends from CTB had mentioned her name

CHRL : (Gives a dirty look) You should check with your friends :)

Friend : Of course. (embarassed to the core). Please don't get me wrong. S***n is a family woman and I was just checking.

CHRL : Of course you were. :)

Friend : Excuse me. I have to get a call.

Friend (out of scene) : B***h @ CHRL ... My friends are B****C***s, K#$@$@#$, M#@%$%#$@, @#$@#$@##@$ %$^$#%$ #$#%$

Moral of the story : If your remember drunken tales of friends in a formal gathering of complete strangers, please do not bother to verify

Tech company comes out of the Closet – Declares it is an equal opportunity employer

2010-05-08T02:19:00.000-07:00

One of the World’s leading technology companies has declared that it would become an equal opportunity employer, ie it would not discriminate against employees on the basis of race, religion, caste, language or performance. Commenting on this latest announcement Mr. Charlie Flute, Sr HCP (Human Capital Practitioner) said, “We are only articulating what has been a part of the company’s value system for a long time. We have followed a Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy when it comes to employee performance. We never asked about people’s performance and we never told them that they did not perform”

PARETTO & 80-20

We asked Mr. Flute how his organization would deliver high performance with such a value system. He responded, “See you have to be pragmatic about these things. Let us look at Paretto’s 80-20 principle. 80% of the work is done by 20% of the people. Even Paretto implies that the remaining 80% are contributing. The exact percentages are difficult to quantify, given the matrix structure of organization. 50% of them are supervisors and 30% are additional supervisors. Yes the numbers look unfair on the face of it but please understand our customers demand 99.95% performance not 80%. So every last bit matters.”

JACK WELCH v/s BUDDHA

When we pointed out that his organization sacked 5% of the bottom performers, Mr Flute summarily dismissed our suggestion of hypocrisy. “We don’t take Jack Welch and his management philosophies seriously. We follow a Buddhist Management philosophy.” So on what basis are these 5% employees sacked? “Bad karma in a previous birth. Firing these people is a good way to cleanse the company and keep its karma pure. It will make us successful in the next birth”

Tommy Says..

This piece of news has left the neighborhood dogs howling. We met Tommy, the neighborhood mongrel who gave us a salacious version. “Man, the only people who get fired there are people who give us biscuits with no hidden intent. The rest of 95% who keep their jobs come to befriend us and learn a trick or two on tail wagging, boss licking, giving cute looks, back biting on behalf of boss etc. The worst are the HCP people! Human Chauvinist P**s Alright!”

We asked Tommy if he is not indulging in undoggily conduct by bitching about people who befriend him? “What to do man I caught this disease from them humans. Its worse than rabies. At least with rabies I only try to bite my own back.”.

Good or bad this is the new avatar of the corporate world.

Dogs and Appraisals

2010-05-04T10:22:00.001-07:00

click on the picture below for best resolution. http://donscave.blogspot.com

Notes From JNU

2010-04-04T18:20:00.000-07:00

4th April 2010,
Dhabha 1, opp Ganges Hostel (?)

Its a Dog's Life

I had just met up with a friend at JNU and we were sitting at a dhabha table catching up over the news of the last few months. There was this puppy that was asleep at our feet. After a while, he got up and started prancing around with another bigger dog. Puppies can be so cute and funny. Then his friend goes away. Puppy stays around. In a few mins, out of nowhere, appear two large black dogs who jump on the puppy. He comes scampering to our table, but the big dogs pin him down. One of them, gets his large jaw right around the pup's stomach, when we kick out at him. The dogs scamper away. The puppy stays put. He whines a bit and settles down under the table. His friend comes back. The puppy goes to him, warily, and tries to enact how he almost got bitten. His friend, who himself wasn't a big dog, didn't quite know how to react. But he humored the puppy for a bit and then left to chase the next biscuit that had been dropped at the other end. Puppy comes back to base. Its a dog's life

JNU ka Josh

I'm reliably informed that JNU is a very France-like place. Full of egalite, liberte and fraternite. People often rise up against oppression, usually three times a day. The current uprising, is against the oppression of the Indian state of tribals in Jharkhand and Chhattisgarh. So there is a strike against this, and students are apparently not allowed to write their exams. Also apparently, the most popular strikes are the ones during exam times! As a taxpayer, who contributes to the Govt subsidising the education of these folks, I am not amused! But it still is funny ain't it, studing on the Govt's dime and protesting against the Govt!! Viva la democracie! The same reliable informer succinctly puts it, " Campus politics is like mass hallucination"

The Happy Tank

The story of the Happy Tank goes thus. Long time back, the JNU management hired some IIT engineers to build this huge water tank on campus. So these guys got happy and build the tank they did, a huge red and white water tank. It so turned out that the tank was so huge that when filled with water the pillar couldn't stand the weight of the water.So they don't fill it with water. Instead, they have got this black Sintex tank mounted on the side, which must be 1/100th size of the original tank to store water. So, in memory of their Happy IIT brethren, or rather as a tribute, JNU folks gather around regularly at the base of the tank, often many times a day and get happy. So that is the story of the Happy Tank!

The House Always Wins

2010-03-30T18:07:00.000-07:00

"Because the house always wins.
Play Iong enough, never change the stakes, the house takes you.

UnIess, when that perfect hand comes,
you bet big. Then you take the house."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkAR8wAWiHM

This is the perfect prescription to take on what life has to offer.

Random Lungi Sighting ...

2010-03-28T20:04:00.000-07:00

On a flight from Hyderabad to Chennai, I saw something worth a blog. I saw man wearing a sarong (lungi) boarding the flight ahead of me. Now it is something you won't see too much of in the North, unless you happen to meet our current Home/Defence Minister or their southern colleagues. Anyway, Hyderabad is South India and I chided myself for being surprised at this. Then I saw his hand luggage and immediately you knew I had material for my next blog!

The man was carrying a "lungi-holder". It was similar to one of those contraptions you would pack a suit in. But this was designed for those white formal sarongs or "mundhu's" that people down south would wear. Some of you might have seen it before. But this was the first time I had seen such a thing. My only regret right now is that I hadn't taken a picture of that!

Thank God I don't have a TV

2010-03-06T10:14:00.000-08:00

Else I would have to had to see the sorry charade of a wife beating, coke snorting imbecile, whose only credentials in life are his father's name, being paraded around TV channels as the hottest new celebrity in India. Damn reality TV. #$#!@#!#%$@#$%#$

The fact that this show is still playing, means that a lot of people are watching it. Talk about society dumbing down...

The day that would live in infamy

2010-02-28T05:51:00.000-08:00

It would have stumped Gandhi,
Nehru would have wept silly,
Patel would have hung his head in shame,
Bose...I wonder what Bose would have done...

It was the day when M.F.Hussein renounced his Indian citizenship and became a citizen of Qatar. I'm not sure that if any or all of the aforementioned gentlemen would have been fans of his art. But what I am sure of is that this is not the India that they had fought for, two of them had died for.

Hundreds of Sikhs were burnt in '84 but we tread on. Thousands of Muslims have been plundered and massacred many times since Independence, but somehow we still went on. Hindus themselves, have killed each other more than a thousand times in the name of caste since independence, yet we were able to go on. We have managed to carve out a political constituency and ideology on all sides of these tragedies. And our country has flourished under a veneer of democracy that we flaunt as a trophy at our lesser democratic neighbours. Flawed as this is, it only takes a cursory peek at our neighbours to realize how blessed we are.

Yet there is no solace for this 96 yr old man. There is no constituency that he could provide, that might interest anyone. Once upon a time, he was an interesting man to hate and whose art could be trashed with great media publicity. But now, that art of trashing has lost its media mileage.

Now he is just a sorry testament to what sometimes looks to be an oxymoron "WE, THE PEOPLE OF INDIA, having solemnly resolved to constitute India into a SOVEREIGN SOCIALIST SECULAR DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC and to secure to all its citizens:

JUSTICE, social, economic and political;
LIBERTY of thought, expression, belief, faith and worship;
EQUALITY of status and of opportunity;
and to promote among them all
FRATERNITY assuring the dignity of the individual and the unity and integrity of the Nation;"

One man we fail and its a slap on my Indian face that he chose to find freedom elsewhere. Lets be upfront about this. Indian art is not going to die because MF Hussein decided to be a Qatari. Its not even a drop in the ocean that is India. Nothing died, except even if only by a little bit, the idea of India.

Innocence Lost

2010-02-13T07:43:00.000-08:00

Been to any self-service food joint off late? McDonald's / Subway / Nirula's ? Paid the money and got the bill before the order was placed? Waited for a table to get free? Waited for your order no. to flash on those electronic boards?

There is a place in India, where they would give you the food first and then the token, then you go pay the bill. Where you will never get a full table for yourself, and usually you go and share the place vacant in the next available table. The guy who took your bill, will bring precisely what you ordered to your table. They serve arguably the best breakfast you might get anywhere in India.

I have been to this place only once. It was recommended by a lot of friends. I loved that place and would recommend it too. When you go to Pune next, go to the German Bakery. Somebody bombed it today. 8 people died and 30+ injured.

They will probably frisk you silly before you enter that place again. But you should go. I will go too. This bomb shouldn't change us.

He lives in the street next to German bakery. I hope you meet him. He lives under the table of one of those shops that sell footwear on the lane leading to Osho ashram. He has a limp and is fond of marking his territory. I wonder what he made of that big bang noise. I wonder if he would change. Tell him he shouldn't. He is a smart dog. He would understand.

A Master Class in Ripostes

2010-02-07T07:28:00.000-08:00

This is not a political article, but an attempt to highlight, how you don't have to roll in the mud with your opponent to prove a point or win the argument.

This was what Rahul Gandhi showed the Shiv Sena last week. The Thackerays had been throwing expletives aplenty at Rahul. These included gaalis on his sexual drive and his mother. (Generally these kinds of gaalis are the preserve of the North Indians that the Thackerays swear to hate! I guess the gaalis have migrated and assimilated better than their creators!)

Such provocation, would have got most men to react violently.What we saw from Rahul Gandhi ended up showing the Thackerays as barking dogs who have to send their lackeys to bite err.. hold black flags. It showed maturity on the Cong G-Sec's part. Letting the Police arrest the Thackerays would have given them undeserved hero status, but ignoring them and doing as he wished, he put them in their place.

The politics of this aside, the learning is people might provoke you to say or do things. If u get provoked, they win. Hold your game and keep your eyes on the prize. You will win in style.

Conformity makes you happy?

2010-01-30T04:25:00.000-08:00

I work for a well-known company in India. My job involves meeting a lot of people, everyday. People from various backgrounds and at various levels in the organization. If one were to step back from the sheer tediousness of listening and talking to so many people, its actually a very fascinating experience. Not an experience that I would recommend anyone embrace, but one that I'm sure people would appreciate.

I see a lot of people who have no idea, why is it that they do what they do. People are sticklers for conformity. Thats what they have done all their life. That was what families, peers and societies have demanded out of them. They have got a degree in a subject, which they had no idea they were interested in, but the family circle, thought being an Engineer or a Doctor was respectable. Being an MBA was respectable. They are in marriages which were forced upon them, as they hit the marriageable age. An age deemed by society. Men and women, who are kids themselves, are changing diapers. People in love, decide to tie the knot, coz society demands that they need that stamp of conformity to lead a normal conjugal life.

All these things come at a cost. Your education, love, marriage, loveless marriage. Everything. And the cost is not always money. When such things of greater importance have been an exercise in conformity, what are the odds that your job is going to be any different? You get into what, at the time, was the most talked about industry and meet people like me. I would tell you that, after a point this job like most corporate jobs, would become a pursuit of the next pay cheque to pay your bills. Fulfillment of the soul is moot, as there is no soul to fill. You might think that Conformity, never killed anybody but creativity did. Well my friend, each day you conform, you die a little. Its a pity we hardly do anything about it, though we realize we are dying.

Go on. Be a Tiger (the jungli billi). Challenge the paradigm. Tiger Woods screwed it up, coz he tried to conform to what society expected of him. Nobody lifts an eyebrow at a George Clooney, Vijay Mallya or a Lewis Hamilton. They live on their own terms and make money too.

I recently watched this movie, "Up In The Air" and I must say no movie in recent times has left such an impression on me. I live a nomadic life and revel in the anonymity it gives me, even from my family. We all need someone / something to cling to. But is conformity the price that we pay for it? Are we willing to bear the weight of this conformity?

I have no answer to this question. In life, we need to decide for ourselves, what are the Principles of Life we need to adhere to and live them, regardless of short term consequences.

Watch the movie: "Up In the Air"

An excerpt from the dialogues:

George Clooney: How much did they first pay you to give up on your dreams?

The Guy He is Firing: 27 Grand a Year

GC: And when were you going to stop and come back and do what makes you happy?

TGHIF: Good question

Observations from a road trip

2010-01-25T18:58:00.000-08:00

1. Do you have a car, money to buy fuel but sit at home on a pleasant Sunday noon, thinking how bored you are? Its time you get car-jacked. The thief would make better use of your car.

2. Traffic on the road and at the wine shop is much thinner on Sunday.

3. I've always known that Punjabis are loud, but drunk Punjabis are louder than a Pioneer music system, belting out Psychedelic rock.

4. A drunk Punjabi forgets directions within 10 mts but can still buy awesome cake. Road trips are infinitely more fun when drunk Punjabi is around (No offence to Punjabis, your women are hot!)

5. No Punjabi, drunk or sober, would accept non-kadak roti at a Dhabha. It insults everything they hold dear in life. (It should insult all Indians, if u ask me)

6. The Indian countryside is infinitely beautiful. You do not have to visit these extortion rackets called "country resorts" to enjoy the beauty of nature.

7. If you are going to start a bonfire from the stump of a tree by the lake bed, on a starry half-moon night you better have along more liquor and meat or at the least some newspapers so u don't have to sit on wet mud.

8. The setting mentioned in #7 can be considered romantic, only if you are in company of a partner of the opposite sex

9. No one takes kindly to being pissed on, especially dying embers of a bonfire you are trying to put out. Watch out for the fire flakes!

10. You can always coax a dhaba guy to make a 5 egg anda burjee, even when his menu mentions only 1 egg anda burjee

11. After several rounds of KingFisher Light, it just takes one Knock Out, to knock you out!!

12. Stay Cool. Even as you skid on a dirt road you have hit by mistake and dust flies all around, waking the passed out men in the back seat. Your calmness will put them back to sleep in no time. There is no greater sin than disturbing the slumber of a drunk man.

13. Before you embark on a road trip - Fill your tank and empty your bladder, repeatedly!

14. Im happy I could keep my vow of abstinence, through this trip!

Would You Make Your New Year Resolution Public?

2010-01-02T20:40:00.000-08:00

I know a lot of people scoff at new year resolutions. Primarily, because we end up not keeping them. There are many more who would look down on the idea, as that is giving one day too much significance. Hence some Bankers, moved New Years to 1 April, Fools Day! If you break your resolution, you can tell you conscience, "I was fooling you anyway!!" or would that be vice versa? Only a banker could have done that!! (Play with promises and conscience, and make a chicken and egg story of the two!!)

But I do believe we should be able to make promises to ourselves to keep. Pick a day and do it. Since most of us don't do it anyways, Jan 1 is just as good a day to start. The point being, DO IT. Let us avoid cowardice, and hide behind phrases like "Subconsciously, I knew..." "My Head said..." "My Heart said..." etc

Its a tough battle between the two. Let not the dread of breaking a promise for 300 days of the year, stop us from making a promise for the first 65. Its ok, it gets better. We should not give up on ourselves so easily. Its a struggle worth fighting for - Nirvana, it is, when there is absolute unity between the conscious and subconscious.

I make my promises; some public, most private.

1. I would abstain from alcohol, through the year.
2. I would lose, a kg a week till i get back to my MBA days weight level!
3. The rest are private :)

Oh yes, wish you a very happy new year my dears!!

Another test!!

2009-12-28T10:44:00.000-08:00

See my Personality Profile

As with most of these tests - mostly true, but with some exceptions.

Broom Cricket - The Game

2009-11-30T01:00:00.000-08:00

Last week I came across another mutation of the great game of cricket.

Venue - Living room of a friend's Apartment in Gurgaon

Equipment - A broom (aka Jhadoo) and a stress ball (those yellow balls with a smiley)

Rules of the Game - Flexible and open to innovation

Ways to get out - One pitch one hand catch / If the broomsman hits the ball on the full against the wall/cupboard/keyboard/table/shoe-rack he or she is out/ Bowled.

Runs - All safe shots off the broom that don't get you out, count for one run

Timing - 10 pm to 2 am

Break - Scotch / Rum / Whiskey / Biryani

Best Rule Innovation - A fielder is designated as Rahul Dravid and if the ball makes contact with him the same rules apply as when they hit "The Wall".

Winners - All. We played for the joy of the game and were too drunk to remember the scores!

Fun Quotient - Awesome. Five Star Rating. Safe for children of all ages.

Addendum - The Honesty Rule (the best innovation cricket has seen

If a batsman disputes an out call or wants to cheat and play again, he needs to "I honestly want another chance" upon which he can play on. The honesty rule can be used only once in an innings.

Result of an Emperical Study into the Rationale Behind Romantic Chemistry Between People

2009-11-01T04:36:00.001-08:00

There is no rationale. |End of Study|

The perils of flying Air India

2009-10-31T05:00:00.001-07:00

Last week I had to make a quick trip to Chennai. A quick search on the net, showed I would be lucky to get a flight ticket on Air India at a fare which is just about 3 times the bus fare to Chennai at 10-15 am.

Folks at that time, for that price if you get a deal, have no further expectations. Unfortunately, I did. My mistake.

1. You could be booked on the domestic leg of an international flight.
2. You could be stuck in the security line behind 39 [that right i counted] Haj pilgrims, most of whom are on an airplane for the first time in their lives.
3. You could be incredibly hungry and all the snack counters inside the airport could be closed
4. You could get a flight crew, where the air hostess is older than your Grandma!
5. You could get the world's worst breakfast snack on the flight
6. You could run into turbulence and feel the seats vibrate violently. And your granny Air hostess will give you a stern "Do Not Whine" look
7. You could have the worst landing when you think damn I don't wanna go like this
8. You could land up in the airport and go through a swine flu machine that shows your body temperature to have reduced to freezing levels.

Yet for all this, you could still be better off than Ryan Air [or so I am told!]

Would you be massaged by a snake?

2009-10-24T06:03:00.000-07:00

I came across this story earlier this week. I was disgusted!! Apparently this has been going on for quite sometime around the world. The reporter in this news-piece refers to the massage as a "sensual feeling". Ain't that bestiality? Illegal in many countries?

In a way however, its only natural progression. Once men acquiesce their role in bringing massage pleasure and relief to their fellow beings, its only natural that the snakes take over, figuratively and otherwise!

So snakes as techies...who btw have the same cribs this hero in the video has!

The Values Proposition

2009-10-20T19:08:00.000-07:00

I'm in a profession that involves managing people and their aspirations on behalf of the organization that we work for. Some people, I manage directly but the vast majority indirectly. The rigors of daily work apart, it is always a very interesting experience watching people take life decisions and the grounds on which they take them.

I've seen people use money as the barometer for measuring every situation and people associated with it. Everything from their job to marriage boils down to the monetary value. As I type this, I can hear the dhol at a wedding hall down the street and can't help but wonder, whats the deal there! I somehow thought that by the time we complete our first year at work, it is pretty much established that money is not the only thing, not even the primary thing for one's career! And I wonder at what point of time in life, do we get this realization?

Another kind of decision making, is people who use emotion as the barometer. There is lot of conviction that comes with these decisions as they are of the heart. But often times, this can be quite disastrous as they might turn a deaf ear to valid arguments of reason that could potentially avert disasters. After a while, folks around them learn how these people can be manipulated through their emotions.

There are many more styles of decision making, but their analysis is not the point of this blog. A lot of times, we see that we fluctuate between one style to another. At the top of the month, when the money is in the bank, the style is very different, from the end of the month when we are broke. It seems our entire worldview fluctuates with our bank balance. This is where I've found values make a difference. We need to have a set of values, that shape our world-view. These values should not be prisoner to our bank balance, but a more stable reflection of what we want out of life.

Let these values decide if we should live our dreams or make our dreams fit our life. Whatever, be the result, its our decision and we live with its consequences.

Social Networking Hiatus

2009-10-18T20:54:00.000-07:00

A cursory look at my recent Facebook activity, has convinced me that I need to prove to myself that I am just fine without FB. Its a wonderful medium to stay connected with friends and family, but I need to know that i'm not addicted to it. To ensure i don't transfer my interests elsewhere during this period, im off orkut and twitter as well.

Ram took 14 yrs vanvaas and then we had diwali...Me had diwali and 10 day vanvaas from social networking. Lets see how many days I last, coz mind u a] im not a mythical God and b] unlike Ram, i can end my vanvaas in 8 seconds! [thats how long it takes to get on FB mobile!]

Just in case ur wondering, this note wud appear on my FB profile, since its linked to my blog! Today is Day 1 and its gone just fine, so far! :)

The Intellectual Whore to the Punjabi Bride

2009-10-16T00:47:00.001-07:00

As a freelancing intellectual whore [IW] to a Punjabi friend, who is to get married shortly, I’ve been privy to the various crests and falls in the waves that is scientifically called, mood swings. The following are a few snippets of my observations, post censoring.

1. There is a spike in the number of tiffs between the couple and they could go for days without speaking to each other
2. The bride actually goes through the same feelings of loss of singledom as the groom, but is not ok if the groom expresses his sadness over the same. She feels her sacrifice is not being appreciated enough.
3. Bride would have a big fight with groom and then bitch to Intellectual Whore about losing her singledom, sometimes I suspect, using the very same words the groom has used.
4. Neither the groom nor the IW will have a clue, why she is picking fights. But that’s the Venetian trait, I guess.
5. Bride wants to watch any movie the groom identifies with during this period, just to ensure our boy doesn’t get any wrong ideas.
6. Bride has a proclivity towards increasing her alcohol consumption. This can be disastrous, if left unsupervised.
7. The biggest fear the bride has is, that her female relatives would call her fat in her wedding dress.
8. To tackle aforesaid fear, bride spends a tremendous amount of time and energy at the gym. Statutory Warning to the Groom – Watch Out for the Post-Marital Explosion!
9. No matter who you are, for your own safety, always deny that she has put on weight, when she starts her weight related crib sessions.
10. Bride would never admit it. But sub-consciously, she has been planning for this wedding her entire life. Ever since, she attended her first wedding as a little girl.
11. Bride likes the fact that the Groom would let her choose all his clothes for the wedding and its associated ceremonies. The odds of the Color of the Groom’s suit, being color-coded with the bride’s blouse and the pandal are extremely high.
12. If you want to appear to be the groom, who is contributing to the wedding arrangements, say Yes to everything she asks for. Watch for the trick question, when you’re supposed to say NO.
13. Always, let the bride pick the honeymoon spot. The groom will get what he wants. Let her choose where.
14. Weddings are an expensive affair and will leave you broke for a time, after the honeymoon.

Well for those of you who don’t know what is an IW, read this. And fortunately, for me, the wedding day would also signal the demise of my only IW relationship.

More Pics from Hampi Trip

2009-10-13T02:09:00.000-07:00

Nothing Says Roadtrip like this pic does.

And God Surd Said Go That Way...

True Love - A Man and His Machine

Baap ka sadak hai...soyenge ispe ... tera kya jata hai?

Mudgal fort and its moat - quite literally in the middle of nowhere

Thats an overflowing Krishna river, that has taken over the road and the bridge

The rocks that make Hampi

A building in the royal zenana

Tungabhadra Dam by Day

Tungabhadra Dam by Night

Austerity Drive Impacting the Masses

2009-10-12T09:12:00.001-07:00

One thing about Govt initiatives is that you read a lot about it in the papers and the News Network would smother you to death over it, but the reality would hit us months or years later, if it ever would.

However, the recent austerity drive announced by the Govt has been a noble exception. It has hit the aam aadmi even before he could say aam. Aam admi aka Mango Man, given my fondness for our national fruit, has been hit by this austerity drive so bad, that he has taken to his own austerity drive.

Saddled with the standard expenses of a salaried professional at this time of the year, ie Credit card bills, travel bills, tax savings etc, I have no option but to declare my own austerity drive. Damn it. My disposable income over this quarter would be less than the average autowallah. I have decided to subsist over a meagre 3k month over this quarter. This is my own little reality show - produced, directed and watched by me, starring me.

If its going to cost a fortune to keep me poor, my only supplication, is please do share that fortune with me! :-)

Yeh Dilli Hai Mere Yaar

2009-10-11T05:00:00.000-07:00

Something really disturbing happened to me on this trip to Delhi..nostalgia. For a self-proclaimed nomad like me that is the worst feeling to have. Its the first step into the descent into staying rooted somewhere.

A few days in this city and I experienced the myriad of lives you could possibly live here.

1. The Gurgaon Yuppie - Slog it off during the week and hit the malls on Friday evening with office folks for a beer or two.

2. Work it out around CP - Meet a friend for coffee or a movie in CP and then head home

3. Work for the Govt - stay in a palatial house in Lutyens Delhi, hang out at CP or Khan market and top it off with an ice-cream at India Gate

4. Live a miser's life in University campus @ JNU/DU and have the most fun in the world while doing it.

5. Work it off in the city and head home to Dwarka on the metro, while watching all of Delhi on your way to and fro.

Perhaps Delhi is a better place to visit rather than stay? My personal experience says otherwise because when you're tired of it, just drive off into the Mountains or the Dessert, its close enough... or if you have a death wish into Uttar Pradesh!! Its closer.

The Beer Chronicles

2009-10-05T08:19:00.000-07:00

This is the story of 3 bachelors in their late 20's and their tryst with 8 rounds of beer during a road trip.

Round 1 - Nothing

Round 2 - Burp!

Round 3 -
Krazy Kumar - "You idiots bought only 3?"
Me - "Guilty"
Krazy Kumar - "The point about beer is when you're done drinking, there should always be another 2 bottles around"
Me - "Guilty as charged, My Lord!"

Resupply

Round 4 - Boys stop on a bridge and pose for photographs and also take photos with the beer bottle and of it. Said Beer bottle is treated like a deity..

Round 5 - Boys stop on the middle of the highway and pose for photos - again, this time while sitting on the middle of the road

Round 6 -

"Maa"

Boys reminiscence about their mother and how they understand them the best. There was also almost a, "Mere paas maa hai" dialogue, almost..

Round 7 - 2 Boys talk about this awesome woman in their office, and her charms and her voice and her eyes and declare that if only she were not married with kids, she would have definitely been proposed to. Me say "Hmmmmmmmmmm...."

Round 8 - Boys congratulate each other on an awesome roadtrip!! :-))))

The Politics of Calamity

2009-10-04T19:52:00.001-07:00

I'm sure all of us have now been inundated with news of the unprecedented floods in AP and Karnataka.

Over the last weekend I had gone on a road trip with a couple of friends. We had traveled over 1187 kms through the so-called flood ravaged areas. No doubt there had been incessant and tremendous rainfall and the dams in the region were opened causing water logging in some areas. But we felt the reports carried in the media were grossly exaggerated. We saw only one IAF helicopter, no Govt vehicles or military vehicles carrying relief material, one camp for displaced people with 20 tents and nothing out of the ordinary really. But all along the way, incessant calls/sms from friends and relatives who were seeing the news, led us to believe we would be seeing some extraordinary tragedy. I've seen, first hand, the aftermath of the tsunami. There was no such displacement of people on view here. Not even a fraction of it.

Incessant media coverage, swamped with repeated imagery of flooded areas and damaged houses area creating a catastrophe bigger than what it really is. This seems like a ploy to get more relief money sanctioned by the powers to be. How much could you really muster of this tragedy by doing an aerial survey? As for the media, they seem to be more into selling their sound bytes, with visuals of people's misery edited and rerun to the tune of some sad Carnatic music [u need to watch the Vernacular channels for this innovation in news media].

In the end, the media gets their TRP and the politicians the relief money to swindle. In the midst of this sordid affair, I can only hope that the affected people, do get help in time to rebuild their lives.

A Road Trip to Nowhere

2009-10-04T09:52:00.000-07:00

"Dude if we spend the next weekend like this we are losers", I said to God Surd.

"If we don't get out of Hyderabad it would be bad man. Anywhere but here", he replied

These words were spoken last Sunday after watching "Quick Gun Murugun" by two employees of Hyderabad's burgeoning IT industry. It gives us a lot..money, job, security, work to keep us occupied, but it takes away our individuality. In a way that is what we reclaimed this first weekend of October, if only for 3 days.

As with all things unplanned, this trip had a beginning and an end with just sheer awesomeness in between! We decided to go to Hampi in Karnataka, a distance of about 400 kms from Hyd. To and Fro shud be around 800 kms. We did nearly 1200 kms!! :-))

1. The Ride

We set off in a Maruti Swift vxi Diesel. Mileage of 20 kpl on the trip [guessing] and a top speed of 170 kmph [not guessing]!!. Needless to say that is a killer combo and not once did I feel I was in a diesel car. The more dust and grime that piled on to the car, the cooler it looked. The proud owner of this machine and its lover Krazy Kumar, had the honor of being the lead driver and driving us through an Overflowing Krishna river [true story, more on it later]. Yours truly, was the designated backup driver who managed to get behind the wheel of this beauty one dark Friday night, if u know what I mean.

2. The Terrain

All the places and districts affected by the current flood situation! Our road trip took us through some places we had planned and a lot many more places, simply coz we got lost. Thanks to a road map, Google Maps and wanderlust, we ensured we were on track to our final destination - Hampi.

We had traveled through Mahbubnagar, Devakadra, Marikal and Makhtal. After Makhtal we encountered a huge traffic jam at about 4 pm. On further probing, we saw that the Krishna river had overflown the bridge we were supposed to cross. The first truck guy at the bridge told us that he had been stuck there since 3 in the morning. We decided to take a detour and run around the Krishna river. We drove up to to Utkur, Narayanpet and got lost in Shahpur. STATUTORY WARNING: There is a road there not shown in Google Maps. We got lost there. We managed to hit Shorapur and then again reached a surging Krishna river, a little past Tintani. This time we were told that the water would recede. After watching quite a few cars get stuck in the middle of the bridge and their occupants push the car out of 3ft deep water, we decided to make our move. First gear at full throttle, some clever clutch play, shrewd calculation and a lil' bit of crazy, is what it took Krazy Kumar to get us over the river. On retrospect, we were sure it was also the darkness that helped. If we had seen the entire river in daylight, we wouldn't have had the guts to cross the river.

By this time we were beginning to get tired of the drive. Night driving, in the monsoons with bad roads and onward traffic of trucks is not easy. I switched with Kumar for a while. I couldn't see it then, but I knew we were driving through some beautiful terrain. Could just make it out with the way road was curving beautifully and the rise and fall of the slopes. On the way back, we realised it was an awesome sight indeed. We wanted to reach Hospet, the closest town to Hampi. But, the night was just never ending and the road increasingly treacherous. I remember saying we rather sleep in the car, when I saw a signboard saying 95 kms to Hospet. Just then, we saw a motel. At that moment, we would have taken anything! The place was Ikkal. God Surd was already asleep in the backseat!

The onward journey next day to Hampi was horrible. It took us 3 hours to traverse 95 kms. The roads were in pathetic condition. The roads did not have any potholes though...they were ravines. And our poor little Swift surrounded by huge trucks, put up a spirited performance. He was like a puppy amongst lions! But as Krazy Kumar would say, "Sab Maaf Hai" for that was the awesomeness of the view of the Tungabadra Dam. It was in full flight, with all the sluice gates open, even the emergency gates. What a sight!! So amazing was the sight that it got God Surd to have a full go at capturing those visual moments, with KK's SLR.

3. Hampi, at last

Our trip in Hampi itself was good, but on a different level from the road trip. Hampi, itself was a city of about 47 sq.km. which was flattened by Adil Shah after the defeat of the Vijayanagar Empire's army to the Deccan Sultanates. Its quite an irony that we have intact constructions from the Mughal era which just followed the Vijayanagar empire. One can rant about the destruction of our cultural heritage but thats too old a skeleton to dig out. It was quite fascinating to go around this city on a beautiful monsoon evening and wonder how splendid it must have been when this city was at the peak of its glory on such an evening.

The constructions, or whatever of it which is left, gives an indicator of the life of the Hindu empire of the time. Its astonishing that they would have 2000 temples in that small a city. Come to think of it same holds true for mosques and muslim empires. No wonder, people say, religion is deeply woven into the fabric of Indian society - a precious inheritance and a curse. The architecture in some of the places did make us ponder on what life would have been like in those days. The sculptures make us question the folks who worship at these temples, yet spew venom in the name of Indian culture and ban women wearing jeans to college. "Please look at what you are worshiping!" Beyond the erotic architecture, one also give it to the artisans for their creativity, of being able to carve out 5 designs out of a single carving. The things one has to do to amuse the king!

There was a lot of Muslim influence in the architecture in some of the buildings with domes and arches. Apparently, that seemed to extend even into the way of life. The King apparently had a zenana [harem] which was guarded by a contingent of Eunuchs. I've also seen photos of Abyssinian women who were on the retainership of the Nizam of Hyderabad to guard his zenana.

4. Israeli Tourists and Tourism

Apparently, Hampi is another place in India which is flooded by Israelis tourists that restaurants also have an Israeli section in their menu. This is the second place I've seen such a concentration of ISraelis after Dharamkot near McLeodGanj. The food in and around Hampi is nothing to write home about. But the place in one, which you can get over with in 3 hours, like us or spend 3 full days also. There are motorcyles and cycles that you can hire for to enjoy a more relaxed but energy sapping day of looking around this dead city. Would highly recommend this trip during the monsoons. The place is just divine. You need open space to really watch the beauty of sheets of rain come down on the country side - the green hills, the multi-hued boulders and the brown earth. Just takes back to a whole different time.

5. Psychology, Relativity and Knock Out Beer

We decided to head back to our lodge in Ikkal for the night. We knew the road was bad, in fact the worst stretch we had encountered on the trip. But we wanted to do in anyways. These guys told about their experiences in a grueling experiential training camp and how they were wanting to taste that high again. Perhaps this was a way to do that.. I don't know. I was game though! And amazingly enough,none of our apprehensions materialized. The road was not as bad as we thought it would be. During night driving, you are able to see and focus only on the road ahead of you and not on the craters around you. It is a psychological thing. During the day, we were looking at the huge traffic jams and all the obstacles that everyone on the road was facing. It amplified our own difficulties on the road. But at night, the focus was only on our problems and our road ahead.

Or as the God Surd said, maybe the road was bad on the other side!

Having got to our hotel back on time, we hit the nearest dhabha to celebrate our trip and have a night snack. That turned into dinner and drinks. Drinks for the day was KNOCK OUT beer. Beer has always been an acquired taste for me, a labored one at that. But this was the first time, I genuinely enjoyed beer. It was a fab revelation! Like the icing on top of the cake, that was a great trip! More about Knock Out in the Beer Chronicles!

6. The Road Back

Usually the return journey in a road trip, is the low point of the trip. But in this one, we were just stretching awesome to its limit! In school I used to read about how big armies got slaughtered in retreat by their enemies, because they lost their way, and used to think how stupid they must be. Well, I can tell you one thing, the roads in the light of day and in the dark of the night can look totally different. Well, we got lost again!! :-) But such was our luck, that we stumbled onto a detour a really smooth detour and reached Mudgal quicker than expected. At Mudgal, we were surprised to see the Mudgal fort. We had no inkling such a structure could exist in a place like this when we passed it in the night. But lo and behold here was a fort, with a proper moat!! We went on further ahead, getting lost again at Gurumatkal. But the road and the view was so awesome that we ditched our plans to join NH7 at Mahbubnagar and pressed ahead, fueled by beer and mirchi bhajjis with double mirchi,

By this time, the beer had hit home, our destination much closer than what we had anticipated and our fun quotient unbelievable! By the time we hit NH7, Krazy Kumar decided to end this on a high and stretched the car to touch 175 kmph. That is something on a Swift. But it sums up the trip - fun, eccentric, on the edge but ultimately memorable! :-) Here's to many more! Cheers!!

Roman Polanski deserves to go to jail

2009-09-28T10:08:00.000-07:00

Period.

Some of the words spoken in his defense.

"surprising because Roman for the last 12, 15 years has lived in Switzerland, he has a home, he travels there, he works there".

"Switzerland let a guest walk into a nasty trap. We should be ashamed,"

"not only a grotesque farce of justice, but also an immense cultural scandal"

Huh? Having a home in Switzerland is no reason for a convicted rapist not to get arrested. Swiss treatment of guests is legendary. The world knows what they did with the Nazis. "Grotesque farce of justice" statement comes from the French Culture Minister. What f***ing culture?

These instances make the Europeans look real bad and kind of vindicate George Bush's intolerance of all things French.

Yes Roman Polanski has gone through some terrible things in life, losing his mother to a Nazi concentration camp and his wife and unborn child being brutally murdered. But that's not reason for a man to run away from the charges he has been accused of. These charges are grave indeed, and no passage of time nor Oscar statuettes would dissolve the depravity of child rape.

Dilbert and powerpoint presentations

2009-09-22T13:50:00.000-07:00

Milestones, or the lack of it..

2009-09-18T20:34:00.000-07:00

My last blog had elicited a lot of reactions over fb,sms and mail, most of which seem to affirm that I'm not the only one!! ... hallelujah.

I have been thinking over the past 2 days, what is it that I have got to show for my life, since I got out of college? I don't see how I have let my professional life affect my personal life, not in a positive way anyway!

To be fair, I have some awesome memories of the stuff done in the last two years. But what I was wondering these past two days, was what do I have to show for it? My own assessment is that i live a very minimalistic existence. (I can shift out of my current abode in 1 hr flat). The problem is there are no milestones to show for the life i have lived. But then, such is the existence of a nomad isn't it? There are no monuments to celebrate the path he has tread.

Unless you build a pyramid or a Taj Mahal, nobody will give a shit about you, 400 yrs from now. So why bother? :-)

PS: With this post, 2009 is my most prolific blogging year. Thats one milestone! Thank you, employer for transferring me to Hyderabad!

Confessions of a Procrastinator

2009-09-12T19:33:00.000-07:00

I'm a serial procrastinator, of the worst kind.

Its easy to rationalize it, by saying who isn't and move on with life. But that is what I have been doing. This moment of candor would be brief and it too would pass. I have two options here, do some of the things I'm procrastinating or blog about it. I choose the latter. There needs to be a record of this, so i shame myself into action in the future, hopefully.
Here are the list of things I've been putting off -

1. Fixing the fans in my house. First one fan conked off in my bedroom, 5 months back. I moved to the other bedroom, rather than get the fan fixed. Now this fan started making funny noises 4 weeks back , but I didn't do anything about it. And 1 hour back this too conked off. Now this is my status - 1 Apartment no Fan.

2. I was supposed to get an air-conditioner remember? And I was supposed to call him Chunni...Not done, the fun purchase nor the baptism.

3. I was supposed to get furniture too. Forget furniture, haven't even got a chair yet.

4. I was supposed to get a gas connection and do some cooking myself. No movement there either.

5. I was supposed to replace my mobile phone. Research into a worthy replacement, is the excuse for this delay.

6. I also dream of having a car. The closest I've gotten is pick up an edition of Auto India at the departmental store. I'm yet to even do a test drive of a car. I rationalize that by saying that I don't need a car, which is true.

7. I haven't framed a poster, which I got made 4 months back.

8. I haven't watched Maqbool.

I'm hopeless.

Peace be with you

2009-09-04T01:45:00.000-07:00

When I saw these scenes I deeply felt the meaning of the words - optimism, peace, happiness, beauty and success. I wonder if such views affect others too.

Field Report on Chennai Trip

2009-08-29T21:14:00.000-07:00

1. The city has changed quite a bit. There are more flyovers, better looking roundabouts with random statues, Hyundai Accent cop patrol cars,(i know its been a while, but im yet to get used to it), much better bus services than most cities in india and yet the traffic situation has only worsened!!

2. The airport still sucks.

3. Glad to report that I've improved on my negotiating skills. I've been training on this and having live coaching sessions with Chennai auto drivers. I believe the trick is to have a thick skin and give it to them as good as u get it. [never let them know where u exactly live, always stop 2-3 houses away]

4. The weather is as muggy as ever.

5. They have a new joke at the Satyam cineplex. Its a running gag played on all visitors. They call it their security screening.

6. Saw Kaminey and Hangover at Satyam, both were very good movies. I missed watching Quick Gun Murugan in Chennai.. :-(

7. Mother and Sister have been indulging in dirty butter chicken politics at home. Mom cooks biryani and sis cooks butter chicken and I'm the judge as to which was better. Lot of insinuations and insidious planting of false information happening to sway my decision. Im thinking I should declare a mistrial and asked them to start over :-))

8. Saw the biggest black boxer running on the main road off Chintamani in Anna Nagar. Mad cap canine narrowly missed an accident, and was terrified so bad that he sprinted away in the other direction to cause another accident there!

9. My search for a new viable mobile device, has not broken any new boundaries, with each phone having its own distinct disadvantages. Guess its time to go back to the old routine of choose one and hope its the ONE!

Happy Independence Day

2009-08-16T00:45:00.001-07:00

62nd anniversary of our independence and then the sacrifices that my countrymen have made to ensure that we continue to be free. Its the triumph of an idea! India is just that, an idea - "An idea whose time has come" [to quote Dr.M, PM]. In this country, I've been to places, beautiful places, met people, wonderful people, have had experiences, exhilarating experiences and have been afforded opportunities, exhilarating opportunities, all because of the fact that I am an Indian.

We are a country that is huge and could have easily been divided into 30 or more separate countries, just on the basis of language, caste or religion alone. Every day there are opportunistic people who would like to break it up on just these lines, just to seize their pound of flesh. The State has to be preserved and protected against such forces.

If these forces had succeeded, my life would have been totally different. I would have been an illegal alien in the city where I was born. I would have been educated in foreign languages. Would have required a visa to complete my higher education. Would have needed a work permit to do the job i currently do. Would have been in love with foreigners. Would have had to surrender my passport at the concierge of the guest house i currently am put up in. I'm not even going to broach the discrimination and daily indignities I would have to put up with during my daily life. Not that its not there today, but it could have been much more vulgar and exacerbated.

I'm grateful for the freedoms that I have. I recollect staring at the road in Hyd a few days back and wondering, how would I feel if we had a few white men coming down on horses and if I had to move to the side of the road in obeisance. I shuddered with indignation. It was just a moment. But I thought, we rather have our burra sahibs than them gora sahibs.

I am grateful for the freedoms I have. But I wonder if all our countrymen have the same freedoms. I wonder what this lady in the clip thinks of our independence. Does she feel free? - Jai Hind.

I Love Bangalore

2009-08-15T05:41:00.000-07:00

I have not traveled as much in my life as I would have liked to. But from this limited exposure, I've always found Bangalore to be the most humorous city. No other city has tickled my funnybone as much as this city of "Gardens". Bangalore's funniness is indeed Oscar-class. The main reason I say that is because, its a city that is funny without even trying to be funny.

This is a city which has been built on the free market reforms of the 1990's. No other city in India has seen so much change or seen as much wealth pour in as has Bangalore due to the opening up of the Indian economy. So one would expect that they would be open to innovation and competition right? Wrong.
These gentlemen would rather imitate the struthio camelus than see the world change around them. Now where is the humor in this, you might ask.

The biggest superstar/megastar of this city, ladies and gentlemen, is Puneet Rajkumar. And this is a still from his latest movie, posters of which are splashed all over Bangalore. This is what gets me all cracked up en route to office. He bears a very uncanny resemblance to Jack Sparrow no? sorry Captain Jack Sparrow. Now you know why them firangs are assaulting Indians in Australia and strip searching them in the American airports. No Shahrukh, it wasn't because your name was Khan. They thought you were this dude!!

And now for the real screamer - the Kannada movie industry is called Sandalwood! Hollywood, Bollywood, Kollywood, Lollywood and now Sandalwood :-))

I would also love to tell you about how in the city of Vijay Mallya, the local Hard Rock Cafe closes earliest amongst all its 140 sister franchisees around the world, allegedly. But that ain't comedy. Its the tragedy of Bangalore [along with it new name]

Last Words - The Beatles

2009-08-09T06:20:00.000-07:00

"I thank you on behalf of all the group and hope we passed the audition" - John Lennon

Last words spoken by the Beatles after their last concert together.

Bangalored

2009-08-01T08:49:00.000-07:00

For good or bad, whether I like it or not, my professional life revolves a lot around Bangalore. The company that I currently work for is headquartered here. Consequently, I get summoned at short notice here. I have previously blogged about this. But there are added dimensions to this - like the bus journey. A very uncomfortable 12 hr bus journey, that just about took me to the brink of spinal injury. And once I land in Bangalore, haggling with the auto guys, while balancing a full bladder!! I always rated the auto-drivers in Chennai as the scum of the earth. Their Bengaluru counterparts are fast catching up!

Then once into the auto, I face the bloody Blore weather - mild enough to make me feel cold but not cold enough for a jacket [yes delhi winters have changed my thick skin]. With all this trying to get to the company guest house is another challenge, its like a treasure hunt, if im not booked into our well known office campuses. I try to get ready in a jiffy and invariably reach office 30 mins late [traffic]. This follows dirty looks from colleagues, which invariably includes bosses. Then start the review and the questions - stuff which are in my KRA's but somehow I seem to end up doing all but that work. Then comes the dreaded hour, lunch time. Lousy canteens they have in our Blore offices, except for one. I make up excuses to avoid lunch, from too much work to im on a diet. [All plausible excuses but somehow ppl never believe me!].

Then siesta time, try to do some work, at the same time trying to fix a cab to take me back to the bus station! No matter how hard i have tried, i have mostly failed in this. Bangalore has lousy EasyCab / Meeru taxi service. On the odd occasion like this time, when i need to extend my stay, i end up holed up in the guest house over the weekend. With all my friends ditching me, due to their own busy schedules, I end up saddled with ppts, xl sheets and Ndtv going on and on about rakhi sawant's swayamvar.
[Guess rationality skips men too on a mass scale, sometimes].

Well all ye Americans, this is what happens to the people to whom some of your jobs go to. And ya, i suspect my salary cud be less than your unemployment benefits... So stop bitching about us..and let us bitch about ourselves.

The Legality of Homosexuality

2009-07-18T07:56:00.000-07:00

Most of America is riled up by this and most of India is indifferent to it! And apparently the Govt of India is very confused by it!

So what do I think about it?

1. Do you approve of homosexuality? - Its not for me to approve. Its an individual choice of human beings.

2. If today you were to have a family, what would my reaction be if my son declares he is gay? - I would be very baffled but have no choice but to accept it. But would be even more worried as to how he would charter his life going forward. I'm not sure how prejudiced society is about this and how it would affect him.

3. Do you think gays are weirdos? - No. They are normal people. Have a sexual preference I do not agree with. There was a time when I did think they were weirdos. But I did get to know a gay person, during my hostel days. His conduct and attitude changed my world-view towards gay people and,I suspect, also those of a lot of friends of mine.

4. Do you think homosexuality should be decriminalised? - I dunno.

5. Why not? You seemed to have a pretty liberal viewpoint in Q's 1-3? - Bottomline is if homosexuality is made legal, it would open up the avenue of a gay dude hitting on me. That really does creep me out. And worst part is that legally it would be ok for him to do that. The very thought gives me the creeps. So while I'm ok homosexuality being legal I want no part to play in it.

6. Duh, you realise how lousy that statement was? - Yeah. But welcome to the real world. If the majority, has the power over someone's fate, it would exercise it in its favour, no matter how minuscule the logic or flimsy the argument. Why do you think racism has lasted so long?

7. But history would judge you as a bigot. You're ok with that? - Who do you think writes history?

8. Dude we are getting sidetracked. There has to be a way out. You clearly are not a homophobe, yet you are unwittingly aligning yourself to them. What's the compromise?
- Hmmm, well if all gay people promise not to hit on straight people, then homosexuality can be legalised.

9. What??! - Yes they should give God Promise.

Steve Jobs and Inspirational Speeches

2009-07-15T10:16:00.000-07:00

This is a speech given by Steve Jobs that has been doing the rounds and has passed me by for 4 years, before enlightening me today. I read it at the busiest part of my day, and was deeply moved by this speech. It meant a lot to me and in some ways liberated me, if only for a day.

'You've got to find what you love,' Jobs says
This is the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005.
I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.
The first story is about connecting the dots.
I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?
It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.
And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.
It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:
Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.
None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.
Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.
My second story is about love and loss.
I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.
I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.
I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.
During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.
I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.
My third story is about death.
When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.
Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.
About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.
I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.
This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:
No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.
Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.
Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.
Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.
Thank you all very much.

The Fringe Benefits of Failure, and the Importance of Imagination
June 5, 2008

J.K. Rowling, author of the best-selling Harry Potter book series, delivers her Commencement Address, “The Fringe Benefits of Failure, and the Importance of Imagination,” at the Annual Meeting of the Harvard Alumni Association.
President Faust, members of the Harvard Corporation and the Board of Overseers, members of the faculty, proud parents, and, above all, graduates.
The first thing I would like to say is ‘thank you.’ Not only has Harvard given me an extraordinary honour, but the weeks of fear and nausea I have endured at the thought of giving this commencement address have made me lose weight. A win-win situation! Now all I have to do is take deep breaths, squint at the red banners and convince myself that I am at the world’s largest Gryffindor reunion.
Delivering a commencement address is a great responsibility; or so I thought until I cast my mind back to my own graduation. The commencement speaker that day was the distinguished British philosopher Baroness Mary Warnock. Reflecting on her speech has helped me enormously in writing this one, because it turns out that I can’t remember a single word she said. This liberating discovery enables me to proceed without any fear that I might inadvertently influence you to abandon promising careers in business, the law or politics for the giddy delights of becoming a gay wizard.
You see? If all you remember in years to come is the ‘gay wizard’ joke, I’ve come out ahead of Baroness Mary Warnock. Achievable goals: the first step to self improvement.
Actually, I have wracked my mind and heart for what I ought to say to you today. I have asked myself what I wish I had known at my own graduation, and what important lessons I have learned in the 21 years that have expired between that day and this.
I have come up with two answers. On this wonderful day when we are gathered together to celebrate your academic success, I have decided to talk to you about the benefits of failure. And as you stand on the threshold of what is sometimes called ‘real life’, I want to extol the crucial importance of imagination.
These may seem quixotic or paradoxical choices, but please bear with me.
Looking back at the 21-year-old that I was at graduation, is a slightly uncomfortable experience for the 42-year-old that she has become. Half my lifetime ago, I was striking an uneasy balance between the ambition I had for myself, and what those closest to me expected of me.
I was convinced that the only thing I wanted to do, ever, was to write novels. However, my parents, both of whom came from impoverished backgrounds and neither of whom had been to college, took the view that my overactive imagination was an amusing personal quirk that would never pay a mortgage, or secure a pension. I know that the irony strikes with the force of a cartoon anvil, now.
So they hoped that I would take a vocational degree; I wanted to study English Literature. A compromise was reached that in retrospect satisfied nobody, and I went up to study Modern Languages. Hardly had my parents’ car rounded the corner at the end of the road than I ditched German and scuttled off down the Classics corridor.
I cannot remember telling my parents that I was studying Classics; they might well have found out for the first time on graduation day. Of all the subjects on this planet, I think they would have been hard put to name one less useful than Greek mythology when it came to securing the keys to an executive bathroom.
I would like to make it clear, in parenthesis, that I do not blame my parents for their point of view. There is an expiry date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you. What is more, I cannot criticise my parents for hoping that I would never experience poverty. They had been poor themselves, and I have since been poor, and I quite agree with them that it is not an ennobling experience. Poverty entails fear, and stress, and sometimes depression; it means a thousand petty humiliations and hardships. Climbing out of poverty by your own efforts, that is indeed something on which to pride yourself, but poverty itself is romanticised only by fools.
What I feared most for myself at your age was not poverty, but failure.
At your age, in spite of a distinct lack of motivation at university, where I had spent far too long in the coffee bar writing stories, and far too little time at lectures, I had a knack for passing examinations, and that, for years, had been the measure of success in my life and that of my peers.
I am not dull enough to suppose that because you are young, gifted and well-educated, you have never known hardship or heartbreak. Talent and intelligence never yet inoculated anyone against the caprice of the Fates, and I do not for a moment suppose that everyone here has enjoyed an existence of unruffled privilege and contentment.
However, the fact that you are graduating from Harvard suggests that you are not very well-acquainted with failure. You might be driven by a fear of failure quite as much as a desire for success. Indeed, your conception of failure might not be too far from the average person’s idea of success, so high have you already flown.
Ultimately, we all have to decide for ourselves what constitutes failure, but the world is quite eager to give you a set of criteria if you let it. So I think it fair to say that by any conventional measure, a mere seven years after my graduation day, I had failed on an epic scale. An exceptionally short-lived marriage had imploded, and I was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless. The fears that my parents had had for me, and that I had had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew.
Now, I am not going to stand here and tell you that failure is fun. That period of my life was a dark one, and I had no idea that there was going to be what the press has since represented as a kind of fairy tale resolution. I had no idea then how far the tunnel extended, and for a long time, any light at the end of it was a hope rather than a reality.
So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realised, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.
You might never fail on the scale I did, but some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.
Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attained by passing examinations. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way. I discovered that I had a strong will, and more discipline than I had suspected; I also found out that I had friends whose value was truly above the price of rubies.
The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that it is painfully won, and it has been worth more than any qualification I ever earned.
So given a Time Turner, I would tell my 21-year-old self that personal happiness lies in knowing that life is not a check-list of acquisition or achievement. Your qualifications, your CV, are not your life, though you will meet many people of my age and older who confuse the two. Life is difficult, and complicated, and beyond anyone’s total control, and the humility to know that will enable you to survive its vicissitudes.
Now you might think that I chose my second theme, the importance of imagination, because of the part it played in rebuilding my life, but that is not wholly so. Though I personally will defend the value of bedtime stories to my last gasp, I have learned to value imagination in a much broader sense. Imagination is not only the uniquely human capacity to envision that which is not, and therefore the fount of all invention and innovation. In its arguably most transformative and revelatory capacity, it is the power that enables us to empathise with humans whose experiences we have never shared.
One of the greatest formative experiences of my life preceded Harry Potter, though it informed much of what I subsequently wrote in those books. This revelation came in the form of one of my earliest day jobs. Though I was sloping off to write stories during my lunch hours, I paid the rent in my early 20s by working at the African research department at Amnesty International’s headquarters in London.
There in my little office I read hastily scribbled letters smuggled out of totalitarian regimes by men and women who were risking imprisonment to inform the outside world of what was happening to them. I saw photographs of those who had disappeared without trace, sent to Amnesty by their desperate families and friends. I read the testimony of torture victims and saw pictures of their injuries. I opened handwritten, eye-witness accounts of summary trials and executions, of kidnappings and rapes.
Many of my co-workers were ex-political prisoners, people who had been displaced from their homes, or fled into exile, because they had the temerity to speak against their governments. Visitors to our offices included those who had come to give information, or to try and find out what had happened to those they had left behind.
I shall never forget the African torture victim, a young man no older than I was at the time, who had become mentally ill after all he had endured in his homeland. He trembled uncontrollably as he spoke into a video camera about the brutality inflicted upon him. He was a foot taller than I was, and seemed as fragile as a child. I was given the job of escorting him back to the Underground Station afterwards, and this man whose life had been shattered by cruelty took my hand with exquisite courtesy, and wished me future happiness.
And as long as I live I shall remember walking along an empty corridor and suddenly hearing, from behind a closed door, a scream of pain and horror such as I have never heard since. The door opened, and the researcher poked out her head and told me to run and make a hot drink for the young man sitting with her. She had just had to give him the news that in retaliation for his own outspokenness against his country’s regime, his mother had been seized and executed.
Every day of my working week in my early 20s I was reminded how incredibly fortunate I was, to live in a country with a democratically elected government, where legal representation and a public trial were the rights of everyone.
Every day, I saw more evidence about the evils humankind will inflict on their fellow humans, to gain or maintain power. I began to have nightmares, literal nightmares, about some of the things I saw, heard, and read.
And yet I also learned more about human goodness at Amnesty International than I had ever known before.
Amnesty mobilises thousands of people who have never been tortured or imprisoned for their beliefs to act on behalf of those who have. The power of human empathy, leading to collective action, saves lives, and frees prisoners. Ordinary people, whose personal well-being and security are assured, join together in huge numbers to save people they do not know, and will never meet. My small participation in that process was one of the most humbling and inspiring experiences of my life.
Unlike any other creature on this planet, humans can learn and understand, without having experienced. They can think themselves into other people’s places.
Of course, this is a power, like my brand of fictional magic, that is morally neutral. One might use such an ability to manipulate, or control, just as much as to understand or sympathise.
And many prefer not to exercise their imaginations at all. They choose to remain comfortably within the bounds of their own experience, never troubling to wonder how it would feel to have been born other than they are. They can refuse to hear screams or to peer inside cages; they can close their minds and hearts to any suffering that does not touch them personally; they can refuse to know.
I might be tempted to envy people who can live that way, except that I do not think they have any fewer nightmares than I do. Choosing to live in narrow spaces leads to a form of mental agoraphobia, and that brings its own terrors. I think the wilfully unimaginative see more monsters. They are often more afraid.
What is more, those who choose not to empathise enable real monsters. For without ever committing an act of outright evil ourselves, we collude with it, through our own apathy.
One of the many things I learned at the end of that Classics corridor down which I ventured at the age of 18, in search of something I could not then define, was this, written by the Greek author Plutarch: What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.
That is an astonishing statement and yet proven a thousand times every day of our lives. It expresses, in part, our inescapable connection with the outside world, the fact that we touch other people’s lives simply by existing.
But how much more are you, Harvard graduates of 2008, likely to touch other people’s lives? Your intelligence, your capacity for hard work, the education you have earned and received, give you unique status, and unique responsibilities. Even your nationality sets you apart. The great majority of you belong to the world’s only remaining superpower. The way you vote, the way you live, the way you protest, the pressure you bring to bear on your government, has an impact way beyond your borders. That is your privilege, and your burden.
If you choose to use your status and influence to raise your voice on behalf of those who have no voice; if you choose to identify not only with the powerful, but with the powerless; if you retain the ability to imagine yourself into the lives of those who do not have your advantages, then it will not only be your proud families who celebrate your existence, but thousands and millions of people whose reality you have helped change. We do not need magic to change the world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already: we have the power to imagine better.
I am nearly finished. I have one last hope for you, which is something that I already had at 21. The friends with whom I sat on graduation day have been my friends for life. They are my children’s godparents, the people to whom I’ve been able to turn in times of trouble, people who have been kind enough not to sue me when I took their names for Death Eaters. At our graduation we were bound by enormous affection, by our shared experience of a time that could never come again, and, of course, by the knowledge that we held certain photographic evidence that would be exceptionally valuable if any of us ran for Prime Minister.
So today, I wish you nothing better than similar friendships. And tomorrow, I hope that even if you remember not a single word of mine, you remember those of Seneca, another of those old Romans I met when I fled down the Classics corridor, in retreat from career ladders, in search of ancient wisdom:
As is a tale, so is life: not how long it is, but how good it is, is what matters.
I wish you all very good lives.
Thank you very much.

My First Dilbert Strip Blogged

2009-07-04T04:15:00.000-07:00

Not my personal opinion of sales folks, but pretty close.

Dilbert and My Mind

2009-06-30T19:13:00.000-07:00

If my blog is titled, "Enter My Mind", then you should know that Dilbert is never far from it, as I explore the quirks of corporate life. Never does a day pass, without me reflecting on ironies of some random situation at work and how would a Dilbert strip look on the same. So now, have added a Dilbert Widget to the right panel of the blog. So u can read either my random posts or the more funnier Dilbert strips on my blog! [*sigh* the things we do to increase blog traffic!!]

Messers Ahuja and Dhoni

2009-06-17T08:09:00.000-07:00

The past few days have seen the entire country's news media frothing about the exploits [or the lack of it] of these two gentlemen. But surprisingly, Dhoni is being held guilty for lack of exploits.

I will deal with the exploits of Mr. Ahuja first. Rape. Mid-level Bollywood actor, married to a woman he has known and loved for 15 yrs and who has an infant daughter with her, accused of raping an 17/18 yr old maid, who has been in his employment for 45 days. He allegedly found a time window between 3 to 5 pm on that unfortunate day to commit this dastardly act. Story said this way, Mrs Ahuja is right, it smacks of a frame-up. Only one small minor flaw i see in this theory, what has Mr. Ahuja done in his life to make him important enough for a frame-up? Salman, Shahrukh, Aamir framed - i can understand...Mr. Ahuja? Maybe Emraan Hashmi too could be worthy candidate...but Mr. Ahuja?? I honestly don't know. The case could be true for the only reason that it sounds unlikely. Anyways time will tell.

This entire drama reminded me of some psychological theory which i learnt in college, the name of which i am not able to recollect. It basically says that if a person is genetically/ psychologically programmed to be a struggler, that is the area he is most comfortable in life. So even if he does become successful, he wud somehow screw up, to ensure he goes back to that struggling phase, where he has been most comfortable. Same goes for winners and losers. Our Mr. Ahuja goes into the struggler category i guess, if the story we hear is true.

Now for Mr. Dhoni. I'm much more at ease with this case. The last 9 years of Indian cricket has seen a metamorphisis never seen in the history of the game in our country. For almost the entire 20th century our collective cricket community, was busy incubating a Jurassic park-era egg, save for a brief period during 1983. The change which Sourav Ganguly brought, has been ably taken forward by Dhoni. Dravid and Kumble ensured that the flame didn't ebb away. Ganguly, for all his foibles, did resurrect Indian cricket from the ashes of the match-fixing scandal. And Dhoni, instilled in our Men in Blue a swagger that only winners possessed. Maybe the below lines explain his current predicament

The following is a quote from the movie, Patton.

For over a thousand years...Roman conquerors returning from the wars...enjoyed the honor of a triumph,a tumultuous parade. In the procession came trumpeters and musicians and strange animals... ...from the conquered territories...together with carts laden with treasure and captured armaments. The conqueror rode in a triumphal chariot...the dazed prisoners walking in chains before him. Sometimes, his children,robed in white...stood with him in the chariot,or rode the trace horses. A slave stood behind the conqueror...holding a golden crown...and whispering in his ear, a warning... that all glory...is fleeting.

Hubris, however, spares none. Not even the greatest of them. A dear friend of mine, once counselled me "Keep Your Eyes on the Prize". That is an advice, i hold as a guiding light in great times and bad. Perhaps, Messers. Dhoni and Ahuja should too.

Now what shall we talk about?

2009-06-07T07:47:00.000-07:00

Nothing like a swig of rum and coke to get the bloggy juices flowing! So what shall we talk about?

Well firstly apologies to my friends Yason and Bun. We saw a movie together a few months back, "Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi". I thought it was an average SRK + Yash Raj Bollywood formula movie, designed to appeal to not so good looking men with hot women. But my friends thought, and I quote one of them, "This movie has made me believe in love". Now while I still stand by my opinion, apparently this movie has had such an impact worldwide, that even the Chinese have taken to it. This dude has used it as his audition song for "Chinese Idol"!

If Susan Boyle had chosen this song, probably she would've won Britain's Got Talent. Is it the magic of Bollywood or has the world really dumbed down to such depths? I do not have the pedigree to form a judgment on that one. However, as 2 MBA's, Yason and Bun have got the pulse of the next biggest superpower and largest market in the world. This would hold them in good stead if they get their asses transferred to Guangdong from Gurgaon. Cheers boys! You are Winners!

Now that I had mentioned Susan Boyle, I better document this 2 month phenomenon. Susan Boyle made me believe in reality TV. I have been a skeptic and have not watched even one of them, except probably The Great Indian Laughter Challenge [if u can call that reality tv]. Believe it or not, Ive not watched even 1 minute of MTV Roadies. I have been following Britain's Got Talent on the Internet ever since I saw the video of the Dancing Sardar. For sheer entertainment alone you just have to doff your hats to this duo.

Not to mention the hardwork, creativity and talent that goes with it.

The monsoons have hit Hyderabad today. I had posted a facebook status message to that affect and have got a lot of messages from folks saying congratulations and oh wow etc etc. I do appreciate the drop in temperature but I'm thinking, "Damn flooded roads, need to polish my shoes everyday, mud on the shins, need to protect the laptop from getting wet." etc etc. Is it just me being unromantic or is this how all men really think?

Oh did I also tell you that Ive been a lazy bum around the house and have not gotten around to getting any of the stuff I planned for in my previous blogs and continue to live with bare necessities like a bed and a wifi connection? Yeah, that's me. I love my life! Coz there ain't no one to nag me about it!

Today Is Ours

2009-06-01T10:48:00.000-07:00

Well, last week, the entire top 3 layers of management of the company i work for, were ensconed in a campus called EC4 in a faraway city. I know EC4 sounds as sinister as Area 51, but those few days of freedom from our bosses were a joyous occasion for a lot of my peers. This poem below composed by yours truly is a tribute to that joy.

Today Is Ours

Today is the day when we conquer
When we are going to ACHIEVE,
What we have set our minds to.
Nothing can hinder nor distract us,
We are lions, we are tigers today.
Boldly setting out to achieve our plan
We shall lead our batallions to success today
Today It is our plan, our fight and our destiny
Today everything in our calendar we will achieve
And fulfill the dreams our teams have strived for
'Coz today all our bosses are locked up in EC4!

Some things only accountants can do!

2009-05-30T07:34:00.000-07:00

Like how to insult Shahjahan, like even Aurangzeb himself couldn't!

Check this out

While the sheer eccentricity of it is obvious, I'm just curious about the reason for such a valuation. Is it depreciation? So it takes about 350 yrs for probably what is the world's most expensive tomb to depreciate to Re.1/- .. Damn depreciation doesn't spare anyone does it? Its like a debilitating virus.

And since I'm not an accounting expert [actually I would peg myself lower than an accounting novice], I do have other queries as well. I have done my fair share of travel across India, and have always seen that the Govt of India, through its various branches, owns the bulk of the high value real estate across all of India's cities. Does it mean that we value all of these at Re.1/- In that case, is the Govt of India undervaluing its own assets?

Elections Are Done

2009-05-23T03:08:00.001-07:00

The people of India have spoken and they have shown the world, Democracy Rocks. High Five to all those with the indelible ink on your middle/index fingers!

But some people you can't keep out. They may be out of touch with reality, but with their excellent flair for words, fancy degrees and penchant for covering their asses, they still ply their trade as though nothing happened. No I'm not talking about the MBA's responsible for the recession...I'm talking about the GREAT INDIAN MEDIA

Not one, repeat not one, of this elite, shameless tribe got their prediction right on who would garner how many seats. Thank God the Election Commission cut down those opinion/exit polls. Imagine, the waste of investor money in the hands of these imbeciles in recessionary times. I'm not going to single out any single media person/outlet, as they have all proven to be equally incompetent. Now that we are done with the pre-election incompetency, let's get to the post election, "covering their ass" bit.

Today you have them propounding numerous theories as to why the Congress did so well - Rahul Gandhi, Dr. Manmohan Singh, NREGA etc etc

a] Rahul Gandhi - Ain't these the same tribe who were panning his naivete in trying to send out feelers to Nitish Kumar, Jayalalithaa and the Left. Goes to show, Rahul himself wasn't sure they wud do well but atleast he was game enough to try.

b] Dr. Manmohan Singh - Apparently the press believes that the people of India have learnt to respect his honesty and sincerity and have re-elected him. Errr, it thats so why didn't they know of it before the elections. If somone is so wildly popular amongst the masses, the press should know, right?

c] NREGA - National Rural Employment Guarantee Act. Its the pro-poor scheme that has set the Indian countryside on fire, or so it would seem if u read the papers today. Interestingly the Congress party itself didn't think it was any great shakes. They mentioned it only 3 times in their manifesto on the 8th page. If hindsight is 20:20, for our media, it is laser vision!

The Indian General Elections have not only given the Congress a mandate, apparently it was a mandate beyond our shores as well. The Sri Lankan Army took it as a mandate to go ahead and shoot Prabhakaran. Yep..we care more for our free color TV's and one rupee rice, Eelam can go to hell. More on this later..

One of the biggest losers of these elections are the terrorists. Terrorism, by its very concept, is the art of influencing governments with high profile attacks that strike fear into the hearts of the people. When the people, themselves, don't care then of what use is terrorism? People of India, it seems, care for the Govt doing an earnest job or appear to do an earnest job of it. [Congress shud thank Chidambaram for this, flying shoe notwithstanding]. People care more for what the Government does that affects their daily lives. If terror were, to shake this country, it has to be much more widespread. In a country of India's size, that means all out war.

The elections also saw the Left lose a substantial part of their clout. They got whacked by Didi in Bengal and were united in commiting political suicide in Kerala. Post the elections, the Left politburo had a meeting and discovered there is still a place where they have 100% acceptability and had swept the elections. They decided to emigrate en masse to this promised land and applied to the Soviet Union for travel facilitation. The Russian embassy sent a "Sorry we do not exist anymore note" along with a Judo video of Vladimir Putin. Then they applied to the Chinese, who don't respond to losers. Then they tried their luck with Comrade Castro, who sent them a book from Hugo Chavez. By then, the kebabwala at Gol Market informed them that their promised land is in Indian territory and does not require a Visa. So off they went, led by Mr and Mrs Karat, who rival the Obamas as the most handsome first couple, to their promised land where they won 2 out of 2 LS seats - Tripura.

The Glass is Always Full

2009-05-07T18:58:00.001-07:00

Is this glass half full or half empty?

Its the favourite cliche amongst Management Practitioners, who are imaginative enough to earn a living out of describing half a glass of water! I've never been convinced by their optimism or pessimism theories and division of people's personalities on the basis of that. But what did I think? Is it half full or half empty.

The answer dawned on me yesterday. The glass is ALWAYS FULL. Half of it is water and the other half is opportunity. Its my choice what i fill it with, more water, vodka, rum, poison, just fruit punch or just plain emptiness.

Life might be a crowded playground, but just go play.

The Argumentative Indian Siblings

2009-05-03T08:42:00.000-07:00

The One : Miss India

The Precious One : And then she wud get into bollywood and become another face in the crowd. If only for once these ppl wud do actual social service/ public service

The One : ur such a pessimist...

The Precious One : Am just goin by what s been happening all these yrs!

The One : beautiful women are not meant for real social work. Its against nature. Name one example to the contrary..

The Precious One : What shit! Chauvinist!!

The One : Dont curse, if u dont have an answer to my point. ur admitting ur own defeat

The Precious One : What kind of a ridiculous notion is that beautiful women are not meant for social work.

The One : darling. counter the point. else zip it. I'm only going by emperical evidence, for generations

The Precious One : What nonsense. Arundhati Roy is socially active. She is pretty. And seriously ur just a chauvinist. Nothing can mask that!

The One : Ahem...go through the mail trail..
u say, "Am just goin by what s been happening all these yrs!"
And i responded
"im only going by emperical evidence, for generations"
pretty much the same response, but i am the chauvinist? look in the mirror...

Arundhati Roy is socially active to sell her books. I dont see her doing any active social/political service

The Precious One : can c ur very jobless

The One : u are speechless so dont make me jobless

The Precious One : Ya right! Ur highly jobless. Ur argument is pointless

The One : ur hopeless...just admit u loss the argument

The Precious One : hopes

Recession, No Fly Zone Aur Meri Gharibi

2009-04-26T08:42:00.000-07:00

I was sitting in a day-long meeting today. You know how Saturday meetings are..they start off interesting but then as the day wears on, your mind revolts and refuses to pay attention.Constantly tugging at your freedom genes and taunting you for sitting through office on a Saturday. Suddenly, I thought I heard the words No Fly Zone. Lost as I was in my own sweet world, it took me 10-15 seconds to re-orient myself. Did I really hear those words? Was I sitting through some National Security Briefing somewhere?

I wanted to ask what was this No Fly Zone. I was looking around hoping someone else would. Sometimes, being a respected manager is about letting someone else ask the dumb question. Bingo! Sales guy, couldn't contain his curiosity and asks the question.

So apparently, this is what it is. Previously our company had a policy of giving us air travel for distances that wud involve train travel of 12 hours or more. Then some hack did an analysis, and decided that if we increase that to 14 hours, then we would save a lot more money. And presto, Hyderabad has become a No-Fly Zone. Earlier we used to fly to Chennai/Bangalore or Mumbai, but now we have to go by train.

And that is not a comfortable experience.

Invariably, we are summoned to Bangalore with less than a week's notice and it is well nigh impossible to get a confirmed ticket with a week's notice on the Indian Railways in the summer months. You would think tatkal booking should take care of the problem? I would too, but then you and I did not account for our centralised ticketing team that can botch things up incredibly [Sorry sir! System crashed!]

I ended up traveling in that train that contributes most to the Legend of Lalu Prasad Yadav. The messiah of the Indian Railways. The man who has made it the most profitable venture in India today. Not since, the British laid the first rail road in India, back in 1854, has the Indian Railways seen a man of this caliber. Ladies and gentlemen, I traveled by the Gharib Rath.

The genius of the train, is the way in which every available crevice has been utilised to put in a berth and charge the customer for the same. There is air-conditioning, but then again from the Seldom-Works factory, somewhere in Bihar. They rent out these blankets and pillows for Rs.25/-, its like a palliative, to make u think the air-conditioning works! Its not all bad, it looks decent. My own first reaction, when I boarded was "Not bad!!"

The worst part is in their endeavor to fit in all these extra people in one standard coach, theyve managed to shave off a few inches from each berth. Mr.Lalu's strategic inch reduction and my own profligate inch surplus, make for one really painful journey!

The Desperation of An HR Manager

2009-04-10T05:52:00.000-07:00

(This post is inspired by a true incident in an IT company I dont work for, but has been shamelessly embellished for blogging and reading pleasure)
Bulbul Sukhija was happy and contended. She had a nice job, HR manager in a muti-national IT company. People thought that hers was the most secure job in the company. They envied her. She thought they envied her Maybelline lipstick, her Estee Lauder nail polish or her fashionable Gucci purses and she liked it.

Then things changed

March 30, 2009 - Bulbul walks into office 5 mins late. She sees her HR colleagues, Rachna and Shweta chatting at the Coffee Machine. She stops to say hi. "Did you see the new SRK movie? He looks so dashing yaar!!"... There was no response from them. None of the usual giggles, screams or hi-fi's. Just a look of gloom and despair. "Whats wrong Rachna? Nitin didnt wanna go shopping over the weekend?" Shweta speaks up - "Did u hear about it? They laid off Gaurav, Rahul, Chetna and Riddhi in Banglore."

Bulbul was shocked. Layoff news should not have shocked her, but this was different. Layoffs in HR?!! That was unheard of. The reality of her world came crashing down on her. "The word is the VP-HR is coming down to our office later this week. Next round could be here.." Bulbul did not hear the rest of her words. Her mind was abuzz with images, sounds, numbers and reports... Reports she never made and numbers she did not know. They were all the preserve of Neha, her sweet but highly pregnant assistant.

Bulbul stumbled to her work station. No one told her she would be fired. But yet why was she feeling like this? Suddenly the room felt very cold and her fingers were shivering. She just froze over. Suddenly her phone rang, it was her VP-HR. He was coming to town on the 3rd of April. He was just checking if she would be in office then. Of course she would! "Sure..see you then. /CLICK/"

No hi's, no bye's, no inane jokes, no agenda, no enquiries on the weather, the cat or other inane things HR people talk about. Bulbul collapsed into her chair. This time she was sweating profusely. She had to do something. Her job was on the line...so was Maybelline/Estee Lauder/Gucci/her brand new Honda City...EVERYTHING WAS ON THE LINE

She called up Neha, who was on leave this week. "Neha how are u feeling?...Could you come into office for a bit this week...I understand your due anytime but this is important... I DONT CARE IF YOUR WATER BREAKS I WANT YOU IN OFFICE NOW!!

After ten more minutes of haggling, Neha agrees to come to office, but only for the 5 hours today. She looked at the last quarter's report. It didnt make any sense to her. What was that formula for attrition again? She called up Neha again.. "How long wud it take to make the Quarter report?... 3 hrs!.. That should be fine. The numbers are already in place?! Wow Great.."

Suddenly Bulbul felt a lot more relaxed. She had 2 hours with Neha to understand the report and then face her VP later this week. This was the kind of stuff she was good at in school, college and MBA.

MBA!! Her classmate Meena . She had worked with this VP-HR. She should call her for some tips. "Hi Meena , how're u doing?...Long time yeah!!...Yes i remember those days...How is Karan ? ... Oh wow! Didnt know that, Im sorry to hear that ... Your doing well right? ... Oh good good... Acha listen, I need a favour...et al.."

She was nice. She told her that the Boss didn't go with just reports. He was hungry for a taste of the action on the ground. What the sales guys were doing. What were the Engineers feeling on the ground. Real info and anectodes. Funny stories, tough stories and the likes... She mumbled her Thank You's all the while wondering how to get all this info.

How would she get all this info at such short notice? She didn't have the time to meet so many people. Just then, Shweta [from the Coffee Machine] walks up to her. She wanted some paper pins. Bulbul asks her, "How do you get info from a group of people, all at once, without meeting them individually?" Shweta looks at her and walks away as if someone asked her what comes after 0 and says over her shoulder, "You meet them in a Group!! Over lunch or something!!"

EUREKA!! BINGO!! That was it WORKING LUNCH!!

She pulls out her manpower report...looks through them and pulls out 30 people she knew.. people who had flirted with her, some she had flirted with, most she had helped out with some issue or the other. Mostly people who would not say no to a hasty lunch meeting.

She shot out an email to these people. It was 10-15 am. Should be enough of advance notice for a 12 pm meeting. Besides gives her about 45 mins before the cafeteria becomes crowded. Enough time to hear the stories of 30 people and give some anectodes to the BOSS no?

To - Bulbul Sukhija
Cc -
Bcc - 30 random guys - 10 Sales/ 10 Techies/ 10 Managers

WORKING LUNCH WITH HR
12 pm at the Cafeteria, today.

Would be great to meet you over lunch to understand how things have been with you and get to plan for the future.
Warm Regards,
Bulbul Sukhija

She called up the admin guy for lunch arrangements. Sorry madam, no budget left. No madam, approvals se nahi chalega. No budget only.../CLICK/ Idiot...

She calls up the cafeteria directly..Can you arrange some food...No admin approval...Im paying for it...Sorry madam only sandwich available. Regular lunch only by 12-45. OK fine.

11.45 am - Bulbul is at the cafeteria.. She paid the cafeteria guy. She sat there at her table doodling in on her notepad, waiting for her pack of story tellers..Slowly the Mark Twains start trickling in one and twos till even that stopped. No more were coming. Final count 13 guys

3 Embarassed Sales guys - [Athos, Porthos, Aramis] Each had thought it was a one to one intimate lunch with Bulbul Sukhija with a promise of many more to come. A reward that was worth postponing their year end hunt to fulfull their sales targets for.

10 Techies - All there for the free lunch.

0 Managers - They didnt read the mail.

Bulbul - Hi, Thanks for coming. So how are things?

Group - Silence, blink, blink.

Sandwiches and Frooti arrive

Bulbul - Please ha...

Group - Grabs at sandwiches and frooti.. *tear*...*gulp*...*slurp*

Bulbul - So how have things been

Techie #1 - That is all?

Bulbul - You can have Frooti too..

Athos thinks "Oh damn, ive done only 90% of my targets, if i get that deal signed today i would meet my nos...I need to get out of here... What was i thinking coming here"

Athos - It has been a great year..we are all very excited.. the company has been great, HR has been very supportive. Can I go now?

Techie #2 - Can i get some sauce pls?

Bulbul - Sure u can get ur sauce. And Athos, we wouldn't take too long. So tell me guys, how has it been going?

Techie #3 - Are we getting laid off?

Bulbul - Ofcourse not. We have an employee friendly HR policy. If you have done well this year, as im sure you have, you have nothing to be worried about. *Smiles*

Porthos' heart flutters. He knows he has done only 15% of his sales targets. He is a sureshot lay-off. He only hopes Bulbul would be the one laying him off .

Techie #4 - The air-conditioning is not working properly on our floor

Bulbul (expectantly) - Does it cause the team discomfort? Any health problems because of that? Team discord due to the increased heat?

Techie #4 - Mumbles something about not being able to find the remote

Bulbul [disappointed] - So what else?

Techie #1 - Can i get more Frooti?

Bulbul - Yes. What else is happening.

Athos - Hi Bulbul, I have to go now, there is a client meeting i have to attend.

Aramis [he has done 95% of his target and doesnt want Altos to beat him] - Bulbul, what is the company policy on timelines? Should we not planning things in advance and not waiting for the last date?

Bulbul - Yes of course. That is there in the second line of the company motto also. "Proactive Delivery"

Aramis - Oh how wonderful. (Smiles at Porthos, who looks daggers at him) Can u tell us more about the organizational principles we have?

Porthos - Yes please (Eagerly awaiting to hear Bulbul's lecture), bites into his 3rd sandwich

Techie #6 - But where is lunch? We only had sandwiches and Frooti

Bulbul (embarassed) - You can all have more sandwiches too

Techie #7 - Only sandwiches?? No bread pakoras?

Techie #9 - Thats exploitation. Just because the job market is dull, you cant treat us like this

Athos (sensing an opening) - Im sorry i have to leave too..moves away quickly without looking back.

Techie #10 - Lets go to Pizza Hut, who is in?

(slight murmer of disinterest in the group) - recession , month-end, bill payment due...

Techie #10 - Yaar its Techie #4's bday treat that is due.

Chairs moving, laughter, feet shuffling.People starting moving out.

Bulbul (relieved its over) - Thanks all for coming. We had a great time. Good luck.

Porthos - Bulbul, You want to come for coffee?
Techie #4 - Bulbul, u want to come for pizza? My treat?
Techie #10 - Bulbul, pizza and coffee after that?

Bulbul - Thanks guys

Friday, 4 April 2009
Bulbul meeting VP-HR

Bulbul - Yes sir, the team is sensitive to the market conditions, but they are working so hard...In fact they know that our team outing budgets are down, but Ive motivated them to pool in and still do their pizza party. The camaraderie is as great as ever, without a single penny from the company. Attrition, is not a challenge sir... (since we lay them off before they resign).

Everyone is so positive sir. They love the company and its values. Even seasoned Sales guys, want me to take up sessions on the company's core vision. The team is so committed, that even on the last day of the financial year, they are gung-ho to go out and meet their nos. Im so proud of the team that we have set up here. All go getters...(and the rest we lay-off)

VP-HR - Good Bulbul. Nice catching up with you. (Gets up to leave)

Rachna and Shweta, from the Coffee Machine, get laid off that evening. Bulbul got transferred to the Branding dept next week.

Dev D

2009-03-29T20:05:00.001-07:00

Ive watched Dev D 3 times now and have loved it for various reasons. The music is fantastic. Refreshingly different from what we see in movies these days. Emosional Atyachaar, was the real show-stealer. But I must say I quite enjoyed the entire album.

The story itself was, well standard, but the way it was weaved into the fabric of today's life in India was engaging. The protagonists had all done justice to their roles. I thought, even Kalki Kochelin, who struggled with her Hindi lines, hit the ball out of the park with her Tamil phone sex!! Her Tamil and French were way better than her Hindi!

Paro, played by Mahi Gill, was a revelation. I thought she looked a bit like Tabu...maybe the eyes. Abhay Deol, continues to impress, if not by his acting, but definitely with his choice of roles. Whoever, did his wardrobe for the movie was good. I loved the t-shirts that he wore through the movie.

By far, my favourite character in the movie was Chunni - if all pimps are this cool, then wonder why more don't take to the profession? My favourite Chunni scene in the movie was actually deleted from the final cut. But take a look. The dude is so cool that I'm gonna name my a/c after him when I get one!!

Refrigerator Times

2009-03-23T07:03:00.000-07:00

Did I mention I recently moved into a 2 bedroom apartment in Hyd?...Oh well I did, and this is how events unfurled...

Day 1 4pm - I move in. Considering my worldly belongings consist of 4 suitcases of clothes and books and a bed, there is enough place in my apartment for a TT table, Fussball table and a mini roller-blading rink. Considering I get whacked by most of my friends in TT and have never been into roller blading, the only sane option was a Fussball table. This took 5 hours to decide.

Day 2 12 am - I wake up...its searing hot. I wasn't able to sleep. I drank some water.It didn't help because it was HOT WATER! Now I needed to get an air-conditioner or water-cooler, refrigerator and maybe a microwave. Fussball table - stupid idea!! What was i thinking!! But what do i get first, an ac / fridge/ water cooler/ microwave . This took 5 days to decide

Day 6 - I go to office and tag along with a colleague to get a fridge. There were so many options...single door/double door, Godrej/Samsung/LG and the likes. After a thorough study of which option would be good enough to hold a reasonable number of beer bottles, I finally settled on a Single Door 200 L Godrej Pentacool. The clincher was that the shelf separators were made of metal wiring, giving a natural hold to stack up bottles. The double frosted glass separators were too slippery for the bottles. This took 15 mins to decide.

Day 6 - 2 hours later - Shiny new Refrigerator delivered at home.. My first household consumer durable. I couldn't bear to see it empty. I rushed out to buy milk, apples, oranges, water,an ice cream brick, corn flakes, watermelon, bread, jam...food that involve cooling but no cooking :-D

I come back home, stuff these into my new fridge [i need a name for it btw!]. After admiring it for a couple of minutes, i decided to dig into the watermelon. That's when i realise I have no cutlery. So off I go again, this time to get some plates, cups, glasses, spoons, forks et al

I bring them back home and unpack 'em in the kitchen to realise that I dont have a place to put these! So off I was again, this time to get a dish rack and some dishwasher soap. I hang around the shop for a few more minutes, calling up my mother/sister/friends to check if I need anymore stuff for the kitchen. After getting 15 minutes of counselling, I get a kitchen knife, a vegetable-peeler, a cutting board and 3 stainless steel glasses.

I got back home, a little tired and weary, hoping that no further oversights would come to light. I was quite relaxed when even after an hour, I could not recollect anything amiss.

So, in just reward, I cleaned off the ice-cream and went off to sleep!

PS - Pls do give suggestions for names for the refrigerator and toaster [yes i got one!] I liked the name Rambo, but couldnt decide if that should go to the fridge or the toaster..

Hyderabad

2009-03-16T08:05:00.000-07:00

Ok folks ive been transferred to Hyderabad. Been here for nearly 3 weeks now and trying to find my way around here.

Professionally, its a promising move. Im one of the few people getting a higher role, instead of getting bad news :-)

Personally, its another chance to hit the restart button! Thats something I love about moving cities. It allows you to redefine life all over again. Reset your priorities, relationships and somehow takes a lot of load off your shoulders. My life changed for the good when I moved to Delhi. Im grateful for that.

Now here is something I know about Hyderabad...so far.

1. Everyone knows where is Paradise Restaurant.
2. If you ask for directions, the stock reply is "Seedha jaao aur Chauraiya se left maaro"..the idea is do that 3 times, come back to where you are and ask the next guy!
3. If people say Parson, they dont mean yesterday! For some weird reason, even things that happened 2 weeks or earlier is referred to as Parson
4. Ive learnt now that even Digital meters of Autowallahs can be tampered
5. The segregation between Hindu and Muslims is not as bad as Delhi or Mumbai
6. It gets bloody hot here in March [apparently Im told Mr. Solar is equally harsh in Delhi these days]
7. No Parking signs are not meant for politicians [Its a cardinal rule in India, but reinforce in Hyd]
8. There was a hoarding put up by Chiranjeevi's party with photos of the MegaStar and Barack Obama. This was right opposite the TDP office. Being Telugu illiterate, I didnt know what it said, but I wonder if it was done to intimidate Mr.Naidu or tickle him silly! I can imagine Naidu's reponse if Chiranjeevi wins, "It was a foreign conpsiracy" better still " It was a CIA plot and Chiranjeevi is an American agent! We have hoardings to prove it!"
9. Food is cheaper than Delhi...20-30% cheaper
10. The street dogs are really puny!
11. The average number of beggars per sqkm must be the highest in India...They are everywhere!!
12. Jubilee Hills and Banjara Hills have the most majestic houses that I have seen anywhere in India.
13. Its possible for a gal walking down the road with a couple of friends at 11 pm in the night and pass a biker gang and not get eveteased/molested/raped.
14. Movie tickets are 25-30% cheaper than Delhi.
15. Its very difficult to get a movie ticket on the weekend unless you do advance booking.Movies that flop in rest of the country would be a hit here. People are just crazy about movies.

Life Choices

2009-02-21T19:57:00.000-08:00

Life is a sum total of the choices we make in life. These choices are like a stack of Dominoes, one leading to another. They come so fast and before you realise life has taken you to an unknown place, and made you a person you cannot quite recognise.

There is nothing good or bad about it. Its just the result of the choices you have made. Remember, life would have been very different if you decided to make a different choice early on. Its very difficult when there is no time and there is a rush of pressure to follow the course. Standing up takes a lot of courage and exacts a heavy toll. All to frequently, we don't even know if we are right or wrong.

But thats ok. Stand by your decision. Thats the only right or wrong. Not what someone else thinks. Its a hard choice to make and life could exact an unforgiving price out of you for it. But at least you take to your grave, the satisfaction that you lived your life on your own terms. And no one can take that away from you, regardless of you being a hero or a villain.

PS : Thanks Nikki for shaming me into writing a post!

My Johari Window

2009-01-30T21:28:00.000-08:00

Arena

(known to self and others)

confident, independent, intelligent, mature, proud, self-assertive

Blind Spot

(known only to others)

able, adaptable, calm, caring, cheerful, clever, complex, dependable, energetic, extroverted, friendly, helpful, idealistic, introverted, knowledgeable, logical, loving, observant, organised, patient, quiet, reflective, responsive, self-conscious, sensible, sentimental, spontaneous, trustworthy, warm, wise, witty

Façade

(known only to self)

Unknown

(known to nobody)

accepting, bold, brave, dignified, giving, happy, ingenious, kind, modest, nervous, powerful, relaxed, religious, searching, shy, silly, sympathetic, tense

Dominant Traits

66% of people agree that Abanith is confident

All Percentages

able (9%) accepting (0%) adaptable (14%) bold (0%) brave (0%) calm (23%) caring (9%) cheerful (4%) clever (9%) complex (14%) confident (66%) dependable (28%) dignified (0%) energetic (4%) extroverted (4%) friendly (14%) giving (0%) happy (0%) helpful (9%) idealistic (9%) independent (23%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (19%) introverted (9%) kind (0%) knowledgeable (23%) logical (28%) loving (4%) mature (23%) modest (0%) nervous (0%) observant (19%) organised (33%) patient (4%) powerful (0%) proud (4%) quiet (14%) reflective (9%) relaxed (0%) religious (0%) responsive (19%) searching (0%) self-assertive (23%) self-conscious (4%) sensible (19%) sentimental (9%) shy (0%) silly (0%) spontaneous (9%) sympathetic (0%) tense (0%) trustworthy (14%) warm (4%) wise (4%) witty (23%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 31.1.2009, using data from 21 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view Abanith's full data.

Dead Poet's Society

2008-12-27T10:31:00.000-08:00

I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately,
I want to live deep and suck out all the marrow out of life!
To put to rout all that was not life,
And not when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.

One shouldnt be writing reviews about a movie that released 20 yrs back, but watching Dead Poet's Society again today brought back a lot of memories. The film itself is a touching portrayal of a group of adoloscent school boys coming to terms with what conformity demands out of them and what life demands out of them. Trying to do both together takes a lot of grace. And grace makes goodness out of ugly things!

I thank my parents for never stopping me from sucking the marrow out of life. I wish I did more. Its time for me to stop drifting and feel challenged again!

A Letter From Azim Premji

2008-12-26T11:57:00.000-08:00

Dear Wiproite

Recently I had the opportunity to talk to a very large group of entrepreneurs - about 1700 of them. They wanted me to share my experiences of leading Wipro, for the past 40 years - during which period our organization has grown from $4 million to over $5 billion - from absolute obscurity to being a globally known leader in IT.

I always look at the future, and am hardly prone to reminiscing, but this opportunity did spur me to think about the past of Wipro, and what I have learnt from the privilege of leading this wonderful organization.

I thought it might be worthwhile for me to share these thoughts with all of you – who have actually shaped and defined Wipro.

What follows are a few passages from my speech.

________________________________________________________________

My experience tells me that we learn a lot more from difficulties and failures than from successes. In fact, hidden behind each success is a trail of difficulties and failures. So as I describe my experience as an intrapreneur, I will focus more on the difficulties, than on the successes.....because the successes of Wipro are reasonably well known.

In 1966, at the age of 21, I was practically overnight thrust in to the role of the CEO of the company that we know today as Wipro, and was then called Western India Vegetable Products Limited. The company was about USD 4 million in sales then, and was not in the best of shape. We used to make vegetable oil.

To take over that responsibility, and with that suddenness, I had to leave my education two quarters incomplete. The circumstances demanded it. My father had passed away at the age of 51, and I absolutely had to take care of the company.

It was not easy. Actually it was very difficult. I was dealing with a personal loss, and I was also trying to take charge of a role for which I had no training, no experience, no preparation and no demonstrated strengths.

I learnt a lot. I learnt not to look back. I learnt that pining for what could have been, is neither a path to happiness nor to success. I learnt that the most important thing is to deal with the here and now. And I learnt that, that can happen only through personal action.

It has stayed with me forever. There is no substitute to action. That to me is the starting point and the ending point of being an entrepreneur.
__________________________

Let me stay with those early days.

In the very first AGM, there was a shareholder, who said that he didn’t trust my ability to run the company. He said that if I were running the company, I could only run it to the ground.

In hindsight, perhaps he had good reason to say what he did, because indeed I was very young and with no experience in business. (At that time, my need was to dye my hair white to look older).

But for me at that point in time, his statement was a challenge. A challenge that consumed me in many senses. I made up my mind that I will prove him wrong, and with each passing day my resolve only increased. With each difficulty that I faced, my determination only grew.

As I look back, I can only thank that man.

Thanks to this man and to this episode I also learnt a crucial lesson. To be successful you have to be challenged by something, and then have the resolve to deal with it. This is the surest way forward. I learnt that challenges, determination and passion is what propel a person. Eventually I have also learnt that, often you have to go out seeking challenges, because challenges may not come seeking you.

There is another interesting insight that I got over time. Rarely have I come across a successful entrepreneur, who became an entrepreneur only to make money. In practically all cases, people become entrepreneurs because there is a challenge that excites them....a challenge to change the world, a challenge to invent something, a challenge to create something etc.....some deeply captivating challenge that appeals to them personally – but rarely is the desire to make money the prime driver.
________________________________________________________________

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Azim Premji

the experiment continues...

2008-12-25T16:07:00.000-08:00

A Victim of Terrorism

2008-12-25T05:45:00.001-08:00

i'm sitting in a restaurant in a crowded market in delhi, thinking
what would happen if a couple of loonies' with an AK walk in and let
loose?

Whichever way i look at it...it doesnt seem a promising prospect if
they come in! There is only one entry/exit. The kitchen is on the
other side of the entry. Tables are not so big that i cud hide down
there. As a target, even the most lousy constable in india wouldnt
miss me, forget any trained terrorist. My only hope is they wudnt come
into this place as it isn't too crowded and there aint any firangs
here!!

You would think im acting paranoid here, spooked by the horrible carnage in
Mumbai. You're right. But it didnt start with Mumbai. Delhi's markets have also become the favourite haunts for terrorists boms. Before last month, whenever i go by
this market, I cross the road and walk on the less crowded
side, looking out for any suspicious packages. I also made sure I
didnt go near the market during peak hours when its most crowded. I
assume that whn the loonies wud like to strike.

I've never seen a terrorist attack, let alone be physically harmed by
one. But you see I too am a victim.

Experiment

2008-12-23T06:36:00.001-08:00

If this goes through this is gonna be legendary!! Im trying to blog
through email!

Mobile to blog direct!

--
Abanith
Life is never going to be the same again.

Days of Glory

2008-10-28T03:29:00.000-07:00

I saw a French war movie recently that refocussed my attention on the racism and class disparity that is widely prevalent in societies. The name of the move was "Days of Glory". I belive the original French version was called "Les Indigenes".

It struck me how the mindset of society and its individuals fosters a cycle of sel-defeating cynicism. We become so stuck up in status-quo and accept the overlordship of others, that we forget to believe and fight for our rights. Even when we fight, its more to let our frustrations than to win the war.

Its important for people to believe.
Its more important for society not to hinder individual belief and aspirations.

Its been true against struggles of all kinds, be it against racism, colonialism, imperialism, casteism....anything. Even today's depressing economic scenario. Markets keep going up and crashing on nothing more tangible than "market sentiment". Nobody knows how long this would last. People have shut shop and are preparing for the Great Depression. But what really is going to take us over the hill is when we as individuals start believing that this is over. Either we do it ourselves or we wait for a catharsis.

Barack Hussein Obama II

2008-10-21T10:16:00.000-07:00

The genius of the man is that he means a lot of things to different people depending on where they come from. To many he is the anti-christ and to many more he is THE ONE.

To me he is a man of immense substance - practical yet philosophical, street smart yet very polished, young but very mature, cool but very can-do, liberal yet very disciplined and so on and so forth.

His evolution as a candidate has been an amazing journey. From a journeyman during the 2000 Democratic Convention, with the Clinton family at its powerful peak to being the upstart outsider who upset the Hillary applecart in 2008, he has blazed a trail of his own. He has been brilliant in studying his constituency and building his message. He has tackled various audiences at differing stages of his career brilliantly. Be it the Illinois electorate that gave him his first break or the liberal young college crowd that thronged his rallies or the general election crowd that need to be convinced he was more than an empty suit.

Ive been following this man for quite some time. He is THE ONE. And I thought so much before Oprah Winfrey said so.

I remember watching his 2004 DNC speech and being blown away by it. While still in hostel, I remember I used to look him up on YouTube everyday. I tracked him before he declared his candidacy and also as he declared it. Ive seen him grow as a candidate and take the centre stage.

What drew me to him was how he emphasised the need to unite, rather than divide. At a time when the world was wracked by terrorism, America's response to it with two wars, arrogant with us or against us attitude, this man seemed to be a balm to all the wounds that had been cut up. His cerebral approach to politics was stark contrast to Bush's Cheney approach!

On hindsight, I think Obama is all the more smarter as he understood the problem he faced in gunning for the Presidency and had a plan to get around it.

Fired Up Ready To Go

The most obvious thing about Obama is how good a speaker he is. He used his charisma and speech-making skills to fire up his base before Iowa. For a man who can electrify hundreds of thousands in one speech, I can only imagine how he must have fired up hundreds of people in small halls and school gymnasiums across Iowa.

Politics is about making your opponents strength their weakness. Ask Kerry and the Swift Boat Veterans! Somehow Hillary and team were not able to pin down Obama on their "empty suit" line of attack.

He is a master of playing the crowd. Watch this video, the last speech he gave before the elections. The last 4 minutes are electrifying.

Grant Park - Chicago Victory Speech

I would not forget this speech. I was over at a friends house watching the results come in live. Suddenly CNN called the elections in favour of Obama. It was a great feeling. I felt as though I was one amongst those 250,000 people in Grant Park, Chicago. The enormity of what he had pulled off was astounding. It was too big to comprehend in that little moment.

He came out and addressed the world. He seemed to understand the enormity of the challenges that were ahead of him, while the rest of the world was still ecstatic to see him there.

Somehow, in that one moment, America showed the beauty of Democracy. It was regime change without a shot being fired. An ideology was overthrown and a new one dawned. Make no mistake, this man and his moment shall pass. The old might become the new and this change would become old. But the beauty of democracy is the right man with the right ideology at the right time would be the messiah.

Yes We can

The difference between Obama and a generation of politicians before him and his own peers, is his ability to inspire people to take up his cause. This video is one of many on the Web that spread his word and message. He has become the ubercool icon for the youth generation. Words like

The fierce urgency of now

We are the ones that we have been waiting for

Yes we can

that have been crafted into his speeches have made him the symbol of hope for a generation of people, for very different reasons, which Im not sure Obama himself understands fully. He has mobilised millions of people at a grass roots level to carry his message. This is not the traditional Democratic party machine, but an entire structure this is outside of it. Rudy Guiliani was right when he quoted Community Organizing as one of Obama's experiences during the Republican Convention. Where he and his party were sorely mistaken, was their lack of respect for the same.

Sure enough, he is the flavour of the season now. But that wasn't always the case. Obama has been a political chameleon but not in a way a fair-minded person could fault him. When the Rev. Wright crisis broke out, he did stand up for the Reverend in his speech on the racial divide in America. I remember seeing that speech and thought this was a great speech and that it should put his election beyond doubt. When i saw the newspapers and news coverage the next day, I did not see a ringing endorsement. Though the media was supposed to be on Obama's side, people did prefer to nuance their positions till it became clear who the top dog was. In American politics, the winner takes all!

Its a New Day

He has come through and won the election. Regardless of what he does going forward, the last two years have been historic. Not because of Barack Obama, but because for people like me who wanted the leadership of the world to change. Change comes not by just hoping for it. But by translating that hope into action, which is focussed towards an ultimate goal. When that happens, each new day seems so special.

Exploring Rishikesh

2008-10-12T00:01:00.000-07:00

Ever since the beginning of this year ive become increasingly taken in by the idea of exploring delhi. As April 09 gets closer, i get ever more paranoid that i need to see more of delhi and its surroundings before i get forced out of this place [god forbid!]

So keeping that in mind, I did not miss the first opportunity to go out exploring. Last week, I'd gone on a rafting trip to Rishikesh with 3 friends from work. We had a wicked time.

We drove up to Rishikesh from Delhi in a Maruti Baleno. Its a good ride except for low ground clearance, which gives the owner of the car heart attacks everytime the undercarriage hits a speed breaker!

We had a stopover at Haridwar to take a dip in the Holy Ganges. Now that was a sight!! People....thousands of them - men, women and children, old and young, formed and deformed, from all over India, just for one dip in the holy ganges. And where there is people there is business. Hawkers selling everything from jewellery to plastic bottles to take home some holy water.

There was also a lady going around with a king cobra in one of those flat bamboo baskets. The deal was she would open the basket and the bored Cobra wud raise its head 5 cms and you wud pay the lady some money. [I dont know if the Cobra was meant to be an obeisance to the 30m statue of Lord Shiva across the river or plain daylight robbery, but either way ur screwed as most of us people tend to leave their wallets in their cars!] So if you dont have money to pay the lady and her cobra, u better hope she doesnt come to you, being clad in just a towel and looking lost helps in ensuring she doesnt show interest in you! There is also another chap who goes around with a python that u can wrap around ur neck and pose in. Yes there is a photographer who duly tails both cobra lady and python man. Now I know im clad only in a towel, but even if Madhu Sapre were to pose along, I wudnt be wrapping a python around me.

But I must say the above two meetings happened in a space of 2 minutes. I can tell you I never missed my baby sister so much in my life before!! She wud have swam across the GANGES to avoid that situation... never mind the fast flowing polluted water nor the 200m against the current swim nor the fact that she doesnt know swimming :-))

Im not much of a water person. I always new it and I got reaffirmation the moment I took my first dip in the Ganges. The water was colder than normal but sheer panic seized me. My foot were on the steps of banks. I was holding on the iron chains that fence the dipping enclosure. But in that one moment, it was abundantly clear to me the task that I had undertaken. River rafting was going to be one heck of an experience for me.

We got to our destination well stocked. [Pls note that Rishikesh and Haridwar are bascially dry areas where even getting non-vegetarian food is a tough ask].

We were staying at a camp called Paddler's Zone. It was a good camp, compared to the experiences of friends who had been earlier to other camps down the river.

This place we were camping at was on the banks of the river Bhagirathi. We had our share of fun, beach volleyball, drinks around the bonfire, country chicken on the beach [now if they didnt ban non veg around there, we wudve probably been having broiler chicken!]. Its a really special feeling sitting on the rocks with ur feet in the water and feeling the awesomeness of nature around you!

Next day morning after a very competitive game of beach volleyball, we headed for our rafting trip. You need to have a lot of patience to live life in the mountains. If you do not have patience, then u will be taught patience! My reference is to the infamous traffic jams here. Most of the time vehicles move in convoys on narrow roads, susceptible to landslides. So a lot of times, we wud be stuck in a jam waiting endlessly for a convoy to pass and once the first vehicle appears, it wud be an endless convoy of various assorted vehicles that pass you by. When we were around, the marriage season it seems had started and we encountered quite a few convoys of marriage parties along the way. All in all, a 10 km ride ends up taking 1.5 hours to traverse!

We arrived at our start point, kitted up and took the mandatory pics as we awaited our turn. There was a huge NDTV contingent on an OBT that was getting its briefing ahead of us. Kit basically is life raft, helmet and an oar. The 4 of us got on board. We had another family for company including a 2 yr old girl. Pretty brave i must say.

I was apprehensive at first, praying that our raft wouldnt topple over. When we went over the first rapids I was a bit overwhelmed, it was the smallest of all the rapids but yet when the first water splashed on my face, it took my breath away. The next rapid was a blur...more than the rapid i was trying to focus on rowing in tandem with the rower in front of me. Just focussing on it, took me away from my fears.Two more rapids went that way. Then my friends jumped into the water as we were going through a quiet stretch. I, needless to say, stuck to the safety of the raft.

Then something happened. I started looking at the waves and how they were behaving. 80% of the waves didnt splash up water.Only the remaining 20% did and these were the waves that could topple the raft if we didnt row together at the moment of contact. The physics was simple if the raft had prolonged contact against a wave for more than 2-3 secs it wud topple over. Thus when we were against such a wave it was critical that we were over the wave before the momentum goes against us. Once I figured this out, I realised the entire rafting experience was just an exercise in conquering our demons as it was a pretty safe proposition otherwise. The most critical person on board the raft is the guide who guides the raft through the currents and away from whirlpools. Otherwise the passengers are required only to row against the big waves.

The next time we were against a quiet stretch, I was game to get into the waters. For the life of me, I cannot explain the panic that seized me when i got into the waters. I momentarily went under the surface and came up gasping for breath. The water was 70 ft deep and I had no confidence in my ability to stay afloat. I grabbed for my friend's hand and with the other held on to the raft. My feet were going upwards and were against the bottom of the raft. My head was moving backwards. All the water around me caused me great anxiety. I didnt realise that I was floating!

Then in about a minutes time, I begun to gain a semblence of control and started to think. I tried to kick my legs and paddle. It helpled me stay afloat and in control. Then I tried to move around, paddling my feet behind me. It gave me control over the direction I wanted to move in. Finally I was comfortable. No more anxiety! I knew there were no sharks in the Ganges there!... Wonder what I wud do if there were sharks around in the waters I swim...Well thats another adventure another day!!

The remaining of the trip brought us against the toughest rapids but it never was a problem. As I said, river rafting seemed to be about conquering my own demons!!

One of the times when we enjoy life is when we are not afraid to get lost. Thats when u discover new routes, more beautiful, more lonely, more adventurous and stretch your self to the limits as you are not afraid of the consequences if something goes wrong! Thats kind of like what happened to us, losing our way 3 times but ended up having quite a great ride back to Delhi anyways.

PS - If u ever pass by Rorkee stop by to have this badam milk in this Sardar's shop in Civil Lines near Century Gate. The best badam milk which u will have in India!! :-)
Thanks Brij, Radhe and Anurag! It was a blast!

I need some inspiration!

2008-09-06T02:14:00.000-07:00

Truth be told... I love my job. But something of late has been bothering me. I have to motivate myself to push myself harder every day. It never was this hard. But when the going gets tough, the tough get going. Funny bit is im not able to put a finger on whats been bothering me.

i always new it was going to be a crazy September. I had a feeling something stupid wud happen....i still do.

What do i want in life?

2008-07-19T22:47:00.000-07:00

The last 10 days have been a whirlwind... Delhi to Chennai twoice and in between to Pondicherry and also to a very beautiful wedding. While each of these days would make a good blog in itself. I'll save it for later.

My current state of mind brings me back to one nagging question again and again. WHAT DO I WANT? Want do i want from work? What do i want in life? What do i want from the people around me?

I do not have any self-doubt as to if i can achieve what i want...but question is what do i want. Im scared that im getting stuck in a rut while i try to figure out what i want.
Airports can be a great place to get into some serious self-introspection. The problem with self-introspection itself is when it is left open-ended. It kills you. It keeps you awake day and night and it keeps asking me the same question WHAT DO I WANT?

I made someone something.

2008-06-28T09:40:00.000-07:00

Something very interesting happened a few months back.

I got a feedback about a friend of mine who used to be very close to me. I was told the person has changed beyond belief in a positive way. I do believe that I had a hand in remaking that person. It was such a thrilling feeling to have.

Im not on talking terms with that friend now. But the very fact that i had made a difference in someone's life was so gratifying! :-)

Delhi is Beautiful

2008-06-20T01:11:00.001-07:00

STATUTORY WARNING - Im rambling again.

I never thought i will be saying this 3 yrs back but I love Delhi. Not because, its a beautiful city. It might be. But its for reasons that are far more experential than that!

Life is not worth living if one doesnt go through a myriad of experiences. In my 3 yrs in Delhi, I have been through all these experiences. Ive not had the very morbid ones, but yes there have been happy, pleasant, exhilarating, sad , heart-breaking, disappointing experiences. That is what makes Delhi memorable for me!

Ive met all sorts of people here. People who had come closest to me, people who have really supported me, people who had betrayed me, people who had loved me, people who loathed me and of course the people who do not even know me. [I do revel in this anonymity]. I have heard a lot of people decry Delhi for the behaviour of its populace, "too arrogant", "flashy", "shallow", "selfish", "greedy" etc. I don't know if all of this is true, it might be. But living amongst all this and surviving makes life a lot more challenging than it otherwise might have been!

Deja Vu

2008-06-19T22:22:00.001-07:00

STATUTORY WARNING - This is my first post this year - So im gonna be rambling.
Its funny how I associate songs with moods. Some songs which i used to listen to during a certain phase of my life bring back old memories in an instant, memories ive long since forgotten.

Memories of a city ive left behind, a life ive forgotten, a crush whose face i cant remember, frustration i never voiced, a love i cant forget, bitterness that lingers...

Music is more than lyrics. Its a time capsule of emotions. Today I have been hurt, hurt very badly and the music im listening to now im sure will bring back this feeling of today. Im just gonna make sure i dont listen to my favourite songs today!! Why taint those lovely songs with such memories :-)

Hostel Life @ VKRV Rao Hostel - Delhi University

2007-12-23T22:17:00.000-08:00

Room 215, 2nd floor corner left balcony in the foreground

One of the most important places in my life has been VKRV Rao Hostel. To be more specific - Room nos. 101 and 215 of VKRV Rao Hostel, Delhi University. This is where I learnt what it means to be competitive and yet be principled. How to push hard yet not go overboard. I met a lot of people here, bright yet so wonderfully diverse. I never worked harder in my life and never took up so many challenges successfully. There was a disappointment no doubt, but that still lingers on.

I remember getting up at crazy hours in the morning, when the rest of the hostel was sleeping or just going to sleep and getting out for my morning jog! It was a brilliant experience. One of my biggest regrets at the moment is how I have let it all slip and put on weight again! Ah, well another crib for another day!

I would never forget the University Grounds where I used to go jogging. Even now I feel, whenever I have a problem if I could go there, things would somehow just become ok. Its a very strange sort of connection to that place :-)

Another place that I can never forget would be Athar Singh's canteen! Those endless hours of meaningless "bakchodi" along with some good networking were fun. But what was more exciting was the opportunity to exchange notes with some of really smart peers on matters ranging from Game Theory to the nitty gritties of viral marketing. Those were moments when I realised that these were times that could never again be repeated in life! All this of course in the middle of winter at midnight, while downing hot maggi to warm one's frozen innards!

When I talk about VKRV , I must mention the guru of all things enlightened and the man who kept the engine running for most of the guys in our hostel - Maddy! Every hostel around the world would surely have one such Man Friday and Maddy was our man. The poor guy used to get harassed by some pretty desperate blokes at 2 or 3 am in the morning!! [Not like what you're thinking!] They just used to ask him to turn on his Computer!! :-) The hostel LAN took care of the rest!

The biscuit raids that we used to have on the second floor too was something to remember. Even if I ever forget, I'm sure Kloggie Doggie would not quite get over it so easily! It all started one night during a power cut when our man went to the canteen to get some food. He hid the chips under his arms and biscuits stashed in his pockets and stealthily made it all the way from the canteen to the second floor without getting spotted! One could almost feel the sense of achievement as he reached the second floor. Alas! the poor soul did not spot the pack of hyenas [his neighbours] who were chit chatting in the corridor. He arrived just when there was a break in the conversation and the poor soul didn't even hear us or see us. In less than one minute, 2 packets of biscuits and Uncle Chips were snatched away from him and ripped open and gulped down. We were generous, though. We did offer Kloggie his own biscuits and chips... He was too stunned to respond! So we ate his share as well!! :-)

Other places of interest in VKRV were the front "forecourt" where we used to play cricket, the gym cum library, the neighbouring Gwyer Hall Canteen where we used to have our morning chai and biscuit and of course, the Common Room. That was our home away from home and room away from room. MBA life, in between strenuous projects and unbeatable deadlines can be interspersed with loads of free time for which the common room is the most antidote. One experience of a lifetime is watching a Cricket match in a jam packed Common room of 100 men, with the Bongs going totally silent as Ganguly struggling to touch the ball and going bonkers when he finally manages to middle the ball! To add to the spice, they would also let lose a few expletives at Guru Greg! And then one fine day, they go take it a bit too far and abuse MSD! That only got the rest of the Biharis, Jharkandis and metrosexuals in the hostel totally after them!! If the game itself wasn't entertaining, this definitely was!

This photo shows the second floor terrace and those steps are a place where I spent endless hours on the phone in the second year as the signal in my room wasn't too great! Im not the only one, there used to be quite a few guys who used to come here to talk on the phone. So in the evenings, you wud find about 3-4 guys walking around here talking on the phone, taking turns to charge their phone at the plugpoint on the wall. Its funny how things change in a matter of months ... Now I have a phone, a post paid connection and dont have to worry about the bill but somehow come evening, there is no one to talk to! We are all busy in our own sweet world!

I am Back

2007-12-22T21:10:00.000-08:00

Well one of the downsides of blogging is that most people, me included(!), find it very hard to keep it going consistently. However if at all I was to revive my blog, I think the best time to do it would be at the end of the year. Its a good time to look back at the year that went by in perspective and see where I am. Also I can ensure I have at least one blog in the year 2007!! :)

So here goes~ My next series of blogs would be dedicated to the year that went by!

And then i breathe!

2006-08-03T18:34:00.000-07:00

Finally internship over. Back to college boring life.

Need to do more.

The hunger is brewing inside me.

This is the final stretch. Words no longer hold any meaning. Action and results do. The most decisive period of my life approaches... Damn its already here!

Bring it on....Im ready!

Things have changed.

2006-07-04T07:56:00.000-07:00

Its been a month since my last post. And all my hard work during my summer project has come to fruition. More responsibility and reward and more satisfaction.

I have no doubt now that when I play my cards right hard work always brings out its high rewards. I just need to

Push Hard,
Play Smart,
Do More,
Learn More,
Go out There and
Get It Done.

But the more I do it seems the more is asked out of me. Its fine thats how life is...With power comes responsibility and vice versa.

I sail in a very lonely boat that fights the hard winds and at times I wonder if even my sail understands why I fight this torrid tempest. It takes a different character to ride out these times and its very lonely to be me.

I will win, I will fulfill all my dreams, wished and ambitions. But for now the monkey cries...Natt.

My favourite cartoon

2006-06-07T23:28:00.000-07:00

What else can it be!

The reason for it is....wait a second...do i need a reason to have a favourite cartoon?

I just love it! I always liked the Hanna Barbara Productions than those made by Chuck Jones. The latter sucked quite honestly!! Jerry had ears like Dumbo the elephant!! And the action or violence or whatever you want to call it seemed contrived. An attempt to keep in touch up with the standards set by Hanna Barbara.

The best part of Tom and Jerry was the absolute violence in it. Oh how i wish i could just chop my sister and nothing happens and we continue hitting and chopping each other...yeah yeah im evil brother...but just think about it... :-) oh the fun of it all!!

Yes i admit i liked tom more than jerry and always used to root for tom to be successful but the poor stupid feline could never get one trick right...and the rare moments when he did pull a fast one on jerry were ones of immense personal (!) satisfaction!

But i liked Butch better than Tom! and the moments he came in were ultra hilarious especially when he whacked the living daylights of tom. That too to an extent that jerry could never dream of accomplishing!! My fave scene, which is etched in my head is of him whacking tom over and over again with a golf club, while tom leaps in agony!!! [:D] Yep im a sadistic evil bully worshipper!! [:D]

A quiz i went through...u shud try it too

2006-05-29T05:09:00.000-07:00

You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational.

Cultural Creative

94%

Existentialist

94%

Idealist

81%

Romanticist

75%

Postmodernist

63%

Fundamentalist

56%

Modernist

44%

Materialist

44%

What is Your World View? (updated)
created with QuizFarm.com

Im not happy.

2006-05-29T04:56:00.001-07:00

I imagine my life when I was in college, I hardly had a clue which direction I wanted to go in life. Felt very bad about myself mentally and physically. Wanted very badly to be able to wake up early in the morning. Wanted to be driven. Wanted to be able to walk the talk. To be professional. To be able to look problems in the eye and deal with them. To be the one that could be trusted to get things done.

Today I've done all that. But, I'm not happy... I want more.

If success is driven by wanting more then would I ever be happy?

Definitely. I find great thrills with the smallest joys in life while I leave the bigger issues to fulfill other people's happiness. One more year of education. The world is waiting...and I can't wait to take it on.

I want more...

How I Almost Got Fired From Wipro... :-)

2006-05-26T17:12:00.000-07:00

Ok Ive been stacking this blog with the kind of stories that have led to people thinking i have a pretty sorry life! Not True!

Here is a story of how i almost got fired from wipro!
In our wipro email ids, we have the contacts of every employee including azim premji!
so this week when i was making a cab request to the transport dept i put in a cc to the HR dept as well and on a whim i decided to go thru the mailing list! And out of curiosity clicked on azim premji's contact details [curious to know his office add u see!] And lo behold our man's id was added to the cc list!

Now imagine a req for cab being mailed to the Chairmans office!! I know i wouldve lost my job but i also suspect my boss' job wudve been in jeopardy too! On the other hand if he did approve my req for cab...im sure i wudve been travelling around in an ac Honda City for the rest of summer internship :-) Imagine the Travel Desk Guy's face when he sees a summer intern's cab request approved by the CMD!! Oh Man im so excited thinking about this that i actually want to try it out!

ok anyways i somehow spotted his id and removed it, with a huge sigh of relief!

Hmmm...

2006-05-22T21:27:00.000-07:00

Woke up at 2.30 am today. Didnt sleep after that...Heard this GNR song at about 5 odd in the common room...I heard this song and its meaning caused me to lacriminate.

She's got a smile that it seems to me
Reminds me of childhood memories
Where everything
Was as fresh as the bright blue sky
Now and then when I see her face
She takes me away to that special place
And if I'd stare too long
I'd probably break down and cry

Sweet child o' mine
Sweet love of mine

She's got eyes of the bluest skies
As if they thought of rain
I hate to look into those eyes
And see an ounce of pain
Her hair reminds me of a warm safe place
Where as a child I'd hide
And pray for the thunder
And the rain
To quietly pass me by

Sweet child o' mine
Sweet love of mine

Where do we go
Where do we go now
Where do we go
Sweet child o' mine

When man is desperate, even the most routine and normal thing appears to be blown out of propotion. It hurts more than before when the phone is cut. Logical arguments that evoked admiration before now seem designed to keep a distance. This madness seeks reassurance but what if the reassurer is also going mad? Neither can reassure each other but end up aggravating it in their own weird way. The only hope is that when the pain is severe the balm is ultra bliss. Would there ever be a balm to this?

:-)

2006-05-21T17:44:00.000-07:00

Things change...all in a matter of minutes. you're issue may not be resolved but it doesnt bother you that much. I live to die another day!! I want to enjoy that life however long or short it might be.

Doing the right thing is painful

2006-05-21T06:59:00.000-07:00

Ultra painful. Just the thought of how Im going to see somebody for the next one year and not be able to speak a word...see them very happy and not be part of that happiness or even the reason for it. Not able to emote not able to appreciate, compliment or even get close to look in the eye.

IF THERE IS A GOD ABOVE I ASK YOU THIS QUESTION. WHY ME? WHAT HAVE I DONE? HOW HAVE I SINNED? TELL ME DAMMIT TELL ME WHY DO U PUT ME THRU THIS AGAIN AND AGAIN.

40 mins back i got off the metro. 30 mins back it took just 10 secs for me to die. For me to see someone and not even be able to croak a word of appreciation out my mouth that flowed so easily even yesterday...i wonder how on earth im gonna go thru this.

WHY DO I HAVE TO GO THRU THIS IN MY LIFE?

Made my move

2006-05-21T01:33:00.000-07:00

I slept for 20 mins and honestly it felt like 3 hours. Is it that im that relieved or that tired. But i did what i had to... I may have lost the plot because i said things in the wrong manner. And in fact I might even have lost it because I opened my mouth at all. But I have no regrets. I didn't hold out any illusions to anyone. I spoke my mind, my fears and my insecurities. If that is a problem then its a pity. But then thats how life is. This journey may have ended earlier than expected. Painful. I wished it never ended. But it rather not continue on illusions. Hmmm....Painful.Painful.Painful. Is it worth this pain? I dont know. Hope life doesn't prove it is not.

Conflicting Emotions

2006-05-21T01:29:00.000-07:00

In life we come across certain times and moments where we can withhold feelings, emotions, facts or ignore them to our advantage. It is very tough to do the right thing and risk losing what probably holds most value to you. Doing the right thing is a gamble with nothing that you can do about it….nothing. It’s the most frustrating moment in life where every conscious brain cell of yours asks you to manipulate to your advantage. It has taken me sometime to clear my mind up and I’m not sure that if I still might not go back on my decision now. Its better to act and let the deed be done than to deliberate about it and let myself be sucked in by my practical side.

I’m not a believer, but I have pretensions to be Righteous. Doing the right thing, puts me and the people around me in great difficulty. But that’s why one should do the right thing, beyond personal pain. Personal pain is maximum when the people around me get hurt.

Letting go twice in a year is stupendous! Never ever thought I’ll have to do it even once in my life. And never thought I’ll be doing it again and that too so quick. But life is such. I can hang around and win this little battle, manipulating and being a nasty person. But then I don’t want the prize of such a battle. Honour and respect mean more to me now than ever before as I want that this prize be won with dignity, honor and respect so that I can keep it and it can keep me with me pride, dignity and respect, knowing that I did nothing wrong. And so I never have to look back in life and feel bad or guilty about anything.

I’ll live a good life and full life. I’m sure of that but thus far for all its imperfections, I’ve never regretted anything I ever did in my life. I don’t want to start doing that now.

I have made up my mind

2006-04-12T14:55:00.000-07:00

Alchemist tells Santiago

"Making a decision is only the beginning of things.When someone makes a decision , he is really diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he had never dreamed of when he first made the decision."

I've made that jump.

ME

2006-04-03T10:13:00.000-07:00

The face is a mirror to your thoughts. Figure out what i'm thinking!

more hostel holi pics

2006-04-01T18:40:00.000-08:00

Belief and Change

2006-03-25T19:34:00.000-08:00

It matters little where you are born. What matters more is where you belong, where your soul owes allegiance.

The quote above is from an article by Shashi Tharoor in The Hindu dt 26 march 2006. It struck an immediate chord with me, as it put in perspective a lot of the events in my life in the past month. In fact the past month has without doubt been the period of my life that has seen the most flux. Now what remains to be seen is how much i learn from these events and move forward in life as a better person.

Its such a pity that I cannot verbalise a lot of these events and emotions that I've experienced but only relate to them euphemistically.

All my life I've performed better when i get shunted out of my comfort zone. And I've always hated those moments. They are most uncomfortable yet most necessary. These are the events that have catapulted me to the next level. Yet again I'm at such a threshold and this time it is the biggest and most important as this time i'm at a crossroads, professionally, personally and intellectually. And I dont foresee a quick solution to any of these thresholds. Its going to take a long sustained process and big fight to get through this corner of my life. And its going to be my beliefs and values that are going to sustain me through this.

GodSpeed Mr.Viswam.